Today, while using the bathroom on an airplane, someone walked in on me wiping my butt. That person just so happened to be the stranger I was sitting next to. It was an 8 hour flight. FML

by GeorgiaBOYY / 01/04/2010 at 12:40pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Transportation

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house. We decided to have sex in her basement. All awesome, until her mom walked down and wanted to watch a movie with us. I had to watch it naked under a blanket. FML

by Anonymous / 01/04/2010 at 10:49am / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy

Today, I slipped on a patch of ice and fell. I would have fallen straight onto my ass, but thankfully my testicles broke my fall. FML

by Soresack / 01/04/2010 at 8:34am / United States (Arizona) / Health

Today, I returned to work after a restful week-long holiday. Before I left, I'd finished a huge assignment which is due this week. I walk in to find a water pipe has burst just above my desk, flooding our office with water and ruining my computer. Happy New Year to me. FML

by WetWetWet / 01/04/2010 at 6:15am / India (Maharashtra) / Work

Today, my 4 year old daughter was ripping out photos of the family photo book, I asked her why she was doing it she answered, "I saw mummy doing it to another book." The only other family photo book was the day we got married. FML

by Michael / 01/04/2010 at 3:50am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was on Facebook when I saw a link about what Pokémon would look like if they had genitals. I'm not quite sure why, but I decided to click it, and at that exact moment, my brother and his friend walked in. They told my mom I was looking at Pokémon porn. I'll never be able to live this down. FML

by grounded / 01/03/2010 at 11:40am / United Kingdom (Gloucestershire) / Intimacy

Today, while on the treadmill, my iPod fell and shot out underneath my feet. I got off to get it, and when I tried to get back on, I slipped and fell on my face on the moving track. The whole gym watched me get beat up by a treadmill and clapped when I finally got back on. FML

by i-should-probably-stick-to-swimming / 01/03/2010 at 11:28am / United States (California) / Health

Today, I woke up on the coldest morning of the year to discover that the gas fireplace has run out of propane, and there is no water because the pipes are frozen. While trying to locate the frozen pipe, I forgot to let the dog out, and she peed on the carpet. FML

by BW / 01/03/2010 at 11:04am / United States (South Carolina) / Animals

Today, I was sitting at the bar of a popular local restaurant. I sat there for a few hours and drank my sorrows away with the bartender. I thought she was pretty, and decided to give her a large tip. The tip sent me over my credit card limit, and the bartender is not single. FML

by halien1982 / 01/03/2010 at 1:36am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was fined because my son pushed the alarm button in the elevator. Why? There was a spider in there. FML

by arachnidphobia / 01/02/2010 at 10:22pm / United States (Florida) / Kids

Today, I got home to find my entire video game collection and all my consoles had been stolen. Two weeks ago I brought them back from my University accommodation, specifically to stop them from being stolen while I was at home for the Christmas holiday. FML

by greatstartto2010 / 01/02/2010 at 7:35pm / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was trying to see how far I could get away from the toilet while pissing. Instead I tripped over backwards and pissed all over my face. FML

by pissfaced / 01/02/2010 at 8:41am / New Zealand (Wellington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to visit my aunt who recently was released from an institution. She had leftover Christmas cookies so I began snacking on them. They tasted a bit off so I inquired about the ingredients. She told me they only had white icing so she used Crayola markers to give them color. FML

by Anonymous / 01/02/2010 at 8:33am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous