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Today, my boss forced me to come into work despite having a bad cold. While waiting a table, I violently sneezed and sprayed a child's face with snot. His dad got so pissed that my boss had to pretend to fire me just to calm him down. FML

#21496603
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23941) - you deserved it (2390)

On 11/25/2015 at 8:37am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, while changing my daughter's diaper, I lifted up her butt to wipe her, which coincidentally caused her to fart. I hadn't wiped her yet so the force of air caused poop to fly at me at high speed, landing on my chest and face. My husband burst out laughing, saying, "You've been ass-blasted!" FML

#21496534
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25523) - you deserved it (2650)

On 11/25/2015 at 1:00am - kids - by coolest_mom (woman) -

Today, I started a new school, after moving from England to New York. People only talked to me just to hear my accent. FML

#21496417
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21256) - you deserved it (2231)

On 11/24/2015 at 7:56pm - misc - by _Asykes_ (woman) -

Today, I was roused from my peaceful slumber by the sound of evil laughter coming from my closet. It was my old Furby, with dead batteries, that I could have sworn I got rid of several years ago. FML

Today, I had whiplash after my dad and I were rear ended by a suburban. Despite the state trooper saying I should go, my dad delayed taking me to the ER because he wanted to pick up the dog from "doggy daycare" and take her for a nice long walk, while I waited for my mom to come home. FML

#21496134
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21345) - you deserved it (1405)

On 11/24/2015 at 12:49am - health - by sprained neck (woman) -

Today, my parents finally fulfilled my childhood dream and got a puppy, after years of me nagging at them. The only downside is that I no longer live at home and he's not mine. FML

#21496066
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20816) - you deserved it (2031)

On 11/23/2015 at 10:25pm - animals - by Haze (woman) - New Zealand (Wellington)

Today, I learned that if I take my full dosage of Vicodin, I will throw up all day. I also learned that if I don't take my full dosage of Vicodin, I will be in excruciating pain all day. FML

#21495944
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20790) - you deserved it (1414)

On 11/23/2015 at 4:21pm - health - by owch (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my one-year-old son threw up on the man sitting next to us on a plane. I felt bad and apologized profusely. When I tried to give him money for dry cleaning, he slapped me. FML

#21495744
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25094) - you deserved it (3360)

On 11/23/2015 at 12:44am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, after my landlord commented on how rarely I drink milk, and I joked that I'm "probably going to die young" because of it. Then I immediately remembered that her 35-year-old husband died last year of a heart attack. FML

#21495644
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19860) - you deserved it (4584)

On 11/22/2015 at 8:14pm - misc - by whatafuckhead (woman) - United States (California)

Today, it's been two weeks since I got married. It's also two weeks since my husband got cold feet about moving in together, because he thinks the sudden change would be too emotionally distressing for his cat. FML

#21495373
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24858) - you deserved it (2854)

On 11/22/2015 at 1:10am - love - by unimpressed bride (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, we buried my mom. I walked past my sister's husband just in time to hear him mutter: "Hope the fire's nice and hot down there, you old hag." I told my sister. She wouldn't believe me and accused me of trying to start drama. FML

#21495367
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24583) - you deserved it (2489)

On 11/22/2015 at 12:45am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I walked in on my brother jerking off to a breast cancer awareness advert. FML

#21495359
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25903) - you deserved it (2689)

On 11/22/2015 at 12:12am - intimacy - by ugh, why (woman) - Australia

Today, I finally felt ready to lose my virginity with my boyfriend. Unfortunately he was too embarrassed to go and buy some condoms, and suggested in all seriousness that we use a sandwich bag instead. FML

#21495119
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27547) - you deserved it (3535)

On 11/21/2015 at 9:54am - intimacy - by angelisa (woman) - United States (California)



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