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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend with the cliché of the diamond ring in a champagne glass. Apparently there was an off-duty police officer across the room watching me slip the ring into the glass. He thought I was slipping in a date-rape drug and tackled me down before I could propose. FML

#5494730
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49518) - you deserved it (3854)

On 09/26/2009 at 10:18pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, was my bachelor party. The only people that showed up were my best man and my father. FML

#5485912
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40567) - you deserved it (3377)

On 09/26/2009 at 2:15pm - misc - by bachelor (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I had my first day off in weeks. I was excited about getting to sleep in, until my boss called me at 6:30 in the morning to remind me I didn't have to come into work. Thanks. FML

#5482829
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35396) - you deserved it (2809)

On 09/26/2009 at 10:30am - work - by NoSleep (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, there was a traffic accident on the highway which I normally take. I couldn't resist laughing at the driver since he was stupid enough to rear-end someone on the highway. What I didn't realize is that I forgot to pay attention to the road and rear-ended the car in front of me. FML

#5479832
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5340) - you deserved it (70716)

On 09/26/2009 at 2:32am - misc - by scarlet5000 (man) - United States

Today, I told my girlfriend of 9 months that I was ready for marriage and start having kids. She hasn't called or texted me since. FML

#5479094
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15418) - you deserved it (61075)

On 09/26/2009 at 1:34am - love - by bigdawg702 (man) - United States

Today, I went to the restroom at school and when I finished my business, I noticed there was no toilet paper. I then began to wait hoping that a janitor would come by with extra toilet paper. It wasn't until an hour later that I then realized there was 4 extra rolls hidden behind the toilet. FML

#5470398
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9044) - you deserved it (48649)

On 09/25/2009 at 6:09pm - misc - by MyLyfeSux (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was offered a position as a school crossing guard. I have a $200,000 degree in Economics from a top 20 University and was offered a position to hold a stop sign and wear a reflective vest. I was tempted to accept. FML

#5465384
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35456) - you deserved it (6295)

On 09/25/2009 at 12:11pm - work - by UnemployedGrad (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, it was my mother's birthday. My 5 year old brother and 85 year old grandma decided to decorate the house with balloons and a blow up "people" they found in my room. FML

#5464922
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12210) - you deserved it (43377)

On 09/25/2009 at 11:24am - misc - by Needasafe1234 (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, while brushing my teeth my 5 year old son walks into the bathroom. He gave me a mean look and said, "That Sammy's toothbrush, not yours." I have been brushing my teeth with the dog's toothbrush for two months now. FML

#5464721
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34869) - you deserved it (7703)

On 09/25/2009 at 11:01am - kids - by bigdaddy (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was searching for a travel bag. I looked in my parents room for one. I found one alright, with all there sex toys in it. FML

#5464453
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19366) - you deserved it (5736)

On 09/25/2009 at 10:37am - intimacy - by R-R-R-Ray (man) - Australia (Australian Capital Territory)

Today, I told my girlfriend I have only one testicle. Her reaction? "Eeew, balls are gross!" I'm glad to know I'm only half as gross as other guys. FML

#5463165
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21858) - you deserved it (2968)

On 09/25/2009 at 7:13am - intimacy - by lone_ranger (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out that being rhythmically challenged really really sucks. I was trying to dance around sexily for my girlfriend, and I was doing that one move where you thrust your pelvis forward, and swing you hand from side to side. I hit myself in the nuts. FML

#5460176
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6588) - you deserved it (22009)

On 09/25/2009 at 12:41am - intimacy - by Dumbfuck (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was going at a big concert in my university. I paid around a hundred-twenty bucks for my ticket. Outside the venue, people were handing out the tickets. For free. FML

#5457566
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29384) - you deserved it (12089)

On 09/24/2009 at 10:28pm - misc - by akosirm (man) - Philippines (Bulacan)



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