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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my friend was confiding all her problems to me over Skype. I pressed the mute button so I could let out a fart, forgetting I'd already muted it earlier. I broke several minutes of my own silence with a devastating wet one. Now she won't talk to me. FML

#21364034
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (1) - you deserved it (12531)

On 02/26/2015 at 4:17pm - misc - by MuteNToot (man) -

Today, after 3 years of studying to be a veterinarian, I found out I may not be able to continue. It's not because I'm failing my classes, but because my body has developed an allergy to cats. FML

#21363251
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31972) - you deserved it (2385)

On 02/25/2015 at 10:44am - animals - by cat-astrophic (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I greeted my girlfriend with a spinning hug. She got motion sickness and threw up all over me. FML

#21362603
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27356) - you deserved it (7627)

On 02/24/2015 at 2:02pm - love - by hamboneghost (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, a woman yelled at me for holding a door open for her. FML

#21361801
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31161) - you deserved it (2816)

On 02/23/2015 at 3:18pm - misc - by Wutdafuqq (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got really anxious thinking I was going to piss off the guy behind me by not moving off at a stop light fast enough. It got so bad that I had a panic attack right there in my car. FML

#21361075
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26385) - you deserved it (6242)

On 02/22/2015 at 1:52pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Malta

Today, my mother-in-law sent me a pedometer for my birthday. I've been confined to a wheelchair for most of my life. FML

#21360985
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32016) - you deserved it (1776)

On 02/22/2015 at 11:09am - health - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I found out the hard way that blood-filled deer ticks can look a lot like black jelly beans. FML

#21360309
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30146) - you deserved it (7579)

On 02/21/2015 at 10:12am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend got her wisdom teeth removed. I really want to help her out while she recovers, but her swollen cheeks combined with her natural buck teeth keep making me crack up every time I see her. I can't help it and I'm now in the doghouse. FML

#21360286
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22027) - you deserved it (28068)

On 02/21/2015 at 9:20am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today, three days after finally having a bed to sleep on, I woke up with multiple bedbug bites. I can't use my blankets, wear any of my clothes and it's back to sleeping on the floor for me. FML

#21360063
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26766) - you deserved it (2125)

On 02/20/2015 at 9:54pm - animals - by fml (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I drove alone for the first time since I passed my test. I kept getting weird looks from other drivers and got pulled over by a cop. He said I was clearly underage and was sure my license was fake. Almost half an hour later, he finally let me go. I hate having a baby-face. FML

#21359872
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30966) - you deserved it (2283)

On 02/20/2015 at 3:00pm - misc - by all tweened out (man) - Canada

Today, my surgeon was giving me the lowdown of what was going to happen on the operating table. I was anxious enough without him saying stuff like "cut you open", "quite a bit of blood" and "it's all quite risky." That's all I remember before fainting. My wife won't stop mocking me for it. FML

#21359857
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25452) - you deserved it (2816)

On 02/20/2015 at 2:25pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I had sex with my girlfriend for the first time. Even after several hours I wasn't able to climax. My girlfriend now thinks that I don't like her body, and the reason I couldn't orgasm is because I don't like having sex with her. We spend the rest of the night in silence. FML

Today, my extremely hot coworker told me that I smelled good. At a complete loss for words, I replied, "Oh, I'm sure I don't." FML

#21359386
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27454) - you deserved it (4812)

On 02/19/2015 at 7:14pm - misc - by thisiswhyimavirgin (man) - United States (Texas)



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  • Hi there Friday, great to see you again! What are we going to talk about this week? It's the same question that most people ask themselves while strolling into their usual bar on a Friday night, on their way to…

Friday 27 March 2015

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