Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I met a cute girl at a dance club. I entered her number in my phone just before she left the club. With a proud smile, I turned the screen towards my buddy, showing off my accomplishment. Attempting to give me a friendly pat he accidentally closed my phone. I hadn't saved the number. FML

#2870755
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37861) - you deserved it (15946)

On 06/13/2009 at 10:24pm - misc - by philderichmond (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was so excited to play the video game I just bought, I decided to read the manual in the game. I went over the seizure warning and thought to myself, who the hell gets a seizure from playing a video game? Apparently I do. FML

#2867945
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54087) - you deserved it (8138)

On 06/13/2009 at 8:47pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I gave a carpet shampooing demonstration in a stranger's home. To my surprise, the white expensive carpet was dyed grey due to something in the solution. The owner held me hostage in her house by barracading the door until my manager got there. FML

#2861063
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43797) - you deserved it (7970)

On 06/13/2009 at 3:47pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was in my backyard. When I wanted to come back in the house, I tried to open the sliding door. I knew that my brother locked me out so I banged on the door very hard, causing the glass to break. It turns out that the door wasn't locked. FML

#2860998
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8442) - you deserved it (47138)

On 06/13/2009 at 3:46pm - misc - by knoppad (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I logged into facebook for the first time in a month. I had only 3 new notifications, they were to tell me that the poker application I used on there "missed me" and wanted to give me 10,000 free chips. My poker app talks to me more than my friends. FML

#2856360
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40183) - you deserved it (6058)

On 06/13/2009 at 12:11pm - misc - by Facebook (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was volunteering at a zoo event for special needs kids. My job was to dress up in a kangaroo costume and greet the kids. One kid came up and said "You're not real!" and kicked me in the nuts. FML

#2854895
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50302) - you deserved it (4394)

On 06/13/2009 at 10:42am - kids - by Hackmanjones (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I finally got enough courage to ask out this girl that I've liked for a year. While we were out at lunch, she ran into her ex that she had just broken up with. They then had a long conversation about their relationship, and ended up getting back together. She was my ride home. FML

#2853561
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49396) - you deserved it (3198)

On 06/13/2009 at 8:15am - love - by e.middlechild (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I introduced my ex-wife to my new girlfriend. They got along so well that my new girlfriend is going to my ex-wife's house tonight "just to hang out". FML

Today, for the first time in over a year, my mother actually called me. I excitedly picked up the phone. All I heard was rustling; her purse dialed me. FML

#2851443
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50262) - you deserved it (2891)

On 06/13/2009 at 3:10am - love - by slukaa (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I made a patient really happy. I work in a long term care facility and was changing a woman's diaper. While cleaning her, I somehow managed to give her an orgasm with a warm wash cloth. FML

#2850957
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67584) - you deserved it (4387)

On 06/13/2009 at 2:40am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I realized that I've been a member of eHarmony for almost a year. No one has ever contacted me out of the 134 people I've been "scientifically" matched with. FML

#2848981
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42603) - you deserved it (6731)

On 06/13/2009 at 1:17am - love - by Anon (man) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I found out that my 'girlfriend', who I've been emailing with, was really my friend playing a prank on me. He asked me for naked pictures of myself and I sent them to him. FML

#2842632
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21984) - you deserved it (73234)

On 06/12/2009 at 9:47pm - love - by Paco4242 (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I wanted to use my gift card for a liquor store. I went to pay the cashier, who said he needed to see my license. I gave it to him as well as my gift card. After paying, he asked me if I wanted him to cut it up, since the card was now worth $0. I said yes. He cut the wrong card. FML

#2839011
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55962) - you deserved it (4363)

On 06/12/2009 at 7:35pm - misc - by bryans_fresh (man) - United States (Virginia)



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