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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I went out to inspect the backyard. There are now more than two dozen spiders hanging out and webs crossing from one side of the yard to the other. I have decided to surrender this territory. FML

#21445864
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22122) - you deserved it (2480)

On 07/23/2015 at 5:44am - animals - by Skoff (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, on the bus, my blood sugar level got too low and I passed out. When I came to, the woman next to me was hitting me, saying she needed to get off and that she didn't have time for my "stupid fucking prank". FML

#21445474
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27104) - you deserved it (1812)

On 07/22/2015 at 1:35pm - health - by qhorin halflung (woman) -

Today, while on my Dad's computer, I looked through the browser history to find the name of a website I'd visited on it the other day. I soon found out he watches a staggering amount of downright frightening incest porn. I'm disturbed on so many levels. FML

#21445392
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24705) - you deserved it (3077)

On 07/22/2015 at 7:52am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend's dad helped me put coolant in my car. When I said I wished I could do something in return, he told me to get an abortion so I wouldn't "ruin" his son's life. When I told my boyfriend, he didn't believe me. FML

#21444969
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25590) - you deserved it (2289)

On 07/21/2015 at 11:17am - misc - by father-in-nope (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my flatmate asked me to wash the large pile of dishes on the bench, and if I would start on cleaning the house which was a total mess. This would have been fine if I hadn't just walked in after being away for a week. FML

#21444629
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22763) - you deserved it (1868)

On 07/20/2015 at 6:01pm - misc - by I did them anyway (woman) - New Zealand

Today, a customer wanted corporate's number because we aren't allowed to sell pies after midnight. After a drug-fuelled cuss-storm, she punched me in the face through the open window and peeled out of drive-thru like a bat out of hell. FML

#21444376
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22868) - you deserved it (1623)

On 07/20/2015 at 4:21am - work - by TheDrugsAreStrongWithThisOne (woman) - United States

Today, the AC broke at work. I work in a hotel and every single guest asked me if I knew how hot it was in the lobby. It was 96 degrees for 7 hours. I definitely knew. FML

Today, I woke to find a pool of my own blood all over my pillow. Frantic to find the source of the blood, I rushed into the bathroom and tripped over my too-long pajama pants. Crashing to the floor face first, I broke my nose. Turns out I had just bitten my lip in the middle of the night. FML

#21444253
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22937) - you deserved it (3258)

On 07/19/2015 at 11:02pm - health - by Bleach dat Blood (woman) -

Today, I received a text with my last name spelled wrong. A short conversation revealed he got my number from me, through Tinder. I don't have an account, but he insisted he knew that I like it 'hard and rough'. He knew my first name. I still don't know how he got my phone number or name. FML

#21444252
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23878) - you deserved it (1680)

On 07/19/2015 at 11:00pm - intimacy - by creepedout (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had lunch with an old friend I've had a crush on for years. We're both single, so I figured it to be kind of like a date. Until he started talking about how he told his brother last night that we would never be a thing. FML

#21444043
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21715) - you deserved it (2239)

On 07/19/2015 at 2:02pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was talking to my friend, who was telling me he's having suicidal thoughts lately. He then said he'd be back in a few minutes. Nearly an hour passed. I panicked, thinking he'd offed himself. Several minutes after I called the emergency services, he messaged me, saying "K, back." FML

#21443864
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25318) - you deserved it (2739)

On 07/19/2015 at 2:49am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, I spent hours cooking a big dinner for my parents for the first time. I guess I made the steak too rare, because when my dad cut into it, he said "Christ! This thing's practically alive!" and said a skilled vet could probably bring the cow it was cut from back to life. FML

#21443824
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21167) - you deserved it (3351)

On 07/19/2015 at 1:05am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, instead of kissing my child's boo-boo on her finger to make it feel better, I accidentally headbutted her. FML

#21443580
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21367) - you deserved it (2685)

On 07/18/2015 at 3:08pm - kids - by ddhaley1 (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)



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