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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, our mouse problem finally started to go away. Now we have a snake problem. FML

#21423927
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22703) - you deserved it (1796)

On 06/10/2015 at 1:55pm - misc - by Eisenhorn (man) - United States

Today, my apparently insane and now ex-girlfriend actually claimed she didn't technically cheat on me, because she set her Facebook relationship to "single" before screwing my brother. FML

#21423879
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30208) - you deserved it (1807)

On 06/10/2015 at 11:28am - intimacy - by waiting till marriage, she said (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I received a package from Amazon. My mum smiled at me when I entered the living room, pointing to my package. She had already opened it and held back her smile. My penis pills for longer endurance just got delivered. FML

#21422808
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27015) - you deserved it (7884)

On 06/08/2015 at 12:00pm - intimacy - by Wrabel (man) - Germany (Rheinland-Pfalz)

Today, I am going to take a law school test. My Mom told me to relax, so I told her, "I'm better at stressing out, so I have something to fall back on if I bomb the test." To which she replied, "And masturbating, you've always excelled at that." FML

#21422751
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24409) - you deserved it (4144)

On 06/08/2015 at 9:35am - intimacy - by LZapped (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had my first driving lesson. I learned how to be stopped by a cop, who told me what a horrible driver I was. FML

#21422346
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21311) - you deserved it (3348)

On 06/07/2015 at 2:23pm - misc - by unhappy (man) - United States (California)

Today, I tried talking to my wife about our sexless marriage. Her only response was to toss me a sock and say "Knock yourself out, fuckstick." FML

#21422165
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28532) - you deserved it (3162)

On 06/07/2015 at 3:54am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I learned that not only do wood ticks have a habit of dropping off of branches onto you as you walk under them, they also like to hang out in groups of five or six. FML

#21421750
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23644) - you deserved it (1744)

On 06/06/2015 at 12:19pm - animals - by seadrick (man) - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, my mom found my weed stash and went berserk, grounding me and saying she's going to have my bedroom door removed. Less than an hour later, I found her laughing and smoking the same stash with my dad in the backyard. FML

#21421662
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27476) - you deserved it (8543)

On 06/06/2015 at 5:11am - misc - by lehonX9 (man) - Germany (Niedersachsen)

Today, I have food poisoning. My boss told me that if I didn't come into work, I'd be fired. Not 30 minutes after sitting down, I sneezed and shat my pants. My boss still won't let me leave. FML

#21421576
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28739) - you deserved it (1822)

On 06/06/2015 at 12:20am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, one of my two roommates moved out without warning after we discovered that the rent hadn't been paid in full in a month, the utility bill hadn't been paid in two months, and the electric bill hadn't been paid in three months. We found out when the power was turned off. FML

Today, I overheard my wife telling my mother-in-law I was diagnosed with a learning disability earlier this week. She replied, "I always knew he was a retard. Why did you ever marry that idiot?" All my wife did was mutter "I don't know." FML

#21420583
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27744) - you deserved it (1939)

On 06/04/2015 at 5:08am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Maldives (Maale)

Today, when leaving my apartment, I instantly noticed there was a giant dump truck in our lot, which turned out to be directly behind my car. After making a 20-point escape from my parking space and getting to work late, my roommate texts me "DUDE guess what I got last night". A giant dump truck. FML

#21420204
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24817) - you deserved it (1884)

On 06/03/2015 at 12:18pm - misc - by dump truck hater (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I made a nursing home resident laugh so hard that he had a heart attack. FML

#21420106
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30521) - you deserved it (2784)

On 06/03/2015 at 6:15am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Indiana)



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