Today, I used a public bathroom and set my motorcycle helmet on the sink while I used the urinal. The helmet rolled into the sink, under the faucet and set off the motion detector, soaking the inside. I drove 15 miles home in 30 degree weather with a wet helmet. FML

by RyanSmithN / 01/15/2010 at 12:04am / United States (Florida) / Transportation

Today, I went to my doctor to get my x-ray results. Turns out, I have a fractured spine and a chip of my spine has moved. Now I'm in a neck brace because my dad didn't think it was serious, and told me to "suck it up princess." FML

by RAHrahRAH / 01/14/2010 at 9:07pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, I thought I'd be safe by looking before crossing a one way street unlike I normally do. Too bad I looked the wrong way and didn't see the car that hit me. FML

by Lackadaisical / 01/14/2010 at 7:01pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous

Today, my teacher compared the female reproductive system to Shrek's head. Never again will I be able to watch the movies. FML

by Anonymous / 01/14/2010 at 4:56pm / United States (New York) / Health

Today, I got my cell phone bill. I pay for 700 minutes per month. I used 9 last month. FML

by light_talker / 01/14/2010 at 2:04pm / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous

Today, it was my 18th birthday. Nobody said anything. Gillette sent me a free razor though. FML

by Lost / 01/14/2010 at 10:57am / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous

Today, I snuck out of work 2 hours early. As I was speeding away so I wouldn't be seen, I rear-ended my boss as he was leaving the lower parking lot for a late lunch. FML

by Ilovelife07 / 01/14/2010 at 10:14am / United States (Massachusetts) / Transportation

Today, my girlfriend asked me "is it in yet?" FML

by anun / 01/14/2010 at 9:06am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy

Today, I received an email saying that the present I ordered for my girlfriend's birthday will be a week late, which makes it a week late for her birthday. I sat down and said we needed to talk, she burst into tears and apologised for 'sleeping with him,' I just wanted to tell her it would be late. FML

by in_side_out / 01/14/2010 at 6:26am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Today, my friends thought it would be funny to try and break a watermelon on my head while I was asleep on the couch. FML

by melonhead / 01/14/2010 at 3:46am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, while at a bar a woman of about 40 came up to me and asked me to dance, and being only 20 I thought I had met the perfect "cougar" for a one night stand. After a few up-beat dances, a slower song came on and we continued to dance. She started sobbing and claimed I was the son she never had. FML

by indiansbaseball4 / 01/14/2010 at 3:27am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I added some of my own money to the tip jar in the Subway I work at to make myself look less pathetic. FML

by OverweightTeen / 01/14/2010 at 1:59am / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Work

Today, I was on the computer in the library on campus. I was facebook stalking this really cute girl that I often see on campus. As I'm looking at her profile pictures, I turn around and the girl is standing right behind me. She gave me a disgusted look and walked off. FML

by Anonymous / 01/14/2010 at 12:10am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous