Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I told my girlfriend I have only one testicle. Her reaction? "Eeew, balls are gross!" I'm glad to know I'm only half as gross as other guys. FML

#5463165
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25529) - you deserved it (3301)

On 09/25/2009 at 7:13am - intimacy - by lone_ranger (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out that being rhythmically challenged really really sucks. I was trying to dance around sexily for my girlfriend, and I was doing that one move where you thrust your pelvis forward, and swing you hand from side to side. I hit myself in the nuts. FML

#5460176
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7998) - you deserved it (25043)

On 09/25/2009 at 12:41am - intimacy - by Dumbfuck (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was going at a big concert in my university. I paid around a hundred-twenty bucks for my ticket. Outside the venue, people were handing out the tickets. For free. FML

#5457566
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32623) - you deserved it (13007)

On 09/24/2009 at 10:28pm - misc - by akosirm (man) - Philippines (Bulacan)

Today, while on my first day off in 2 years, I decided to play online poker. I won over $3,000. While filling out my information to get the money the power went out. FML

#5450492
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49941) - you deserved it (4503)

On 09/24/2009 at 5:24pm - money - by shouldagone2work (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, the weird receptionist at the hotel I'm staying at asked me if I needed an extra blanket because I "looked cold in my sleep last night". FML

#5443972
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65615) - you deserved it (2780)

On 09/24/2009 at 5:50am - misc - by scaredtosleep (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I took the family to the Rainforest Café. There was no parking and I detest paying $12 for valet parking. I parked at Wal-Greens across the street in the only spot without a "patrons only, violators will be towed" sign. It was covered by the tree branches. It cost me $225 for the cab and fine. FML

#5442113
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10874) - you deserved it (42373)

On 09/24/2009 at 1:24am - money - by fme (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was planning on breaking up with my girlfriend of five years in two days time. She just mailed me a care package that said, "I'd die without you." FML

#5441571
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39983) - you deserved it (13276)

On 09/24/2009 at 12:52am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I moved in with an older gentleman renting out a room. Tonight, he had a domestic dispute with his girlfriend who threw a lawn chair at my car. FML

#5441179
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34373) - you deserved it (2213)

On 09/24/2009 at 12:34am - misc - by Davios (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I surprised my girlfriend with U2 tickets. Still no action. FML

#5441103
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14303) - you deserved it (31380)

On 09/24/2009 at 12:30am - intimacy - by loveless (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I got back from vacation and realised I still had the motel key. The key-ring has the address on it, so you can post it back to them. I drove to the postbox and posted the key. I then discovered that the motel key won't start my car. FML

#5425393
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17241) - you deserved it (40384)

On 09/23/2009 at 9:15am - misc - by fmlxxxx (man) - New Zealand (Wellington)

Today, I was playing hide and seek with my eight year old cousin. For the past two turns, he had been hiding in the bathroom. I saw the bathroom lights on, yet again, and opened the door with a triumphant "AHA!" It was my Grandma, taking a smelly dump. FML

#5424247
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18414) - you deserved it (36709)

On 09/23/2009 at 6:23am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Singapore

Today, I came to a realization that the closest people to me in my life, the ones who are warm and welcoming, who're happy to see me, who honestly wanna know how I've been and how I feel, whose smiles make me feel warm and fuzzy inside, are the baristas at Starbucks, not my actual 'friends'. FML

#5423861
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35888) - you deserved it (5664)

On 09/23/2009 at 4:46am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur)

Today, my girlfriend beat me at ping pong, twenty to three. She said I let her win because I don't respect her, then stormed out of the room. I'm just really bad at ping pong. FML

#5423695
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42082) - you deserved it (4318)

On 09/23/2009 at 4:14am - love - by garrett (man) - United States (Minnesota)



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