Today, I managed to stop my supervisor from falling into a trench, only for the ground to give way and for me to fall in instead. My supervisor didn't even notice. FML

by Oops / 09/13/2016 at 2:28pm / United States (Oregon) / Work

Today, I bought a new phone. It's shock proof, water proof, you name it. Just not kitten proof, it seems. That's $400 down the drain. FML

by jshum / 09/13/2016 at 11:02am / Australia (Victoria) / Animals

Today, following a 6-hour roundtrip after having lost both games from a baseball doubleheader, I was pleasantly surprised to see that my 4-year-old son was still up. After updating him on the day's results, he went off to bed with the words, "Good night, loser." FML

by Loser / 09/13/2016 at 8:10am / Germany (Bayern) / Kids

Today, after days of working with a client on plans for a project, I received a message half way through completion saying the deal was off because "my prices were so low it seemed like a scam". FML

by JPlays / 09/12/2016 at 11:31pm / United States (Nevada) / Work

Today, as I was walking up to a urinal I heard a small hiss. I looked up just in time to get an eye full of chemicals from the automatic air freshener. I rinsed my eye out and went back to the urinal. It happened again. FML

by el_Jeffe_D / 09/11/2016 at 12:05pm / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous

Today, my co-worker, who used to be in a frat with me in college, decided to tell all my coworkers as well as my boss all the stupid things I did in college, starting with the time a girl stole my clothes and I had to walk across campus naked. FML

by fretting / 09/08/2016 at 1:02pm / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, my laziness got so bad, I downloaded an app and spent 10 minutes configuring it to work with my TV and cable box, just so I wouldn't have to get up and grab the remote. FML

by Needlongerarms / 09/08/2016 at 8:56am / Israel (Tel Aviv) / Geek

Today, I found the dog I lost while I was dog sitting. It was with its new adoptive family. FML

by mista hunna / 09/08/2016 at 1:31am / United States (Maryland) / Animals

Today, after years in a relationship I realized that my partner does not like the music I listen to, the food I cook, the pictures I take, the way I dress. The only thing she likes is when I take her out to eat. FML

by mymidlifecrisis / 09/08/2016 at 12:53am / United States (California) / Love

Today, my boss threw a party for everyone in the office who has a birthday in September. Everyone got a cake with their names on it except me. My birthday is today. FML

by Anonymous / 09/06/2016 at 2:54pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, at the hardware store, I had to physically restrain my senile grandpa from trying to take a crap in one of the display toilets. FML

by Anonymous / 09/06/2016 at 9:36am / Estonia (Tartumaa) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out my co-worker had made plans for a night out, just as I'd cancelled all of mine to work with him on a project for the next 4 hours. FML

by Dan V / 09/05/2016 at 2:35am / United States (Michigan) / Work

Today, my friend and I were eating in my car in a McDonald's parking lot, when an angry, drunk man stumbled out of the restaurant and into his car. He then hit the McDonald's wall, turned around and sped straight into my car. I only bought it a week ago. FML

by whyme / 09/02/2016 at 12:33am / United States (California) / Transportation