Today, I found out that being rhythmically challenged really really sucks. I was trying to dance around sexily for my girlfriend, and I was doing that one move where you thrust your pelvis forward, and swing you hand from side to side. I hit myself in the nuts. FML

by Dumbfuck / 09/25/2009 at 12:41am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I was going at a big concert in my university. I paid around a hundred-twenty bucks for my ticket. Outside the venue, people were handing out the tickets. For free. FML

by akosirm / 09/24/2009 at 10:28pm / Philippines (Bulacan) / Miscellaneous

Today, while on my first day off in 2 years, I decided to play online poker. I won over $3,000. While filling out my information to get the money the power went out. FML

by shouldagone2work / 09/24/2009 at 5:24pm / United States (New Jersey) / Money

Today, the weird receptionist at the hotel I'm staying at asked me if I needed an extra blanket because I "looked cold in my sleep last night". FML

by scaredtosleep / 09/24/2009 at 5:50am / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous

Today, I took the family to the Rainforest Café. There was no parking and I detest paying $12 for valet parking. I parked at Wal-Greens across the street in the only spot without a "patrons only, violators will be towed" sign. It was covered by the tree branches. It cost me $225 for the cab and fine. FML

by fme / 09/24/2009 at 1:24am / United States (Indiana) / Transportation

Today, I was planning on breaking up with my girlfriend of five years in two days time. She just mailed me a care package that said, "I'd die without you." FML

by Anonymous / 09/24/2009 at 12:52am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I moved in with an older gentleman renting out a room. Tonight, he had a domestic dispute with his girlfriend who threw a lawn chair at my car. FML

by Davios / 09/24/2009 at 12:34am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I surprised my girlfriend with U2 tickets. Still no action. FML

by loveless / 09/24/2009 at 12:30am / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, I got back from vacation and realised I still had the motel key. The key-ring has the address on it, so you can post it back to them. I drove to the postbox and posted the key. I then discovered that the motel key won't start my car. FML

by fmlxxxx / 09/23/2009 at 9:15am / New Zealand (Wellington) / Holidays

Today, I was playing hide and seek with my eight year old cousin. For the past two turns, he had been hiding in the bathroom. I saw the bathroom lights on, yet again, and opened the door with a triumphant "AHA!" It was my Grandma, taking a smelly dump. FML

by Anonymous / 09/23/2009 at 6:23am / Singapore / Kids

Today, I came to a realization that the closest people to me in my life, the ones who are warm and welcoming, who're happy to see me, who honestly wanna know how I've been and how I feel, whose smiles make me feel warm and fuzzy inside, are the baristas at Starbucks, not my actual 'friends'. FML

by Anonymous / 09/23/2009 at 4:46am / Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend beat me at ping pong, twenty to three. She said I let her win because I don't respect her, then stormed out of the room. I'm just really bad at ping pong. FML

by garrett / 09/23/2009 at 4:14am / United States (Minnesota) / Love

Today, I was in a college band rehearsal, and I get a call saying "your car was just hit by a tree!" I said "yeah, right", and hung up on her. Minutes later, the band manager walks in and tells me that my car is totaled. I then went and stood in the rain watching a tree get cut off my car. FML

by Anonymous / 09/22/2009 at 10:31pm / United States (Missouri) / Transportation