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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I received a text with my last name spelled wrong. A short conversation revealed he got my number from me, through Tinder. I don't have an account, but he insisted he knew that I like it 'hard and rough'. He knew my first name. I still don't know how he got my phone number or name. FML

#21444252
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24254) - you deserved it (1680)

On 07/19/2015 at 11:00pm - intimacy - by creepedout (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had lunch with an old friend I've had a crush on for years. We're both single, so I figured it to be kind of like a date. Until he started talking about how he told his brother last night that we would never be a thing. FML

#21444043
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21934) - you deserved it (2252)

On 07/19/2015 at 2:02pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was talking to my friend, who was telling me he's having suicidal thoughts lately. He then said he'd be back in a few minutes. Nearly an hour passed. I panicked, thinking he'd offed himself. Several minutes after I called the emergency services, he messaged me, saying "K, back." FML

#21443864
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25564) - you deserved it (2739)

On 07/19/2015 at 2:49am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, I spent hours cooking a big dinner for my parents for the first time. I guess I made the steak too rare, because when my dad cut into it, he said "Christ! This thing's practically alive!" and said a skilled vet could probably bring the cow it was cut from back to life. FML

#21443824
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21309) - you deserved it (3361)

On 07/19/2015 at 1:05am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, instead of kissing my child's boo-boo on her finger to make it feel better, I accidentally headbutted her. FML

#21443580
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21546) - you deserved it (2775)

On 07/18/2015 at 3:08pm - kids - by ddhaley1 (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, while walking down the street, a truck hit a puddle and splashed me with water. After I cursed and flipped him off, he put his truck in reverse and splashed me again. FML

#21443362
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23181) - you deserved it (8707)

On 07/18/2015 at 2:01am - misc - by supersmashpika (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my boyfriend's idiotic friend shoved me into a stream so I could be "reunited" with my family, since my name is River. The first thing I saw as I climbed out, soaking wet, was my boyfriend high-fiving his friend. FML

#21443301
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25526) - you deserved it (2417)

On 07/18/2015 at 12:08am - misc - by River (woman) -

Today, I babysat the Antichrist of all kids. After the 5 long hours were over, his parents came home. Instead of paying me what they agreed, they offered to let me eat some leftovers of a takeout in the fridge. I'm so afraid of confrontation that I accepted. FML

#21443019
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21939) - you deserved it (8725)

On 07/17/2015 at 12:40pm - money - by raquel (woman) - United States

Today, it's got to the point where my parents have to force me to plan social outings. FML

#21442703
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21477) - you deserved it (5001)

On 07/16/2015 at 6:47pm - misc - by TheDarth (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I went downstairs early in the morning to watch a movie. As I walked into the living room and reached for the light switch, I heard my dad say "Knew you'd change your mind. Get them panties off." followed by the sound of a zipper being undone. I've never been so mortified in my life. FML

#21442030
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33041) - you deserved it (2320)

On 07/15/2015 at 12:29pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was having a dinner party. My guests were getting along really well. I mean, really well; it turns out they all went to the same high school. For the next five hours, I hosted a high school reunion for a school I didn't even go to, in my own home. FML

#21441771
12 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25673) - you deserved it (2413)

On 07/14/2015 at 10:11pm - misc - by trappedinmyownhome (woman) -

Today, after nearly two months of working at my new job, one of my co-workers finally explained to me that the list of tasks that our boss gives me every day are actually HER duties, and as I complete them, she just sits in her office and watches Netflix. FML

#21441743
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26785) - you deserved it (1927)

On 07/14/2015 at 9:04pm - work - by ineedaraise (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, after working a double shift, I got home to total pandemonium. My dogs had crapped all over the house, my kitchen was soaking wet, etc. My mother, who just moved in with me, was sitting on the couch, saying she had no idea what happened. FML



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