Today, my plan to prank my husband backfired when I forgot about the "pop-its" I left under the toilet seat and set them off. It not only scared the shit out of me, it also woke up my 2 month-old and my grumpy husband. FML

by TotallyDeservedIt / 05/19/2016 at 1:19pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my dad woke me up in a panic at five to ten in the morning, because he couldn't figure out how to type the "@" in an e-mail address. FML

by not amused / 05/19/2016 at 5:01am / Ireland (Cork) / Geek

Today, my husband and I both got smart watches. We were running around, acting like we were in a James Bond movie, having fun. Until our neighbors called the cops on us for hiding in their bushes. FML

by nykkymcallister / 05/18/2016 at 11:07pm / United States (Maryland) / Geek

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I got a letter stating that now that I'm in my mid-twenties, I need to start getting cervical exams. The only people interested in getting anywhere near my vagina are doctors. FML

by CarouselHeart / 05/18/2016 at 4:09pm / United Kingdom (Sheffield) / Health

Today, I went shopping on my only day off. The only aisle open was self-checkout. I'm a cashier. FML

by ash / 05/18/2016 at 4:00pm / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, the lawn I've been devoting all my efforts to saving from a nasty grub infestation isn't going to make it, but apparently the grass I noticed growing in my gutters is doing just fine. FML.

by lifedownthegutter / 05/18/2016 at 2:21pm / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got my grades back. I got a very poor evaluation for my lit class, which was odd because it didn't match the impression from my end-of-class meeting with the professor. It does, however, include a nod to the supposedly-anonymous negative class review I gave her, though. FML

by Anonymous / 05/18/2016 at 1:51pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Work

Today, I found out that my mother intentionally donated the quilt that I had made for her, because, "It didn't match anything". That was $70 worth of fabric and 7 and a half weeks spent on that handiwork of mine. FML

by sewdevastated / 05/17/2016 at 10:02pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got a call from the head of my school dance committee saying that the dance was cancelled and the services originally hired were still expecting to be paid. The reason the dance got cancelled? One of the girls on the committee's parents wouldn't let her buy her dream dress. FML

by Depressed / 05/17/2016 at 7:16pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at a concert and I was having so much fun. Unfortunately, this was cut short when the person behind me with the worst halitosis started singing along to the songs. He knew ALL the lyrics. FML

by shtzbutnogiggles / 05/17/2016 at 10:10am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was reminded what poverty is like when I had to choose between buying food and buying pads. Now, I have to take constant bathroom breaks and wipe off my pad. I don't get paid until after my period ends. FML

by poorgirl / 05/17/2016 at 9:03am / United States / Money

Today, my father bought a pair of fancy noise cancelling headphones. He doesn't realise that the noise cancelling function only slightly muffles the moaning and screaming in the porn he's watching. FML

by Char-azard / 05/17/2016 at 5:03am / New Zealand (Hawke's Bay) / Miscellaneous

Today, my new upstairs neighbours sent away a package, telling the delivery guy that the person doesn't live there anymore. The package is a birthday present from my mother in-law, and it's been sent back twice now, even after talking to them and leaving a letter for them with my name on it. FML