Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Today, I finally decided to get a dog. I have always been wanting to get one ever since I was a child. I bought a $1,400 Golden Retriever. I went out for lunch a few hours later with a friend, so I left my dog in the backyard. I came back home to a broken fence and no dog. FML

#909263
269 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19684) - you deserved it (45536)

On 04/10/2009 at 11:40pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I went to a friend's sweet sixteen. Since I didn't know any else at the party I was really happy when the mother told me she sat me next to someone she thought I would have a lot in common with. He ended up being mentally challenged and talked to a sock puppet the whole party. FML

#908452
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50232) - you deserved it (3104)

On 04/10/2009 at 10:37pm - misc - by NotRetarded (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I finally bought the toy my two year old son always wanted. He would always tap on the TV when the commercial for it would appear. I give him the present, and he starts playing with the bag. FML

#907158
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37835) - you deserved it (8643)

On 04/10/2009 at 8:37pm - kids - by Bob (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was sitting in my chemistry class when a sick girl behind me asked "Can I go to the bathroom?" My teacher, being smart said, "Don't you mean MAY I use the bathroom?" Meanwhile, the girl behind me started throwing up all over her desk and me. FML

#901011
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56430) - you deserved it (2291)

On 04/10/2009 at 12:53pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was babysitting my neighbor's kid. We were playing in the yard, when he fell and got a small scratch on his leg. I gasp, and he takes a huge breath in and yells, "FUUUCK!!!" as loud as possible. The parents thought it was me, and the mother slapped me in the face. FML

#900029
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61048) - you deserved it (2605)

On 04/10/2009 at 11:35am - kids - by mandy (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my mate came over wanting me to listen to a new music cd he got. It was by some unknown band, and at the end he asked me what I thought, and I said it was ok, but the lead singer couldn't sing even if his life depended on it. Turns out my mate's the lead singer, and it was his own band. FML

#899489
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22377) - you deserved it (37569)

On 04/10/2009 at 10:41am - misc - by Jay (man) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Today, I was driving my car like any ordinary day. My dad has been harping on me about not checking the oil, so I finally checked it. Driving down the road my hood flew up and shattered my windshield. I forgot to latch my hood after checking the oil. $300 for a new windshield. The oil was fine. FML

#899403
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15598) - you deserved it (53490)

On 04/10/2009 at 10:35am - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maine)

Today, I was sent to an elementary school for safety day. One of the dads was asking about my job, when I told him about the long hours and high stress involved. He turned to his son and said "Now see why you stay in school?" I'm a paramedic. With a bachelor's degree. FML

#899104
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49596) - you deserved it (2497)

On 04/10/2009 at 10:07am - work - by Franco (man) - United States

Today, I had a bunch of parties while my parents were out of town. I made sure to clean up absolutely everything, I even vacuumed the stairs. As they pulled up, I noticed all of the trash bags filled with beer cans blocking their way into the garage. FML

#898279
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6908) - you deserved it (70453)

On 04/10/2009 at 6:17am - misc - by blah (man) - United States (Idaho)

Today, I went for a lunch interview for my dream job. The interview was great and at the end, I tried to seal the deal by complimenting my future boss. I said, "You're really hardworking. Do you always work on a Saturday?" He looked at me, smiled and then wrote something down. Today's Friday. FML

#897398
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10291) - you deserved it (43430)

On 04/10/2009 at 3:06am - work - by sifa (man) - Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur)

Today, my younger brother watched an old music video of The Who, who are know for smashing up their guitars and such. He decided it would be cool to try it with mine. That guitar was worth over $3000. FML

#894121
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70780) - you deserved it (3464)

On 04/09/2009 at 10:43pm - misc - by FML4evs (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went to a professional baseball game. In the 5th inning, our row was chosen for a random giveaway where everyone sitting in the row recieved free roundtrip airline tickets to New York City. While this was going on, I was up, getting a pretzel. FML



FML's blog

  • Zoé's Illustrated FML
  • Hey there, young whippersnappers. Yes, you, the youth. I’m talking to you, sitting at home, scratching your asses. Why aren’t you doing something more constructive with your lives? Stop watching that shit…

Friday 18 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: