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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, while out jogging, I was suddenly hit with unbelievable gastric distress. I wasn't wearing brown pants when I set out on that jog, but I sure was when I made it back home. FML

#21457219
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21278) - you deserved it (1655)

On 08/17/2015 at 3:56pm - misc - by hbt51 (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my girlfriend told me she wants to have sex with my ass. I'm not sure she's taking "no" for an answer, seeing as how she's keeping a dildo on her nightstand and is clearly waiting for me to fall asleep. FML

#21456687
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25615) - you deserved it (2592)

On 08/16/2015 at 11:49am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, my mother gave me hell for my "video game addiction". The "game" in question? A professional flight simulator program that I'm using to complement my flight school lessons. FML

Today, my stepbrother's attempt at making a snack resulted in the microwave catching on fire and the everlasting smell of burnt pizza rolls. FML

#21456120
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20267) - you deserved it (1571)

On 08/14/2015 at 7:38pm - kids - by Tyrez (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, at my grandmother's funeral, my senile grandfather kept asking me "Where's granny? I've been looking for her, but I can't find her." FML

#21455960
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30862) - you deserved it (1370)

On 08/14/2015 at 11:08am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Denmark

Today, my girlfriend of 7 months broke up with me because I refused to get her name tattooed on my chest. FML

#21455219
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27070) - you deserved it (2015)

On 08/12/2015 at 1:50pm - love - by NoTattoo (man) -

Today, while having sex with my girlfriend for the first time, I pushed all the way in. She said, "Stop teasing me, put everything in." FML

#21454970
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33272) - you deserved it (3190)

On 08/11/2015 at 10:23pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Israel (Tel Aviv)

Today, my lazy bastard of a co-worker punched me straight in the jaw because he didn't get the promotion I did. Being his new manager, I fired him. A few hours later, I was fired for "abusing" my power. FML

#21454901
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28255) - you deserved it (2827)

On 08/11/2015 at 7:05pm - work - by NotJobbing (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I was involved in a debate. Things got out of control, insults were hurled, and by the end friends were lost. The subject of the debate? Whether snot has enough calories in it to be nutritional. FML

#21454286
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19680) - you deserved it (5415)

On 08/10/2015 at 1:04pm - misc - by imma ture (man) -

Today, at my job working retail, I had just finished cleaning and straightening a whole aisle. This kid watched me do the whole thing. When I was done, he stuck his arm out, and ran it down the whole shelf, knocking everything off it. His mother just grabbed his hand and walked away. FML

#21454203
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28160) - you deserved it (1556)

On 08/10/2015 at 8:23am - work - by RetailRage (man) - United States (California)

Today, to settle a bet with a friend, I took an online IQ test twice. The first time, I chose answers at random without reading the questions. The second time, I took it for real. I got a higher score from the random selections than from my serious attempt. FML

#21453729
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22649) - you deserved it (5545)

On 08/09/2015 at 1:46am - misc - by shuahwan (man) - New Zealand

Today, I realised that my closeted gay friend has dated more women this year than I have in my 28 years of life. FML

#21453604
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23460) - you deserved it (2451)

On 08/08/2015 at 8:03pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (North Somerset)

Today, my psycho ex crashed a date with my girlfriend. She acted like we were still together and made a big show of dumping me for cheating on her. My actual girlfriend bought it hook line and sinker. Now I'm single again. FML

#21453385
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25629) - you deserved it (1677)

On 08/08/2015 at 2:23am - love - by single (man) - United States (Texas)



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