Today, my boyfriend informed me that he was a breech baby, which according to him meant that he born out of his mum's butthole. FML

by BreechInEducation / 11/27/2016 at 1:55am / Love

Today, I was so desperate for a friend that I posted a Craigslist ad to find one. Now my phone's filled with spam and I still don't have any friends. FML

by StillFriendless / 11/25/2016 at 10:20am / Miscellaneous

Today, I was teaching a new student their first ever piano lesson, hoping that they would sign up for more lessons. Thirty minutes had gone by and after the 5th time of me saying what a talented, sweet little girl she was, the mother told me it was in fact a boy. They didn't sign up. FML

by Charley / 11/25/2016 at 5:44am / Work

Today, I was in charge of Thanksgiving dinner. I dressed and stuffed the turkey, popped it in the oven and sent a mass text out to my family about how amazing it would be. Everyone arrived, we began making plates of food when I checked the turkey, and realized I never even turned on the oven. FML

by ArtistBlock / 11/25/2016 at 12:10am / Holidays

Today, I spoke with my boyfriend about where we want to live when I graduate. He says he doesn't know what he wants and his mother wouldn't approve of us living together. We've been together 3 years with the understanding we would live together once I graduated my Master's. FML

by committedandalone / 11/24/2016 at 9:45am / Love

Today, out of curiosity, I took an online test to see if I have ADHD. Halfway through, I got so distracted and bored that I gave up. Guess I know the answer. FML

by LonelyAngel22 / 11/24/2016 at 3:10am / Health

Today, my fiancé broke it off with me on our 3-year anniversary at 12:01 a.m. on Thanksgiving morning. Guess who gets to go to family gatherings where everyone will be asking where he is. FML

by Lysh / 11/24/2016 at 12:38am / Love

Today, I spent my working day teaching my new Supervisor the basics of Excel. Until two weeks ago, he was the Office Junior. He and I applied for the same job, but he got it based on the strengths of his "far superior" Excel skills. I'm now teaching him how to do the job that I didn't get. FML

by luceeloo / 11/23/2016 at 5:10pm / Work

Today, the district manager visited. Also today, I got called into the office to talk about "personal hygiene". The assistant store manager asked me if I had some kind of medical problem and advised me to shower regularly because my co-workers have been making comments. FML

by S / 11/23/2016 at 4:14pm / Work

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me by sending me flowers that said, "I just need some space, forever. I hope I never see you again, even if you were a great person. It's not you it's me." FML

by PinkMonkeys / 11/23/2016 at 1:33pm / Love

Today, I bumped into my English teacher at an AA meeting. FML

by Anonymous / 11/23/2016 at 11:58am / Miscellaneous

Today, I told my mother I got engaged. Her reply was a great heaving sigh, followed by ,"OK… So how's work going?" She showed more excitement last week when my brother managed to properly make Kraft macaroni. FML

by KismetSiren / 11/23/2016 at 5:30am / United States (North Carolina) / Work

Today, I found out the little blue thing that my roommate has been sterilizing by boiling in our shared coffee maker, is a menstrual cup. FML

by calgarygal / 11/22/2016 at 9:53pm / Miscellaneous