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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate for the first time when she noticed I only have one testicle. She immediately broke up with me, for she doesn't want her future sons to be gay because they'll only have half of their testosterone. FML

#21508578
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25827) - you deserved it (1667)

On 12/27/2015 at 11:46pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Iowa)

Today, my father is really enjoying the iPhone my mother gave him for Christmas. He's enjoying it so much that he's already installed all sorts of dating apps. FML

#21508192
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21182) - you deserved it (1453)

On 12/26/2015 at 7:38pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Brazil (Santa Catarina)

Today, I accidentally edged over the speed limit and got pulled over. The officer asked me if I knew why he'd pulled me over. Before I could say something diplomatic, my dad said from the passenger seat: "Because you're a prick in fancy dress?" I got ticketed. FML

#21508071
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21931) - you deserved it (1965)

On 12/26/2015 at 12:37pm - money - by buttfingers (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I thought it'd be funny to sneak up behind my dad and yell "BOO!" to scare him. He didn't even flinch. All he did was calmly look over his shoulder and sigh, "Oh for fuck's sake. And you wonder why I don't love you." FML

#21507994
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21473) - you deserved it (3878)

On 12/26/2015 at 3:29am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, a customer gave me the dirtiest look ever and muttered "goody two-shoes prick" after I asked if he'd like to donate a few cents to charity. FML

#21507931
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19172) - you deserved it (1677)

On 12/25/2015 at 11:24pm - work - by well scrooge you too (man) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, my brother "pranked" me by dropping my new laptop out my bedroom window. He'd set up a saran wrap safety net below to catch my laptop safely, but he didn't secure it well enough. My laptop is completely fucked and he won't accept responsibility because he didn't mean to break it. FML

#21507692
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26160) - you deserved it (1403)

On 12/25/2015 at 1:32pm - misc - by probably on death row soon (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, after 6 years, two raises and a promotion, thanks to student loans I make less disposable income than I did when I first started this job. FML

#21507361
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18772) - you deserved it (1742)

On 12/24/2015 at 3:52pm - money - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, I'm spending Christmas Eve at the hospital. Why? Because when I blew my nose, a ball of flesh connected to a tendril of skin shot out, and it wouldn't go back up. FML

#21507325
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20575) - you deserved it (1374)

On 12/24/2015 at 2:01pm - health - by yek (man) - Israel (Tel Aviv)

Today, I threw a punch at my sensei like he told me to, except he failed to block it like he assured me he would. Now I'm banned from his classes and I'm pretty sure he's going to get the police involved. FML

#21506859
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24269) - you deserved it (1701)

On 12/23/2015 at 10:48am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - India (Maharashtra)

Today, I woke up to a horrible smell only to realize that my dog had peed all over my leg cast during the night. I can't get another one because the closest doctors are all on Christmas vacation. Guess this is an early Christmas present from my dog. FML

#21506853
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22219) - you deserved it (1746)

On 12/23/2015 at 10:15am - animals - by ChaoticGamer (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was bitched out by my shrew of a mother for getting engaged, to a man. She's not homophobic, but rather pissed off because gay marriage is "trendy" and she wants me to be "above that nonsense". Hurray for love. FML

#21506801
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22024) - you deserved it (3371)

On 12/23/2015 at 4:06am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boss thought it would be a great idea to delay paying me until after Christmas. There goes rent, bills, food and of course Christmas presents. FML

#21506788
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23791) - you deserved it (1581)

On 12/23/2015 at 2:45am - money - by JunkDex (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I called the HR department of a big company, inquiring about a vacancy for a website designer. Boy, do they need one; there are dead links, malware warnings, and a layout from the '90s, but no info at all about recruitment. The lady just angrily referred me to the website and hung up. FML

#21506512
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20177) - you deserved it (1552)

On 12/22/2015 at 8:08am - work - by vicious circle (man) - Sint Maarten (Dutch part)



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