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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was getting my picture taken with my mom and grandma for a portrait. I said it was going to be beautiful when it was done, with three generations of our family in it. My grandma said that would be true, if I weren't adopted. FML

#21499650
38 comments

Today, I grazed my hand over the bottom of my desk's keyboard tray, and found something sticky. I gagged when I realized it was jizz, and I immediately washed my hands and wiped everything. I then checked my browser history, which was full of porn. Thanks, roomie. FML

Today, I gave my boyfriend a blowjob for the first time. He came. A lot. I doubt I'll remember it as anything other than, "The day I found out what sneezing semen feels like." FML

#21499606
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23440) - you deserved it (3460)

On 12/03/2015 at 7:52am - intimacy - by snortingspunk (woman) - South Africa

Today, while at a fastfood restaurant, I wanted to wash my hands. The restrooms were locked, so a cashier got the key and opened the mens restroom. This would have been fine if I wasn't a girl. FML

#21499551
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16805) - you deserved it (1924)

On 12/03/2015 at 12:50am - misc - by turtles_yup (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my mother found out I published a book. She demanded that I pay her all my royalties as repayment for her raising me. FML

#21499372
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21441) - you deserved it (1347)

On 12/02/2015 at 5:18pm - money - by Notfamous (woman) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, after being sick all day with the flu, I asked my husband to wash the dishes after I went to bed. He said he couldn't because he had a large, important project for work that needed to get done. I woke up a couple of hours later to find him smoking weed on the couch and watching cartoons. FML

#21499350
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20726) - you deserved it (2192)

On 12/02/2015 at 3:45pm - love - by shotdown (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to pick up some pictures I took on a family trip, but the person at the counter said someone else had already picked them up. Now not only am I out $20, some random creep has pictures of me and my whole family. FML

#21499279
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20783) - you deserved it (1391)

On 12/02/2015 at 10:02am - misc - by countrygirl8846 (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, after working my ass off for months trying to prove myself, I received an email from my boss regarding the end-year function. Excited to be invited, I opened the email just to see I'm the only one being left behind to answer the phones. FML

#21499225
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21833) - you deserved it (1507)

On 12/02/2015 at 5:41am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, I realized how much of an invisible artist I am when I got a little excited when someone stole my art. FML

Today, HR sent a review email to me asking me to anonymously tell them about my boss. I decided to use this opportunity to tell them what a dick he was. I printed off the review, filled it out, then scanned and emailed it to myself. Or so I thought. Turns out I'd sent the review to my boss. FML

#21498760
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18212) - you deserved it (17226)

On 11/30/2015 at 11:01pm - work - by jobless (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, my school's theater production was canceled. Not because of budget, but because my co-star fell in love with me and asked me out. When I pointedly declined, he refused to act alongside me since it was "awkward." Everyone's blaming me for it. FML

#21498523
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26260) - you deserved it (2666)

On 11/30/2015 at 11:34am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was waiting at a traffic light. I saw my neighbour and her new boyfriend crossing the road, then noticed as he started grabbing his crotch, but thought nothing of it. They both then pulled down their pants and urinated in the middle of the busy intersection. FML

#21498487
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22513) - you deserved it (1685)

On 11/30/2015 at 8:06am - misc - by tabbycacti (woman) - Australia

Today, my date suggested we go to 10:30 p.m. movie so we could "talk" in the car afterwards, when the parking lot was empty. Thus, at 1 a.m., I thought we were going to make out. However, he only asked where I get my car air freshener from, had me write down the scent, and then suggested we go home. FML

#21498394
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22844) - you deserved it (2068)

On 11/29/2015 at 11:55pm - love - by badplannning (woman) - United States (Illinois)



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Friday 12 February 2016

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