Today, my pet hedgehog thought it would be funny to roll around in the kitty litter. It was like washing a poopy cactus. FML

by StinkyCactus / 01/08/2010 at 1:23am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my boss told me when I transfer to a Target in Orlando I should work in the clothing department. He said it would be a good way for me to meet chicks. I told him all the girls who work in clothing in that store are ugly as hell. Apparently his daughters work there. I never knew that. FML

by Anonymous / 01/08/2010 at 12:39am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I realised that I have fallen for the most amazing girl. She's good looking, has a great personality, she's funny and is a hit with all my friends but she doesn't seem to realise she has a body odor problem. FML

by DDubs / 01/07/2010 at 10:30pm / United Kingdom / Love

Today, I was on a long-haul plane journey home from my holiday. After 5 hours, I decided to stretch my arms whilst watching a movie. Little did I know that a little girl was approaching, running down the aisle as my arm stretched out. I accidentally clothes-lined a little 9 year old girl. FML

by James4929 / 01/07/2010 at 7:25pm / United Kingdom / Transportation

Today, I was talking to a hot girl at the bus stop. She seemed interested in me and I was feeling a connection forming. When the bus came, I offered to let her board first, but she said it "wasn't her bus" and said goodbye. Later, I realized I'd spent 20 minutes making moves on a prostitute. FML

by SlappyMcGee / 01/07/2010 at 7:19pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, I was going over some paperwork with my back to my office door. As I turn around, my boss enters and says my name loudly. I was startled so bad that I jumped, yelped, and a high-pitched fart snuck out. Everyone in the office now gives prior notice before dropping by the "fart guy's" office. FML

by Mic / 01/07/2010 at 12:44pm / United States (North Carolina) / Work

Today, the doctor told me that I have Vasovagal Syncope: I pass out every time I get aroused. Bye bye sex. FML

by Sanchez / 01/07/2010 at 12:22pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, my friend whacked me on the family jewels while I was washing my hands in the college bathroom. While I lay writhing in pain on the floor, a guy at the urinal turned around towards me to see what was wrong. He was still peeing. FML

by TJ / 01/07/2010 at 11:50am / India (Maharashtra) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was going to the bathroom. As I was about to wipe, I noticed that the toilet paper had butterflies printed on it. Never before had I felt bad for wiping my ass. FML

by Doomy / 01/07/2010 at 9:43am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, my friends decided it would be funny to engage the child locks on the rear doors of my SUV. My SUV has a bolted cage for the dog separating the front from the back. Guess who was locked in their own car for 2 hours? FML

by Archie / 01/07/2010 at 3:31am / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, at work, I dropped a heavy block of lead on my hand. On my hunt for ice, I had to tell my manager - who told her manager, who told the chief - in the end, the whole department found out and they made me fill in two long arsed incident reports. I had to fill them in myself with my busted up hand. FML

by Anonymous / 01/07/2010 at 12:19am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

Today, after months of trying, my wife of seven years told me she is finally pregnant. I'm going to be an uncle. FML

by Anonymous / 01/06/2010 at 10:17pm / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, the police stopped me for "driving irresponsibly" in the snowy conditions. After the 'lecture', they went to pull off in their Ford Focus Estate. Managing to go forward, they then hit a patch of ice and slid back. Instead of breaking or turning, they let it slide back into the front of my car. FML

by VictimofLaw / 01/06/2010 at 8:57pm / United Kingdom (Gloucestershire) / Transportation

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.