Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Today, I got a card from the jewelry store thanking me for purchasing an engagement ring a year ago and wishing me and my fiancée a long and everlasting marriage. Too bad my fiancée took off with the pizza delivery boy 6 months ago. FML

#6325970
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35820) - you deserved it (2265)

On 11/16/2009 at 12:42pm - misc - by figures (man) - United States (New York)

Today, after spending about 5 years to go back to school, get my life together and get a real job, I now make about $100 less a month. I used to work as a dishwasher. FML

#6325023
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30538) - you deserved it (2842)

On 11/16/2009 at 10:14am - work - by tsu3 (man) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Today, I went to pick my date up at her house. When I got to the door, her dad answered. We talked for a little bit and he told me to take his 1958 Corvette. I politely refused and he told me, "If I can trust you with my daughter, I can trust you with my car." I crashed into his mailbox. FML

#6322729
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19593) - you deserved it (38369)

On 11/16/2009 at 2:32am - love - by Manstobe92 (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I waited for 20 minutes to get a cab outside grand central station in New York (it was raining). Finally, to my relief, I found a cab but when I got in I let a little fart slip. Two minutes later the cabby kicked me out of his cab because I stunk. FML

#6318323
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10800) - you deserved it (29037)

On 11/15/2009 at 10:00pm - health - by proteinboy (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I finished installing a brand new engine in my old car. It cost just over $6000. Later, I was waiting at a red light and an uninsured drunk driver smashed into it head on. It's completely totaled. I got to drive it 5 miles. The car is worth $1000, even with a new engine. FML

#6318319
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32343) - you deserved it (4189)

On 11/15/2009 at 9:59pm - money - by stupidoldcar (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, at 2 in the morning, a noisy work crew started up in the parking lot next to my apartment. What were they doing at that ungodly hour? Installing a light that now shines right into my window. FML

#6313521
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30896) - you deserved it (1937)

On 11/15/2009 at 2:45pm - misc - by theropod (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, while my girlfriend was going down on me, she looked up at me and said, in a high-pitched voice, "Yummy yummy yummy yummy yummy!" FML

#6312781
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13585) - you deserved it (22567)

On 11/15/2009 at 1:28pm - intimacy - by loldick (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was really depressed so I talked on the phone with my best friend. She was telling me how a guy she really liked complimented her. I told her it was be nice to get at least one compliment. After a long silence she says, "You're really good with computers." FML

#6312385
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29581) - you deserved it (5600)

On 11/15/2009 at 12:55pm - misc - by Ugh (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I sent a Facebook friend request to the guy who had the party I was at last night. I immediately realized, however, that my new profile picture is of me, smiling and holding the trophy I stole from his house. FML

#6312169
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5803) - you deserved it (70259)

On 11/15/2009 at 12:34pm - misc - by Klepto (man) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I parked my convertible in the 5 minute bay at the post office. When I came back out I noticed a bum in the front seat pretending to drive it. After shouting at him and pulling him out, he stumbled off. I was then slapped with a ticket for being parked longer than 5 minutes. FML

#6309231
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28720) - you deserved it (5963)

On 11/15/2009 at 1:08am - misc - by John (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I sent a get well card to my friend. it wasn't until after I got home from posting it did I realise that the stamps I put on the envelope had the phrase "Let's Get Active" on them with drawings of people playing sports. My friend is in a wheelchair. FML

#6303407
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26191) - you deserved it (11715)

On 11/14/2009 at 5:26pm - health - by Insensitive (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I asked a girl I like out. She ended up having an asthma attack because she was laughing so hard. I guess that's a no. FML

#6300869
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40862) - you deserved it (2765)

On 11/14/2009 at 1:38pm - love - by asthma_attacker (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was at a party where I ate a bowl of disgusting snacks because I didn't want to drink on an empty stomach. I spent the next twelve hours trying to prevent the world from collapsing into millions of demonic shards, cause apparently that's what a large dose of magic mushrooms does. FML

#6298765
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20854) - you deserved it (35316)

On 11/14/2009 at 8:37am - misc - by swedishdude (man) - Sweden (Skane Lan)



Maïté Verjux's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Auntie Bernie delivers in 2016
  • Greetings my young friends! It's 2016 and I'm late. No, I'm not pregnant, I'm way too old for that sort of thing, even though I've been trying a lot recently (hey there Didier, you randy rascal…

Friday 5 February 2016

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: