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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I found out that I had my first born child. It's a boy. I found out on facebook. FML

#5347133
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45050) - you deserved it (13948)

On 09/19/2009 at 4:47am - misc - by josh (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my boss asked me to take some of the female mannequins and change the outfits. As I was changing them, I realized that this was the most action I've gotten in almost a year. Not only am I twenty-seven, but I'm married. FML

#5346939
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23283) - you deserved it (3249)

On 09/19/2009 at 4:17am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, due to the heat, I had a deadly asthma attack. Where was my inhaler? My dad pawned it for beer money. What did my dad do about my attack? Told me to quit being a Drama Queen. I had to go across the street and beg for a ride to the ER from my neighbor. FML

#5346729
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59114) - you deserved it (3150)

On 09/19/2009 at 3:47am - misc - by asthmasucks (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went on a date with the girl I like to a skating rink. On the ride home she put her arm around me. Her armpits stank and I smelt them the whole hour and a half drive. FML

#5345954
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39855) - you deserved it (9239)

On 09/19/2009 at 2:35am - love - by sensativenose (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I'm in my fourth month of training in the US Navy. I'm 3000 miles from home. I joined to give my wife a better life. Since I've been gone, she decided that she liked being single. FML

#5345779
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43852) - you deserved it (4081)

On 09/19/2009 at 2:18am - love - by singlesailor (man) - United States (California)

Today, I got really annoyed waiting for a bus that was supposed to come every 10 minutes. After a few minutes of waiting, I realized the "bus stop" was really a no parking sign. FML

#5338009
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7089) - you deserved it (46226)

On 09/18/2009 at 7:28pm - misc - by signinept (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had a blind date with a girl someone in my office set me up with. Before the waitress returned with our drinks, this girl asked me to go to her parent's house and pretend to be the father of her yet unborn child because the real father is a drug addict and in jail for stealing her dad's car. FML

Today, I was in class, playing online poker and keeping up my winning record. I eventually got seated against a guy who beat me at every hand. I heard laughing behind me after I lost all my winnings. The guy behind me had just made an account, looked over my shoulder, and won all my money. FML

#5333449
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15861) - you deserved it (49358)

On 09/18/2009 at 3:15pm - money - by shushingmoon (man) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I was at work, finishing a presentation for my boss. Five minutes after I presented it to him, his boss walked in and asked for the same presentation I had just given. My boss presented it. His boss then turned to me and asked me "what use are you around here?" FML

#5328947
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37891) - you deserved it (2399)

On 09/18/2009 at 7:08am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Iraq (Dhi Qar)

Today, at my work at a designer clothing store, we received a list of photos from the police of known shoplifters. My coworkers were looking at the list saying "Eugh, look at that one: you'd shoplift with a face like that". I walked over and saw that they were looking at a photo of my boyfriend. FML

Today, I took my 5 year-old son to the barber shop. When the man finishes with him, I tell the guy, "while we're here, I might as well get a trim too." My son then exclaims very loudly in front of a very full barber's shop, "Dad! You don't need a haircut, you need hair!" FML

#5327120
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30541) - you deserved it (6029)

On 09/18/2009 at 2:17am - kids - by ben (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, a professor approached me in the hall to ask if, since I'm a math major, I could tutor one of her communications majors in a required Calculus course. Apparently the volunteer tutor the school provides "is a complete dumbass." I'm the school's volunteer tutor. FML

#5322964
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32654) - you deserved it (4086)

On 09/17/2009 at 10:23pm - work - by bastawhiz (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my girlfriend and I went to a bar during Irishfest. When I returned to my girlfriend she was crying and told me that this guy pushed her. I confronted the guy and poured my beer on him who just happened to be the chief of police. He was trying to make room for a guy in a wheelchair. FML

#5313316
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12397) - you deserved it (50856)

On 09/17/2009 at 2:41pm - misc - by nV1ous (man) - United States (Missouri)



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