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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I had an argument with my wife. I told her to get back in the kitchen. How does she respond? By doing what I told her to do, and returning to hit me with a frying pan. FML

#5811871
302 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10446) - you deserved it (116764)

On 10/13/2009 at 2:54am - love - by PanFace (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, after I have spent $3,000 dollars in preparations to move in with my girlfriend of 2 and 1/2 years, she confesses she's a mental patient who stole someone elses identity. She was telling the truth. FML

#5811757
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41106) - you deserved it (3614)

On 10/13/2009 at 2:38am - misc - by IMayBeAFool (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I received a call from a collection agency. Since I had no clue, I was ready to file a police report for stolen identity. I then called my mom only to find out she has been opening new credit cards with my information for 3 years and not paying them. My credit is ruined and I'm only 21. FML

#5802914
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43949) - you deserved it (2135)

On 10/12/2009 at 7:32pm - money - by thafinest (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my "future" wife got drunk in front of my parents, who she was meeting for the first time. She called my dad a piece of shit and told my mom she wants to tear her own eyes out. FML

#5794322
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34748) - you deserved it (5493)

On 10/12/2009 at 10:52am - misc - by shocked (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I was in the toilet when somebody started banging on the door loudly. I panicked and immediately cleaned my self and opened the door. As I opened the door, my brother vomited all over me. FML

#5793982
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34200) - you deserved it (2647)

On 10/12/2009 at 10:21am - misc - by thisisbad (man) - Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur)

Today, while working as a plain clothes police officer, I witnessed a fight in a front yard. My partner and I intervened and clearly identified ourselves as police. Unfortunately, the two guys' mother didn't have her hearing aid in, and hit my arm with a baseball bat. FML

#5792064
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33819) - you deserved it (4263)

On 10/12/2009 at 4:38am - work - by Undercover (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my mom said I was the worst of her 5 children. My IQ is 130, an honor student, I don't smoke, I don't drink alcohol, or do drugs. I'm the "worst" because I don't go to church every Sunday. FML

#5791977
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48906) - you deserved it (10553)

On 10/12/2009 at 4:23am - misc - by worst (man) - Philippines (Quezon City)

Today, I had to crown the homecoming queen, a responsibility of mine as class president. It just happened to be that the queen is my ex-girlfriend that I still love, escorted by her new boyfriend. FML

#5786239
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39795) - you deserved it (3978)

On 10/11/2009 at 10:48pm - love - by anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my wife asked me if she looked cute in a new dress that she bought earlier today. I told her that she almost looks like a supermodel. Appearantly "almost" doesn't cut it. Guess who's sleeping on the couch. FML

#5785501
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36165) - you deserved it (12325)

On 10/11/2009 at 10:20pm - misc - by keepmouthshut (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was texting a girl that I've liked for some time. When I asked her what she was doing, she replied "texting and p.s. I love you". I replied by telling her my feelings for her. Turns out "p.s. I love you" was the name of the movie she was watching with her friends. FML

#5779716
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42975) - you deserved it (12456)

On 10/11/2009 at 5:24pm - love - by pinoyson (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went in my room to play my guitar. I found my Les Paul on the floor with all the strings missing. I later found out my grandma cut them off because I was playing "Devil's Music." FML

#5775880
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47651) - you deserved it (3545)

On 10/11/2009 at 1:21pm - misc - by cbarebo (man) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, my wife got the flu. While she was sleeping, I went out to buy her some soup and other things. When I was walking back through the door, she woke up, thought I was a burglar, and threw the closest thing to her at me. What was it? A cactus. FML

#5775465
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41069) - you deserved it (2673)

On 10/11/2009 at 12:48pm - misc - by prickly (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I realized I've been acting very paranoid lately. I was mugged a few weeks ago, so I've been nervous. I've been holding my hands in my pockets and looking around on my way outside from work. Apparently, that's grounds to arrest someone under suspicion of carrying a concealed weapon. FML

#5773283
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35507) - you deserved it (3164)

On 10/11/2009 at 9:21am - misc - by PackingSpaceHeat (man) - United States (New York)



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