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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I was working as the shift manager at my job at a fast food restaurant. Our company policy states that all employees must be clean shaven before coming to work. I had to inform one of the employees, Kris, that they had to shave before clocking in. Kris is a woman. FML

#766931
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64762) - you deserved it (3019)

On 04/02/2009 at 2:21pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, we sparred for Tae Kwon Do. I forgot my cup, but I didn't think anyone sucked enough to hit me below the belt. 5 seconds into a match, some girl knees me in the happy sacks. After writhing in pain for 30 seconds, I got back up to spar. I didn't think she sucked enough to do it again. She did. FML

#763376
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61128) - you deserved it (29327)

On 04/02/2009 at 6:28am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, as I worked the drive-through at Wendy's, the hottest girl from my math class pulled up to the window. As I handed her the drink, I asked her what she thought of our math test today. She screamed "How did you know I had a math test, you creep!", threw the drink at me, and drove off. FML

#761091
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (85535) - you deserved it (6607)

On 04/02/2009 at 1:09am - work - by olalala2382 (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I bitched out my grandmother, who lives with my family, for being lazy and laying in bed until 6-7pm for the past month. When I was done, she told me she had been diagnosed with cancer and was depressed because of it. Nobody had bothered to tell me. FML

#755520
260 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25630) - you deserved it (91061)

On 04/01/2009 at 9:17pm - misc - by Casino (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was playing in a basketball game and blocked this kid's shot. I was really pumped up about it until I realized the kid had cerebral palsy and the coach put him on the team because he really wanted to be on at least one team in his life. FML

#754316
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29242) - you deserved it (49912)

On 04/01/2009 at 8:36pm - misc - by jalapenos99 (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, one of my baseball teammates thought it would be funny to perform a "cup-check", by hitting our crotches with the end of a baseball bat. I was actually watching the game, so I didn't see him when he came up and hit me. I wasn't wearing a cup. My nuts have shrunk by half of regular size. FML

#754264
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56565) - you deserved it (10922)

On 04/01/2009 at 8:34pm - misc - by Nutless (man) - United States (New York)

Today, bouncing at a local bar. I I.D.'d a girl with a group of people. I told her that next time she used a fake I.D., she at least should get one with a picture that looked like her. She started crying and ran off. A guy told me that she had been in a car wreck, and had been badly disfigured. FML

#745352
256 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51516) - you deserved it (66846)

On 04/01/2009 at 12:51pm - work - by tsardaukar (man) - United States (Maine)

Today, we were swimming in gym class. There are some cute girls in our class and they were wearing their bikinis. I was looking at them when I got an erection but since I was underwater I thought no one would see. I'm on the diving team so my teacher asked me to demonstrate a dive to the class. FML

#742814
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59773) - you deserved it (15534)

On 04/01/2009 at 8:16am - intimacy - by easilyexited (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, at work the police were looking over video footage of an incident earlier in the day where a car had slammed hard into another one in the carpark. My manager came into the kitchen and asked if I wanted to come see it to for a laugh. The car that got hit was mine. FML

#742330
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73942) - you deserved it (2906)

On 04/01/2009 at 6:07am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I ran to a public bathroom because of explosive diarrhea. In the middle of it, I noticed there was no more toilet paper nor paper towels remaining. The smallest bill in my wallet was a 5. I had to pay 10 dollars to wipe my own butt. FML

#741988
289 comments

I agree, your life sucks (88455) - you deserved it (18415)

On 04/01/2009 at 4:16am - misc - by highleyj (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was on a crowded subway going home. My trousers were a bit dusty so I tried to dust myself off. As I was slapping the side of my leg I missed and hit a woman behind me in the ass. She called me a pervert and walked off. Everyone stared at me. It takes 40 minutes to get home. FML

#740929
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48399) - you deserved it (11510)

On 04/01/2009 at 2:07am - misc - by Thithien1 (man) - Korea Republic of (Seoul-t'ukpyolsi)

Today, I was walking down the street with my acoustic guitar on my back. I saw a girl that I like coming down the opposite way, so I decided to play my guitar to try and impress her. I started to tune it quickly, but while I wasn't paying attention, I ran into a pole. Now my guitar is cracked. FML

#740742
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18424) - you deserved it (73706)

On 04/01/2009 at 1:47am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)



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