Today, I was staying over at a friend's house for the weekend while the rest of my family goes to Cuba. Her neighbor started hitting on me. As it turns out, "he" was actually born as a "she", and now I'm apparently a transphobic bitch for not being interested. Two more days to go. FML

by JFC / 07/17/2016 at 3:56pm / Miscellaneous

Today, it's so insanely hot that no matter how often I shower or use deodorant the smell of my armpits makes me feel physically sick. FML

by Need To Bathe In Deodorant / 07/17/2016 at 3:23pm / United Kingdom (Surrey) / Miscellaneous

Today, my elderly coworker was telling me about a long-lost friend, so I helped her use the Internet to look the friend up. We found her. Specifically, her obituary. FML

by Anonymous / 07/17/2016 at 1:31pm / Work

Today, I found out I'm pregnant. My husband had a vasectomy several years ago. I've been faithful the whole time, but he wouldn't believe me, even after I showed him that vasectomies can reverse themselves. FML

by Anonymous / 07/17/2016 at 10:51am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I'm pretty sure my sister is being catfished. Now I have the choice of either telling her and risking her staying with her abusive husband or letting her think her new "boyfriend" is a good guy who didn't just "accidentally" send me a shower picture. FML

by mbbcjuliet / 07/16/2016 at 11:13pm / Love

Today, my roommate is being evicted. Since we had some very good memories together I was sad to come home and see all of her stuff gone...and half of my stuff, too. FML

by Tank / 07/16/2016 at 7:14pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, a customer tried to return some pricey lingerie. She said she didn't have the packaging, but had never worn them. The skidmark I accidentally touched begged to differ. FML

by Anonymous / 07/16/2016 at 5:34am / Canada (Manitoba) / Work

Today, an elderly patient complained because I used the words "vaginal" and "breast". I work at an OBGYN's office. FML

by Anonymous / 07/15/2016 at 10:08pm / United States (Washington) / Work

Today, I put some leggings on and I was feeling pretty good about how well they fit since I've been trying to slim down. Then I noticed the tag. Not only are they a size larger than I usually wear, but I also stretched them so badly that "Spandex" is now two words. FML

Today, while at a restaurant, my date shat himself. He spent the entire meal pretending nothing had happened. FML

by Lady Bloodshart of the Redwater / 07/15/2016 at 4:27pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I finally got my fussy newborn back to sleep after the creaking of my chair woke her. I then crept two rooms over and opened a pack of chips, the crinkle of which woke her again. FML

by Anonymous / 07/15/2016 at 12:14pm / United States (Florida) / Kids

Today, I found out that whenever my roommate's friend-with-benefits comes over, he uses my bikini trimmer to shave his pubic hair. I've been using that trimmer for months. FML

by Grosssss / 07/15/2016 at 12:08pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy

Today, I bought my mother an expensive TV she had been looking at. After I bought it, she continued browsing for more stuff. I told her I couldn't afford the extra items. She got mad and called me "selfish". FML

by SwingingGallows / 07/15/2016 at 11:43am / Money