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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I was arguing with my dad. I called him a geriatric fool. He replied with, "Well at least I know who my biological father is." I have no idea if he's joking. FML

#5107055
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50160) - you deserved it (7245)

On 09/07/2009 at 3:19pm - kids - by Waheyyy (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I decided I would finally get up and weed our front yard. After a long couple of hours, I was hot and sweaty and decided to jump in the pool, with all my clothes on, just for fun. Right as I was in the air doing a cannon ball, my BlackBerry started to ring from my pocket... FML

#5105234
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14078) - you deserved it (51517)

On 09/07/2009 at 1:32pm - money - by ByeByeBlackberry (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I found out that I was denied for work study eligibility by my college. I went to my financial advisor to ask why. It wasn't my grades or attendance. Apparently my father makes too much money for me to get a job at the school. My dad was fired 3 months ago and has been out of work since. FML

#5096534
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39185) - you deserved it (2246)

On 09/07/2009 at 1:04am - work - by SapphireRaven (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I learned that you can pierce your balls. However, sitting on a thumbtack is not the best way to find this out. FML

#5096341
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48973) - you deserved it (6549)

On 09/07/2009 at 12:57am - misc - by Ballshurt (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my girlfriend's family came over and I thought it would be fun to watch old family videos of when I was a kid. A few minutes into my 5th birthday party, I excused myself and went to grab some snacks for everyone. I returned to realize I had recorded porn over my family videos. FML

#5087899
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7800) - you deserved it (61728)

On 09/06/2009 at 7:15pm - misc - by Ex-girlfried (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I went on a busy train. I packed myself in close to a very good looking woman and, too scared to say anything, looked out the window. After feeling a hand on my ass, I assumed it was her. To not ruin the moment, I didn't look back. After a few stops, I looked back. It was an old man. FML

#5085622
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34381) - you deserved it (11423)

On 09/06/2009 at 5:09pm - misc - by M.L. (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I discovered that I don't have Herpes or Genital warts. I have acne on my penis. FML

#5082348
245 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60167) - you deserved it (8892)

On 09/06/2009 at 2:19pm - health - by Curt (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I got my renewed driver's license. It clearly indicates 'Sex: F'. My beard and penis beg to differ. FML

#5081396
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45170) - you deserved it (3505)

On 09/06/2009 at 1:10pm - misc - by HeShe (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I broke up with the girl I'd been dating for two months because she started smoking. This is a deal breaker for me. I just found out from her friend that she started smoking for the sole purpose of getting me to break it off and now plans to quit. FML

#5076541
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41605) - you deserved it (7127)

On 09/06/2009 at 3:25am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Japan (Hyogo)

Today, I was cutting the grass when I saw a man staring at me from my neighbor's garage. This went on for 5 minutes until I finally yelled 'hello'. There was no response, and I was creeped out, so I called my neighbor. It was a life-sized Paul McCartney cutout. FML

#5073384
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10946) - you deserved it (32322)

On 09/06/2009 at 12:35am - misc - by cachow (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I saw a girl I haven't seen in 4 years. She used to like me back then. Since then I have lost 50 pounds, and never had the confidence to ask her out. She said I looked really sexy so I decided to ask her out on a date then and there. She said no, she only likes fat guys. FML

#5072938
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47462) - you deserved it (4295)

On 09/06/2009 at 12:19am - love - by Nofatforme (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my friend got drunk. We tried to get him into a cab, he punched me in the face, three chavs then accosted me, accusing me of trying to mug him. I was then beaten up by said chavs and then the police charged me for being drunk and disorderly. FML

#5072563
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40005) - you deserved it (3058)

On 09/06/2009 at 12:03am - health - by DrunkenValor (man) - United Kingdom (Warwickshire)

Today, I walked in on my parents doing it. Luckily they didn't see me so I slipped out. I looked outside, trying to take my mind of the horrors I had just witnessed, only to realize my dad's car wasn't in the driveway. FML

#5065139
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71751) - you deserved it (2988)

On 09/05/2009 at 6:11pm - kids - by WTF (man) - United States (Texas)



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