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Today, I shaved for the first time. My mum gave me a razor and I spent about 20 minutes trying to use it. I gave up, yelling, "FUCK IT!" and put it back on the shelf. It fell, and as it hit the floor, a lid fell off. I'd tried to shave with a sheathed razor for 20 minutes. FML

#21349366
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14635) - you deserved it (38265)

On 02/03/2015 at 10:45pm - health - by februarymarchapril (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I saw my co-worker write about how awful Muslims were and how the religion is stupid, the hijab is oppressive, and how they're a poison on society. When I questioned them about it, they pretty much said that I didn't know anything and should stop talking. I'm Muslim and a hijabi. FML

#21349339
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32135) - you deserved it (5263)

On 02/03/2015 at 10:13pm - work - by coveredupforfun (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, at work, I had to tell a woman that there is no such thing as a "pedigree Beahuahuadoodle", and that she'd essentially paid $500 for a mutt. FML

#21348955
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27981) - you deserved it (2338)

On 02/03/2015 at 10:26am - animals - by dogbreederssuck (woman) - United Kingdom (Lancashire)

Today, my coworker said that she suddenly got the shivers. I jokingly told her that it meant she must be being watched by a dead person and made stupid ghost noises. She then told me it was the anniversary of her dad's death and burst into tears. FML

#21348221
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32979) - you deserved it (13349)

On 02/02/2015 at 9:25am - misc - by pinecones (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, my Breaking Bad obsessed boyfriend actually used the phrase "I am the one who cocks." during foreplay. My vagina just about turned into a desert on the spot. FML

#21347719
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30225) - you deserved it (3297)

On 02/01/2015 at 11:17am - intimacy - by SKYYYLLLARRRR!!!! (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got back from a two-day trip for which I'd left my husband and kids at home. There's fresh vomit inside of my oven, and my 4 year old son has a mullet. FML

#21347579
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32134) - you deserved it (3685)

On 02/01/2015 at 12:50am - misc - by neverleavingagain (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I had food poisoning and woke up early in the morning to vomit. My mom emailed all of my teachers saying that I would be late to school because of "morning sickness". Thanks mom. FML

#21347496
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30022) - you deserved it (2143)

On 01/31/2015 at 9:43pm - health - by Lunab123 (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I got hit between the legs with a kayak. FML

Today, while shopping, my dad asked me to walk further away from him, saying I was cramping his style in front of all the chicks there. FML

#21347212
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25820) - you deserved it (2357)

On 01/31/2015 at 8:12am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Belgium

Today, after telling my husband he can send me dirty texts any time, he sent me one from work. It said, "Babe when I get home, I'm gonna go 9/11 on your pussy ;)". I'm still not sure he understands why that was so offensive. FML

#21347069
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26615) - you deserved it (5112)

On 01/30/2015 at 11:04pm - intimacy - by The Soul Of A Damned Queef (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I walked in on my husband jacking off to a photo of himself. FML

#21346857
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35140) - you deserved it (3670)

On 01/30/2015 at 3:16pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my sister asked me how my boyfriend was doing. He died two years ago. She was the first person I told. FML

#21346806
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29845) - you deserved it (2201)

On 01/30/2015 at 1:11pm - misc - by lonesomegal (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my fiancé and I were having sex. In the middle of it he said, "I want us to be covalent bonds". I didn't understand what he meant, and he actually stopped to explain it to me. FML

#21346746
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25645) - you deserved it (6815)

On 01/30/2015 at 10:11am - intimacy - by Chemist-why (woman) - United States (California)



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