Today I was home sick from work because my doctor gave me a new pill that made me throw up violently. My boss called. I thought she was checking on me. She fired me instead. FML

by StupidJob / 09/01/2016 at 7:23pm / United States (New York) / Work

Today, it's my birthday. I told my boyfriend I wanted to feel special even if for just one day. He said he would do the laundry for me. FML

by Deaf Dumb & Blonde / 09/01/2016 at 5:17pm / United States / Love

Today, I had a full day of work, a social event, and a doctor's appointment. My son looked at me when I got home and said, "Are your pants on backwards?" Yes, yes they were. All day. FML

by Ihatepants / 08/31/2016 at 9:37pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I heard grunting noises from my brother's room, like when he's having a seizure, so I went in to help. And now I need brain bleach. FML

by guh / 08/31/2016 at 11:54am / Malaysia (Selangor) / Intimacy

Today, I made spaghetti bolognese for three people. Of those three people, only one got food poisoning. Me. FML

by Dizzie Rascal / 08/31/2016 at 7:01am / United Kingdom / Health

Today, I found out that my college textbooks, which I spent nearly $200 dollars on for the two of them, did not come with the codes they were advertised with. The codes are needed for online classwork that is required to pass the course. Each new code is $90 a piece. FML

Today, I got food poisoning in the middle of the wilderness while hiking in a state park with my husband. I had to tend to nature several times before we reached our car. The only supplies I had was a bottle of water and a laminated trail map. It was part of an anniversary trip. How romantic. FML

by lkvetched / 08/30/2016 at 1:23pm / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, I had a terrible dream where my aunt paid a stripper to have sex with me, since I'm 27 and haven't even kissed a guy yet. I ended up taking the dream-stripper to the mall for snacks instead. Even my dreams are mocking me. FML

by forever alone / 08/30/2016 at 9:55am / Trinidad and Tobago (San Fernando) / Miscellaneous

Today, my roommate left a bomb looking package of cookies on the kitchen counter. My sweet tooth got the best of me and I made that split second decision of, "Oh, I'll just have one." Halfway through it, I noticed the fine print, "For dogs" on the package. FML

by Sisi / 08/29/2016 at 12:49pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was motivated enough to run on the treadmill for the first time in a long time. The movement knocked my downstairs neighbor's ceiling fan down. FML

by meglast / 08/29/2016 at 12:48pm / United States (Texas) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, it's been six months since my husband and I have miscarried our daughter who we named Hana Grace. My sister just revealed she is having a girl and naming her Hana Grace since "the name is up for grabs now". FML

by MadWorld / 08/28/2016 at 1:49pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I gave birth to my first born child. Somehow, my mom and mother in law made their way to the delivery room, and walked in mid-push. While they were escorted out, I overheard my mother in law asking the nurse how her son, my husband, was holding up. FML

by Lennyr / 08/28/2016 at 2:36am / United States (Tennessee) / Health

Today, I found out my father's girlfriend is moving in with us. I didn't even know he had a girlfriend. FML

by MissMoonpie / 08/27/2016 at 8:21am / Belgium (Vlaams-Brabant) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.