Today, I sat to the right of a girl I really like. I passed her a note asking her to homecoming. She read it, then hurriedly passed it to a hideous girl sitting on her left, who said yes, then hugged me. FML

by asshole / 10/02/2009 at 1:34am / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, I applied for college graduation. Turns out my advisor screwed me over and now I'm 1 credit hour short of getting my degree. Now I have to wait another semester and pay $3,500 just to take a one hour class on Bowling so that I can graduate. FML

by Anonymous / 10/02/2009 at 12:46am / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mother's beloved cat died and we thought it would be nice to bury it in the back yard. I came home from work and while walking to the door saw that the cat had been dug up and partially eaten by the local raccoons and strays. FML

by catstew / 10/01/2009 at 9:43pm / United States (Florida) / Animals

Today, while I was at work, my wife discovered you cannot put out a grease fire with water. I came home to a frantic spouse, a fire department bill, and a newly destroyed kitchen. FML

by needs_another_loan / 10/01/2009 at 9:43pm / United States (Wyoming) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend told me she lost her phone and not to call or text her. After about three hours, I text her phone, asking if she found it yet. I got a reply, saying "Nope." FML

by dumbass / 10/01/2009 at 4:07pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I lent my parents a copy of "The Dark Knight", saying it was one of my favorite movies so they needed to watch it. A bit later my mom called... Apparently my roommate wanted to watch it as well, but couldn't find the case to his porno and decided to just use the Batman case instead. FML

by Broly171 / 10/01/2009 at 3:46pm / United States (Iowa) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at my son's baseball game when a foul ball came flying toward my brand new car. In an attempt to save my windshield, I dove onto trying to stop the ball only to land on my windshield, crack it and see the ball land safely on the ground next to my car. FML

by baseball25635 / 10/01/2009 at 2:27pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized that I can't shave my unibrow because I have too much acne on my forehead. FML

by ugh / 10/01/2009 at 11:49am / United States (Ohio) / Health

Today, on facebook, I realized I had over 500 friends. I told my one friend and she changed her status to "How can Dan have over 500 facebook friends? Nobody even likes him" there were 42 likes, and twenty comments that said "agreed." FML

by notliked / 10/01/2009 at 6:33am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up to the realization that the 2-hour nap I wanted to take before I went out with my friends last night was actually a 12-hour nap. I missed everything. FML

by Ataraxia / 10/01/2009 at 3:05am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I came home from work and found my house egged, and bricks thrown through my windows. I called the police, and submitted a report. Later that night, I heard the doorbell ring. Nobody was at the house, but there was a note saying "Sorry, wrong house". FML

by egged / 10/01/2009 at 2:43am / Singapore / Miscellaneous

Today, I was talking to my best friend. After admitting to me that he's gay, I gave him a hug for support and comfort, feeling his erection on my upper thigh. FML

by betchyo / 10/01/2009 at 2:10am / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy

Today, I was on my computer when the girl that I really like instant-messages me. I went to type back, accidentally pressed control-V, and posted an entire article on how to remove genital warts. FML

by Garrett / 10/01/2009 at 1:58am / United States (Oregon) / Health