Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Today, the phone lines at work have been cutting out in the middle of calls. I'm a receptionist at an animal hospital. I now have less than two minutes to figure out what's wrong with a client's pet and how best to schedule them before I become "That rude bitch who hung up on me." FML

#21419304
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25794) - you deserved it (1929)

On 06/01/2015 at 6:46pm - work - by thankyouforcalling (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, frustrated with my very energetic kids, I told them that if they dug a hole deep enough in the backyard, they'd find China. What they really found was the previous owner's dog. FML

#21419303
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28442) - you deserved it (7111)

On 06/01/2015 at 6:45pm - kids - by pheonixxe (woman) - United States (Wyoming)

Today, I was walking home with my boyfriend, when a guy pulled a knife and told us to hand over our money. My boyfriend blurted "I don't have shit, dude! She has tons of cash!" The moment the mugger turned to me, my boyfriend ran away at top speed. FML

#21419164
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35928) - you deserved it (2660)

On 06/01/2015 at 2:14pm - misc - by kash (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I accidentally hit my husband in the face. Not 2 minutes later, while laying in bed and trying to apologize, I accidentally kneed him in the balls. FML

Today, the babysitter not only clogged the toilet, they tried to unclog it with our vacuum cleaner hose. FML

#21418872
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26258) - you deserved it (1904)

On 05/31/2015 at 11:37pm - misc - by somebody (woman) - United States

Today, the phone kept ringing so I picked it up and answered. When there was no response, it took a minute to realize that I was still in bed and talking to my hand. FML

#21418531
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24771) - you deserved it (4375)

On 05/31/2015 at 11:51am - misc - by Sleepy (woman) - United States (Armed Forces Europe, Middle East)

Today, a guy hit on me. It's such a rare occurrence that I didn't know how to react, so I panicked and said "Sorry, I have to go!" Then I remembered we were on a bus, and just turned around and awkwardly pretended he wasn't there. FML

#21418496
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26589) - you deserved it (6061)

On 05/31/2015 at 9:58am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I uploaded a photo of myself at the beach on Facebook. The first comment it got was "Wow!! If I was 20 yrs younger, oh boy ;)". Yeah, thanks for that, grandpa. FML

#21418445
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26612) - you deserved it (2442)

On 05/31/2015 at 5:13am - misc - by disgusting (woman) - United Kingdom (Norfolk)

Today, while driving home from work, I saw my boyfriend mugging a woman on the sidewalk. FML

#21417917
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32500) - you deserved it (2834)

On 05/30/2015 at 3:28am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my dad met my boyfriend. It took less than 10 seconds for him to accuse my boyfriend of being a "queer" because his handshake was "too limp". FML

#21417868
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26514) - you deserved it (3122)

On 05/30/2015 at 12:23am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, my crackhead neighbour got slightly annoyed at my 2-day-old daughter's late-night wailing. Well, I think so, anyway, as she politely requested us to "SHUT THAT CUNT KID UP." or she would "BLOW BOTH OUR HOUSES UP, YOU FUCKING ASSFUCKS." But I'm not 100% sure. FML

#21417851
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29488) - you deserved it (2494)

On 05/29/2015 at 11:51pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia

Today, I went to a fancy beauty parlor to prepare for my sister's birthday party. The minute I stepped out of the salon, with my hair beautifully trimmed and curled, a bird decided to use it as a toilet. FML

#21417814
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26516) - you deserved it (2114)

On 05/29/2015 at 10:39pm - animals - by poophead (woman) - Philippines

Today, for our anniversary, I had made a small treasure hunt for my boyfriend, tying roses with notes of poetry to lampposts across campus to lead him to where we would have a romantic dinner. He couldn't find it because people had stolen the roses, or simply ripped them to pieces and thrown them away. FML

#21417526
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30187) - you deserved it (7844)

On 05/29/2015 at 9:04am - love - by Headless (woman) - Denmark (Hovedstaden)



FML's blog

  • Feeling shitty? Write to Auntie Bernie!
  • It's a new summer, so here's a new feature. OK, that doesn't mean much, but you've got to start somewhere. The idea came from the fact that we get sent a lot of FMLs that touch us, in our heart of…

Friday 24 July 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: