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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, it dawned on me that I've been married for 6 months, but because of the Army I've spent only around 12 days total with my wife. FML

#3785387
332 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72740) - you deserved it (12173)

On 07/15/2009 at 9:04pm - misc - by broooooock (man) - United States

Today, I was at the grocery with my 4 year old daughter. She needed me to tie one of her shoes so I bent down. When I was done, I tickled her under the armpit and she screamed "Don't touch me there!". Everyone in the store turned to stare. FML

#3782569
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47278) - you deserved it (6763)

On 07/15/2009 at 7:22pm - kids - by shway (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I had a big party that left my house really messy. I spent hours cleaning the house until it was spotless. When my parents got home, my dad said "Did you have fun at the party?" and I said, "How'd you know?" and he replied "You hate cleaning and the house was filthy when we left". FML

#3777145
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11101) - you deserved it (48937)

On 07/15/2009 at 3:44pm - misc - by far23 (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my neighbor confessed to me that he was homophobic and regrets that his family doesnt know it. He spent fifteen minutes explaining how much he would hate to have a gay child. I spent two hours last night convincing his son that it was the right thing to tell his family he was gay. FML

#3776929
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52925) - you deserved it (4930)

On 07/15/2009 at 3:33pm - misc - by mook (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, a fax came in at work for a specific job, and I asked the owner of the company who it was for. He replied "the round one", so I handed it to our rotund Project Manager. Apparently the owner meant the garbage can, not my fat co-worker. Now i'm the asshole of the office. FML

#3774043
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17354) - you deserved it (38838)

On 07/15/2009 at 1:24pm - work - by kjcarey123 (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got an email from a Scholarship Program reminding me that they had rejected me 3 months ago. Thanks for reminding me I might not make it to college. FML

#3772317
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44595) - you deserved it (3081)

On 07/15/2009 at 12:02pm - money - by nsJ (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I found out I'm balding faster than my dad. I'm 19. FML

#3768794
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51827) - you deserved it (2743)

On 07/15/2009 at 4:09am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, at 3:00 am, I sat with my 3 year-old adopted daughter while she tried to go back to sleep. She had had a nightmare, and I read that "not leaving" was the most important thing a father could do. My wife woke and called me a pervert for sitting there. FML

#3768718
219 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62203) - you deserved it (2843)

On 07/15/2009 at 4:02am - kids - by me (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was eating a croissant. After eating half of it and about to take another bite, a spider crawled out of one of the holes of flaky deliciousness and descended down a thread of web to the table, where it scuddled away. There was a whole family of them living in there. FML

#3755395
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57002) - you deserved it (3523)

On 07/14/2009 at 7:57pm - animals - by homedoggieo (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my girlfriend's mom pulled me aside and started telling me about how her daughter was extremely depressed and suicidal before she met me, and how happy her family is because of me. I was planning on breaking up with her within the next week. FML

#3750994
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48317) - you deserved it (8295)

On 07/14/2009 at 5:10pm - misc - by hungryman (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my girlfriend of over a year said she has been faking her orgasms since the first time we've had sex. FML

#3746953
228 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46500) - you deserved it (19511)

On 07/14/2009 at 2:19pm - intimacy - by guess28 (man) - Puerto Rico

Today, I was in a music shop looking for a new guitar when someone called out someone else's name and jumped on my back. I lost balance and fell forward and broke 3 guitars and damaged another 6. The guy said "Sorry, thought you were someone else" and ran out. I now have to pay £2500. FML

#3741776
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63796) - you deserved it (3003)

On 07/14/2009 at 9:39am - money - by SomeoneElse (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a pet store to adopt a dog. I got a medium sized lab, a dog crate, and a few toys, then put his crate in the back of my truck and the dog in his crate. On the way home I realized I forgot dog bowls and some dog food. I went back, and when I got back out to my truck, my dog was gone. My stereo too. FML

#3739737
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48870) - you deserved it (7726)

On 07/14/2009 at 4:55am - animals - by doggone (man) - United States (Texas)



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