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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, my girlfriend told me she wanted me to be her first and last...with plenty of people in between. FML

#102962
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59520) - you deserved it (4731)

On 02/22/2009 at 10:10am - intimacy - by Charles (man) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, I was at a party and all my friends started asking me ways they could leave so no one would notice because the party sucked. It was MY party. FML

#102896
19 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34506) - you deserved it (6502)

On 02/22/2009 at 9:37am - misc - by SIK of everything (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, the girl I love told me she was sick of guys. I replied that I happened to be a guy. She laughed and said "No, I mean the boyfriend type!" FML

#101898
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41438) - you deserved it (3692)

On 02/22/2009 at 2:16am - love - by Marleck (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I did my work, the work of my co-worker who called in sick and the work of my boss who has no idea what the hell is going on all at the same time. I didn't get a promotion because I don't work hard enough. FML

#101471
14 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37272) - you deserved it (2560)

On 02/22/2009 at 1:14am - work - by Noname (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I went to the doctor with my parents. When the doctor asked if I was sexually active, I said 'Yes.' My mom laughed and said 'Good one.' My dad, for added effect said, 'Your hand doesn't count.' FML

#99885
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60189) - you deserved it (6164)

On 02/21/2009 at 10:16pm - intimacy - by Nails (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got my fake ID and went out with the boys to dinner and the bars. One of my friends asked to see my ID. He noticed my birthday didn't make me over 21. I paid $170 for a fake ID with my real birthday. FML

#98972
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10926) - you deserved it (65862)

On 02/21/2009 at 8:19pm - money - by Noname (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, while on a blind date at Hooters, I ordered my food and the waitress asked me if I was stoned, because she couldn't understand me. I have a speech impediment. FML

#98933
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52642) - you deserved it (3660)

On 02/21/2009 at 8:15pm - health - by Vince (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, while working on a carpentry project with my friend at 2am, and enjoying some beers, I cut my hand and realized I needed medical attention. Neither of us being in driving shape, I knocked on my parents bedroom door to request a ride. I was told I had to wait for them to "finish." FML

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend for the first time, and she asked me if I ever get made fun of in the locker room for my small penis. FML

#97729
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (82287) - you deserved it (5508)

On 02/21/2009 at 5:24pm - intimacy - by Mike (man) - United States (New York)

Today, My girlfriend came from behind me and put her hand in my back pockets. I though it was someone trying to take my wallet, I elbowed her in the nose and broke it. FML

#96443
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40710) - you deserved it (10675)

On 02/21/2009 at 2:23pm - love - by goddamitme (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I realized that the beef jerky someone had left on the counter and that I'd been sneaking a few pieces of every morning had a cartoon dog holding two strips of beef jerky. I wondered why nobody else was eating it. It was beef jerky for dogs. FML

#94421
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7296) - you deserved it (43004)

On 02/21/2009 at 2:44am - animals - by Chubsley (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, during a text conversation with a girl I've been trying to get with, she complained about how crummy of a day she was having. I told her it couldn't be as bad as she thought, and she would probably get it over it soon. Then she told me she had found out her cousin had been murdered. FML

#94362
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43112) - you deserved it (10836)

On 02/21/2009 at 2:30am - love - by schellbytheseashore (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, My mom walked in on me and my 2 year crush about to have sex. When she saw us she said "oh I'll just wait outside, I know it wont be long anyway." FML

#93676
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72647) - you deserved it (5921)

On 02/21/2009 at 12:41am - intimacy - by Noname (man) - United States (Texas)



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