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Man or woman?

Today, I went out with this girl I really liked and she came back to my place. Things were heating up and we ended up having sex and I was on top. I was really into it and in the middle of it she held up her wrist and said "oh, look at the time, I gotta get home". She wasn't wearing a watch. FML

#618347
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (77160) - you deserved it (14314)

On 03/26/2009 at 4:37am - intimacy - by crap (man) - Thailand (Krung Thep)

Today, I met my girlfriend's very religious parents for dinner. Somehow we got to talking about her groin hernias that were repaired as a baby. I never knew she had hernias repaired and said, "But she doesn't have any scars down there." There was a long awkward silence. FML

#618069
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31480) - you deserved it (118400)

On 03/26/2009 at 3:37am - intimacy - by douchetard (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I got back from a 6 month deployment overseas. My girlfriend of 3 years couldn't pick me up from the airport because she had an intramural softball game to go to. FML

#617826
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70821) - you deserved it (5314)

On 03/26/2009 at 3:06am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my friends and me had a little water balloon fight and somehow it led to throwing water balloons at cars. We all decided to hit a car all at once, after one came by we all hit it. The car stopped and started flashing bright blue lights. We ended up hitting an off-duty police car. FML

#616637
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9422) - you deserved it (103064)

On 03/26/2009 at 1:20am - misc - by AzNFoo (man) - United States (California)

Today, my mom told me she spent $760 on "quantum pendants" that "produce scalar energy that helps to enhance the body’s biofield." When I told her she got scammed, she denied it and yelled at me. Best part? She frequently lectures me about how I waste my money and spend irresponsibly. FML

#616286
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58980) - you deserved it (4467)

On 03/26/2009 at 1:06am - money - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I realized my friends and I should be more careful what we say around my younger brother. I never thought he was paying attention until today. My stepmom told him it was time to go to bed. He responded, "I think it's time for you to suck one." My brother is 4. FML

#615927
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12967) - you deserved it (56903)

On 03/26/2009 at 12:42am - misc - by Alex (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I went to the doctor to find out why I've been feeling so sick the past several weeks. Turns out, I'm severely allergic to the cat of my girlfriend of two years. I told her "It's me or the cat." She chose the cat. FML

#598637
245 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60894) - you deserved it (25309)

On 03/25/2009 at 12:43pm - love - by fmlsrsly (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, we got our yearbooks for school. I opened to my profile to see that they misspelled my first name which is James. They wrote Lames. FML

#598465
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (140541) - you deserved it (10856)

On 03/25/2009 at 12:32pm - misc - by rusty2020 (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was shaving off my beard for the first time in a very long time. I decided to have a little fun with it, and shaved my beard first into a goatee, then a handle-bar, then, finally, into a Hitler mustache. My electric razor dies. I don't have a normal one or an extra battery. FML

#597085
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34783) - you deserved it (79123)

On 03/25/2009 at 10:13am - misc - by nomorebeard (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my friends decided that I eat too many snacks. To emphasize this point, they went behind my back and printed 300 pages with my face and the words "NO SNACKS" on them. They were posted in every academic building on campus, including every room I have class in. FML

#594482
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62945) - you deserved it (9305)

On 03/25/2009 at 1:45am - misc - by face (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my watch broke so I casually mentioned to my dad that I needed a new one. A little while later he hands me this really nice watch. He says, "Here, this one's been lying around for a while". It was the watch I gave him for Father's Day. FML

#593767
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68349) - you deserved it (4085)

On 03/25/2009 at 1:06am - misc - by regiftee (man) - United States (Texas)



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