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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I went to bring my 92-year-old neighbor some cake we had just made. When I walked in, she was wearing pants. That's it. I stared blinking in shock for a few seconds before running away, yelling, "So sorry. I brought you cake. Real tired. Gonna sleep now. Bye." FML

#21409137
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24031) - you deserved it (3028)

On 05/12/2015 at 8:33pm - misc - by Nikki (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I stood up in front of the class and dropped my pen. As I bent over to pick it up, a boy in the front row loudly broke wind. I will forever be known as "that teacher who farted". FML

#21408482
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25899) - you deserved it (1973)

On 05/11/2015 at 4:54pm - work - by Becky (woman) - United Kingdom (Dorset)

Today, my 18-year-old boyfriend freaked out and kept asking me if I was sure I wouldn't get pregnant, because I forgot to take my birth control pill last night. We didn't actually have sex; he apparently thought me simply missing the pill would magically get me pregnant. The hell? FML

#21408378
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31751) - you deserved it (4817)

On 05/11/2015 at 1:08pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Denmark (Midtjylland)

Today, I wore a pair of shorts a size too big while doing laundry. When I ordered a pizza afterwards and answered the door, I realized I looked a little heavy, so I sucked in my stomach. My shorts fell to the ground in front of the delivery guy. FML

#21408368
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26670) - you deserved it (8709)

On 05/11/2015 at 12:40pm - misc - by oops (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I planned a lunch out with my mom for Mother's Day. She seemed excited about it and "couldn't wait!" She never showed up. FML

#21407958
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27319) - you deserved it (1784)

On 05/10/2015 at 6:08pm - misc - by weirdlaugh (woman) - United States

Today, I had sex with a guy I've liked for ages. We were lying in his bed afterwards, and he mumbled the word "happy". I thought it was really sweet, until he repeated himself. "My girlfriend probably won't be too happy about this." FML

#21407745
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31510) - you deserved it (5520)

On 05/10/2015 at 11:35am - intimacy - by YouDontSay (woman) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I was feeling pretty, so I wore a skirt for the first time in years. Two hours later, my thighs hurt from slapping together so much. I no longer feel pretty. FML

#21407700
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28443) - you deserved it (4527)

On 05/10/2015 at 9:47am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend's mum publicly shamed him on Facebook after she caught him having sex under her roof today. Everyone thought it was hilarious, except me. Not because I'm ashamed, but because I'm over 300 miles away right now. FML

#21407667
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36909) - you deserved it (2021)

On 05/10/2015 at 8:16am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (York)

Today, I sent a $120 bouquet of flowers for mother's day. When I called tonight see if my Mom got them, she replied that they were still on the doorstep because she "didn't want the dogs to get excited and start barking" when she opened the front door to bring them in. FML

#21407465
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26816) - you deserved it (2058)

On 05/09/2015 at 9:43pm - misc - by yapDogs (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend told me that we wouldn't move in together as we had planned to do for a long time. His mother forbade it. He is 27. FML

#21407402
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26686) - you deserved it (2572)

On 05/09/2015 at 7:03pm - love - by forever alone (woman) - Germany (Thuringen)

Today, my drunk grandma flashed me, after confusing me, a 19 year old girl, for my grandpa. FML

#21407351
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28016) - you deserved it (2076)

On 05/09/2015 at 4:50pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, my college charged me for tuition for next semester. I graduated 2 years ago. I have a degree from a place too stupid to only charge current students. FML

#21407028
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27318) - you deserved it (1962)

On 05/08/2015 at 11:31pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, while making out with my boyfriend, I sneezed so hard that my head shot forward and smashed against his, sending his head backwards against the wall. He ended up with a concussion, and I still feel like someone hit me over the head with a chair. FML

#21406759
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25736) - you deserved it (3241)

On 05/08/2015 at 12:46pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Essex)



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