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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I was fired by one of my bosses for doing something the other boss told me to do. I work for a family company. Turns out my bosses are going through a divorce and will do anything to prove the other wrong. FML

#6440227
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35704) - you deserved it (1817)

On 11/24/2009 at 8:54pm - work - by Anon (man) - New Zealand (Wellington)

Today, I met my wife's other husband. FML

#6436745
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43188) - you deserved it (3348)

On 11/24/2009 at 3:20pm - intimacy - by bmonehh (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I learned explosive diarrhea is real. I felt it coming and dashed into our supermarket. 10 feet in, liquid poo started spewing down my pants legs. 150 feet to go. I ran. It ran. They watched. After 15 minutes of cleaning, I slunk out. Now, I have to find a new market, maybe a new town. FML

#6433881
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43213) - you deserved it (3349)

On 11/24/2009 at 6:44am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I decided to surprise my wife at her softball game. I saw her distinctive motorcycle jacket through the canvas dugout wall and decided that I would feel her up from behind, to surprise her. She lent her jacket to a friend. FML

#6433707
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19452) - you deserved it (10643)

On 11/24/2009 at 5:58am - intimacy - by rider (man) - Qatar (Ad Dawhah)

Today, I had a date in my dreams. It was a pity date, with someone who is already taken. I can't even get a real date in my dreams. FML

#6433676
22 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29964) - you deserved it (3794)

On 11/24/2009 at 5:49am - love - by Lonely (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, the woman I love told me she cared about me and didn't like me hurting myself. She then posted a picture of herself making-out with her new boyfriend. FML

#6433599
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26157) - you deserved it (5451)

On 11/24/2009 at 5:04am - love - by xX-SaD-FaCe-Xx (man) - Singapore

Today, I had to break up with my girlfriend on her request because she "didn't have the heart to do it." Within twenty minutes I'd received 4 calls from mutual friends, including my best friend, telling me what a jerk I am. And one from my mom. FML

#6433183
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29645) - you deserved it (5056)

On 11/24/2009 at 3:11am - love - by Face_loser (man) - United States (California)

Today, I found a mealworm in my cornflakes. I had already finished most of the bowl. I didn't make it to the toilet to throw up. FML

#6431764
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27001) - you deserved it (2821)

On 11/24/2009 at 1:00am - health - by blowinchunks (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I agreed to buy my girlfriend a piggle for Christmas. The pig is miniature. The noise it makes is not. Oh, and I just found out it's not living with her, but with me. FML

#6427475
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9597) - you deserved it (27978)

On 11/23/2009 at 9:30pm - love - by pigglepigglepiggle (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I finally received a paycheck for the first time in six months. I celebrated by promptly falling down a flight of stairs and losing consciousness. FML

#6422914
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26823) - you deserved it (4864)

On 11/23/2009 at 5:12pm - work - by DBR (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I went over to my best friend's house only to have his little brother run up to us and confess his love to me. His little brother is twelve and I've tutored him for a year. I'm seventeen and male. Now my best friend thinks I 'taught' him something weird. He won't talk to me. FML

#6422707
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33415) - you deserved it (2469)

On 11/23/2009 at 4:14pm - misc - by Yue (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my car crashed and the only refuge was at a nearby house, the resident of which was a crazy psycho. Now replace "crazy psycho" with "crazy ex-girlfriend who won't help you unless you compose a poem about how much you love her." FML

#6420890
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32317) - you deserved it (4704)

On 11/23/2009 at 11:40am - love - by worsethanzombies (man) - Spain (Madrid)



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