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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I got a new cell phone. I was unable to retrieve my old contact list from my old phone, so I sent out a mass email asking my friends to "Give me your contact info, unless you don't want me to text/call you!" No one is responding. FML

#5390873
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32023) - you deserved it (11419)

On 09/21/2009 at 9:28am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my girlfriend decided to break up with me because she found a bra in my cupboard. It was hers. FML

#5389854
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42708) - you deserved it (3373)

On 09/21/2009 at 6:53am - love - by Wronged (man) - Singapore

Today, I got a client who ordered ice cream. She seemed really nice and I thought maybe she was into me. When I asked if she wanted peanuts for an additional 50 cents, she said no. Trying to be nice, I added them anyway free of charge. I later had to call the ambulance. She was allergic. FML

#5387856
324 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10232) - you deserved it (101261)

On 09/21/2009 at 2:06am - love - by FreeOfCharge (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I was at work when two sheriff's deputies walked in. They asked me my name and when I told them, they asked me to turn around and they cuffed me. They told me I was under arrest for robbery. Turns out I was mistakenly IDed, but now every one at my job thinks I'm an armed robber. FML

#5385997
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33069) - you deserved it (1921)

On 09/21/2009 at 12:12am - misc - by THATguy (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I bought the girl I like a bouquet of roses saying "anonymous" on it, and left it on her front porch. She saw it, and called the guy she thought it was from. He said "you're welcome" and now they're going out. FML

#5385782
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25227) - you deserved it (42635)

On 09/21/2009 at 12:02am - love - by anonymouss (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I went to my girlfriend's house for the first time. I had to use the restroom, and when I came back, I mocked her brothers' lame Pokémon shower curtain and Ninja Turtle towels. Turns out they were hers. FML

#5383572
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8635) - you deserved it (60157)

On 09/20/2009 at 10:28pm - love - by newlydumped (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, while helping my aunts with a garage sale, I sold a relish tray that looked like my mothers. When I put stuff away, I found items of my mothers tagged. Turns out, instead of holding onto my dead mother's items for me until I can store them, they've been selling them at discount prices. FML

Today, I was in my 15-year-old sister’s room when I found birth control pills. I told my parents, who responded by saying, "Sex is beautiful thing." When I was her age my parents caught me pleasuring myself, and smashed my laptop with a hammer, all while calling me "filthy" and "immoral". FML

#5375758
255 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56484) - you deserved it (9387)

On 09/20/2009 at 4:55pm - misc - by LovesHisHand (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went on a trip to DC. When I got back I found out my car was stolen. Apparently they didn't know how to drive a stick because it was only 4 blocks from my house and the engine was blown. FML

#5369923
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39481) - you deserved it (2155)

On 09/20/2009 at 11:07am - misc - by PoorCar (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my girlfriend of a year broke up with me because I didn't fight some guy that started hitting her right in front of me... In a dream. She was totally serious. FML

#5369029
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62302) - you deserved it (3852)

On 09/20/2009 at 9:21am - love - by dreamdude (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was excited to see my ex-girlfriend. We had broken up while I was in Iraq and I wanted to try to get her back. I spent my first day back looking for a place to live while her and her new boyfriend got it on as I slept. I had chosen that apartment for us and paid for that bed. FML

#5364542
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40016) - you deserved it (5397)

On 09/20/2009 at 1:04am - love - by isuckatlyfe (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I found out I have hypersomnia, which is basically being constantly tired. I've been treated with depression for years because the symptoms are similar. I've failed out of college three times because of this. Now, I think I really am depressed. FML

Today, I must find a gentle way to tell my 71-year-old mother that she's too old to be wearing shirts that expose her belly. FML

#5359755
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40490) - you deserved it (2855)

On 09/19/2009 at 9:22pm - misc - by elmalo68 (man) - United States (Virginia)



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