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Man or woman?

Today, my girlfriend bought two tickets for a cruise to the Bahamas. Too bad the second ticket isn't for me. I guess her ex-boyfriend will have a wonderful time with her. FML

#21417626
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28676) - you deserved it (2107)

On 05/29/2015 at 2:28pm - love - by probably single (man) - Denmark (Syddanmark)

Today, one of my students tried to bribe me $200 to change his grade. When I said no and told him he was lucky I didn't report him, he went to the dean and told him I offered to change his grade for money. I'm now suspended and under investigation. FML

#21416617
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36653) - you deserved it (3169)

On 05/27/2015 at 12:25pm - work - by UN4 (man) - United States

Today, some guy I passed in the street was so high out of his mind, he beat the crap out of me, thinking I was a piñata. FML

#21416582
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28725) - you deserved it (2396)

On 05/27/2015 at 10:21am - health - by Anonymous (man) - Mexico

Today, I found out my dog's new favorite game to play: "If you don't stop petting me, I'll bite your balls as hard as I can." FML

Today, I got into a heated argument with my girlfriend. Not because of anything I did, but because she actually believes that pasteurization is when a pastor blesses a dairy product. "You know, like kosher." FML

#21416018
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26457) - you deserved it (2450)

On 05/26/2015 at 11:12am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I lost a book. I'd used my credit card as a bookmark. FML

#21415900
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14444) - you deserved it (45868)

On 05/26/2015 at 2:54am - money - by stupid (man) - United States (California)

Today, I asked my landlady if she could fix the air conditioner that's been broken since I moved in. Instead, she came round and took away my bathroom mirror, along with all the toilet paper. FML

#21415859
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27767) - you deserved it (2043)

On 05/26/2015 at 1:09am - misc - by meh (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, while sick with the flu, I had the police called on me by my older neighbors downstairs. They thought I was hosting a party at 3 in the morning. I was really just throwing up constantly. FML

#21415404
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26891) - you deserved it (1570)

On 05/25/2015 at 7:39am - health - by Hooperist (man) - United States (California)

Today, during a driving lesson, I stopped behind a taxi, and got more and more annoyed when the traffic wouldn't move. A few minutes later, my instructor couldn't hold his laughter any more and pointed out I'd somehow zoned out and entered a taxi rank. FML

#21414941
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24072) - you deserved it (6246)

On 05/24/2015 at 12:56pm - misc - by kalvin (man) - United Kingdom (Leeds)

Today, my new doctor asked if I'm sexually active. I said no. He nodded and murmured "No surprise there." Thanks, mate. FML

#21414914
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27299) - you deserved it (2264)

On 05/24/2015 at 11:56am - misc - by Mona Lisa was a skank-ass ho (man) - United Kingdom (Stockport)

Today, I sleep during the day because I work nights. My neighbors have a very loud wedding and reception in their backyard including a live mariachi band. FML

#21414664
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26082) - you deserved it (2991)

On 05/23/2015 at 10:38pm - misc - by Vlen (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my mom told me I'm the reason she's going to kill herself one day. FML

#21414323
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27646) - you deserved it (2656)

On 05/23/2015 at 3:51am - kids - by DaoOfPow (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my dad came to my 8-year-old daughter's birthday party wearing a shirt that said "Small penis, huge dick." FML

#21414312
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27905) - you deserved it (2116)

On 05/23/2015 at 3:03am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)



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