Today, my girlfriend woke up, and half-asleep, muttered: "What time is it? Did the neighbours start drilling again?" I'll try harder to keep my farts in from now on. FML

by Juju Bear / 03/08/2016 at 6:54am / Miscellaneous

Today, I started training my replacement for my job. My replacement already makes more money per hour than I do. FML

by MySonshine7 / 03/07/2016 at 11:23am / United States (California) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my dad came over and ordered me, a 43 year-old woman, to purchase a kitchen table. He and my sisters are embarassed that we are still using a plastic folding table. It doesn't matter to them that we have just spent over $30,000 on renovations. His cousins are coming from Italy. FML

by always amazed / 03/07/2016 at 9:03am / Canada (Ontario) / Money

Today, I was given a $100 cookbook as a gift by a co-worker. The man who shares a desk with me didn't realise it was mine, as he was at lunch when I got it, so he decided to give it to my boss when he walked in. My boss is refusing to return it. FML

by Kaylz / 03/06/2016 at 11:35pm / Australia (Queensland) / Work

Today, my dad posted on Facebook, apologizing to anyone he'd texted the night before. He said he'd gotten wasted and didn't mean anything he said. So much for that first ever "I'm proud of you" then. FML

by gayvsgay / 03/06/2016 at 10:31am / Germany (Saarland) / Intimacy

Today, my 17 year old daughter told me she was going to bake a cake. When she finished she offered me one and it was crunchy. I asked her why and she said the recipe said to put eggs in. She put them in whole. FML

by anonymous / 03/06/2016 at 12:33am / Australia (New South Wales) / Kids

Today, my family picked a place for my birthday dinner. They chose a seafood restaurant. I'm allergic. FML

by Liah12 / 03/05/2016 at 8:52am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I introduced my kind and amazing Iranian boyfriend to my mother. When he went to use the rest room, she warned me to "knock it off with this Bin Laden fetish" or she'll have me put on psychiatric hold. FML

by Anonymous / 03/05/2016 at 1:58am / Israel (Tel Aviv) / Love

Today, a student threw her hot coffee at me after I told her I was giving her an F. For months I've been telling her she needs to hand in missing work, but she thought I was bluffing. She got suspended, but my clothes are still ruined and I still got burned. FML

by KayleeFrye / 03/05/2016 at 12:39am / United States (Connecticut) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I received a big scholarship. I was ecstatic, until I looked up the cost of tuition at that university. I still need $120K. FML

Today, I accidentally farted while shopping. There was an awkward silence followed by a god-awful stink and a lady's little girl bursting into tears. FML

by oops / 03/04/2016 at 4:28pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, I delivered a pizza to a former coworker. He answered the door with his pants below his ass and his junk hanging out of his boxers. FML

by sericane / 03/04/2016 at 3:03pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I had to explain to my 27 year-old sister why a stainless steel fork isn't a good toy for my 8 month-old baby. Twice. FML

by m0m / 03/04/2016 at 9:01am / Belgium (Antwerpen) / Kids