Today I found out that paying $40 for next-day shipping doesn't ensure that you'll receive the item the next day or even the next week. I assumed it was my fault for ordering too late into the holiday season. Turns out they never shipped it. When I finally received it 10 days late, it was the wrong item. FML

by __shirtless__ / 12/09/2016 at 10:09pm / Holidays

Today, I was talking to a friend about the US presidential election and mentioned the UK. She got really confused and told me she'd always thought they were the same country. FML

by caseyl / 12/09/2016 at 11:04am / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to the ER for an asthma attack. I left with a UTI and an elevated heart rate. FML

by ryuuchild / 12/08/2016 at 7:07pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I got pulled over for having an expired registration. I also found out my husband hasn't been paying for my car insurance. Luckily, I didn't get arrested because I had my baby with me. They towed my car and gave me 2 tickets and a court date. Oh, and the cop sent me a friend request. FML

by Lenny_R / 12/08/2016 at 2:53pm / Transportation

Today, during sex, I somehow sneezed hard enough to really hurt my neck and shoulder. But don't worry, writhing in pain doesn't ruin the mood. My boyfriend just kept going. FML

by Anonymous / 12/08/2016 at 9:53am / Intimacy

Today, I was helping my dad sell furniture online after a messy divorce. After organising everything to be picked up, it turned out the buyer was the guy Mum had the affair with. What are the chances? FML

by immisterbulldops / 12/08/2016 at 4:38am / Australia (Queensland) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I told my husband of 26 years that I was lonely. He asked what he could do to help. I said, "Just talk to me". Without a word, he went to sleep. FML

by tricia_11 / 12/05/2016 at 5:15pm / Love

Today, I had to tell some of my students to stop eating glue. I teach high school. FML

by sadsadteacher / 12/05/2016 at 4:42pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, while at the movies, I started making my way to the end of the row so I could pee. Others moved to make room except for a man at the end. As I tried to climb over him, I tripped and fell on top of him. When I told him I was sorry, he just smiled and said, "Mmm, don't be. I enjoyed it." FML

by NewUsername / 12/05/2016 at 4:39am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, after being neutered, my dog has managed to destroy three different "cones of shame", a special (and expensive) inflatable "donut" collar, and two t-shirts used as last resorts. I've essentially spent over $100 to unsuccessfully try keep my dog from licking his crotch. FML

by AnnoyedAggie16 / 12/05/2016 at 4:14am / United States (Texas) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, one of my co-workers threw a piece of garbage at the waste bin beside me. When it missed, he said, "Aw, I missed the garbage... and the bin beside it." FML

by ManagerWithoutRespect / 12/05/2016 at 12:14am / Canada (Alberta) / Work

Today, a friend admitted that the reason I got the nickname Axl is because I was an A cup with XL underwear. I guess I should be called Axxl now. FML

by Axlgrows / 12/02/2016 at 11:44am / Geek

Today, while in deep sleep, I was suddenly awoken by a tickle on my face and nearly threw my cat off the bed. Apparently, 4 a.m. Is the perfect time to touch noses with your human. FML

by Allie cat / 12/02/2016 at 8:43am / Animals