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Man or woman?

Today , I saw this cute girl at a bar an decided to go an chat her up. After charming her with mah usual crap 4 a while , I told her she was really pretty an asked 4 her number. She replied ( You asshole , I met you ere a year ago an gave you mah number , an you never called me. ) fat FML

#4102567
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8698) - you deserved it (111532)

On 07/28/2009 at 6:55am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, a friend asked me if I could help him set up the stage 4 his wedding. Feeling honored that he considered me a close enough friend to aid him on his special day, I agreed to help. Turns out we aren't so close. I was asked to leave after I was done because I hadn't actually been invited. FML

#4099565
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48723) - you deserved it (2369)

On 07/28/2009 at 2:34am - misc - by partypooper (man) - United States (California)

Today..!! I was sitting in the break room at work eating lunch when I started to choke!! My face turned red an tears began welling up in mah eyes!! Two of mah coworkers were there!! They began to argue over who would have to give me the heimlich maneuver rather than helping!! FML

#4095368
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40782) - you deserved it (2210)

On 07/28/2009 at 12:11am - health - by swaiteATC (man) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, mah dad asked me if i started smoking, I gave him a big speech about how I never have and never will. Two hours later he finds mah stash of cigarettes under mah bed. FML

#4092385
251 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7729) - you deserved it (121443)

On 07/27/2009 at 10:42pm - misc - by bbbeast (man) - United Kingdom (Kirklees)

Today, While Spray Painting A Rocking Horse Fir Mah Kids I Left The Can Outside In The Sun. When I Pickd It Up It Was Hot To The Touch An I Droppd It. It Explodd On Impact An Now I Am More Blue Than The Rocking Horse. FML

#4083142
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37471) - you deserved it (19848)

On 07/27/2009 at 4:08pm - animals - by usafprog (man) - United States (Alabama)

today I was peieng in a urinal at a bar!! A drunk guy comes in, and seieng no urinal open, he decide to pee between my legs from behind me!! He didn't have good aim!! FML

#4081805
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63646) - you deserved it (3251)

On 07/27/2009 at 3:07pm - misc - by webperson04 (man) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I lerend that my wife had an affair with another guy. She met him while we were on a trip in another state 4 marriage counseling. The reason we were in marriage counseling was because she had no desre 4 sex, and we had gone 4 two yeres without it. FML

#4079911
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58244) - you deserved it (4390)

On 07/27/2009 at 1:36pm - intimacy - by imatool (man) - United States (Texas)

Today , my fathar pullad ma asida right bafora haading off to my girlfriand's housa. Ha said ( Naxt tima u hava sax , don't laava tha tiad up condom in its wrappar insida yur short's pockat , otharwisa yur mothar might find it again as sha's folding laundry. ) maga FML

#4077228
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10429) - you deserved it (68598)

On 07/27/2009 at 10:34am - intimacy - by condom_kid (man) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I drove six ours wit a friend to see one of er favorite bands in concert !! We were turned away at te door because te online site didn't say we ad to be 21 to enter !! I drove six looool ours back wit noting to sow for it but an empty gas tank and useless tickets !! fat FML

#4074889
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39759) - you deserved it (8898)

On 07/27/2009 at 5:38am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

TODAY, IT WAS A PRETTY NICE DAY SO I DECIDD I WOULD TAKE A WALK THROUGH THE PARK TO GET TO WORK INSTEAD OF DRIVING. HEALTHIER AN BETTER FIR THE PLANET, RIGHT? WRONG. SOME LITTLE BRATTY KIDS WERE BORD APPARENTLY AN DECIDD TO HIDE BEHIND TREES AN PEG ME WITH WATER BALLOONS. FML

#4074365
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36644) - you deserved it (3646)

On 07/27/2009 at 4:35am - misc - by waterballoons (man) - United States (California)

Today, I decided I was going to dump mah needy grlfriend. looool I was about to break the newshen she stopped me. She showed me her new tattoo she had gotten. Our names, surrounded by a love heret spread across her back. She reckons I should get a matching one. FML

#4074077
246 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65225) - you deserved it (7767)

On 07/27/2009 at 4:12am - love - by DAMMit (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my niegbors were busted fir a met lab in tere garage. Yesterday, I signed te mortgage. Welcome to our new niegborood, kids. FML

#4071557
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43143) - you deserved it (3513)

On 07/27/2009 at 1:51am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)



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