Today, I shaved my beard that I wanted to grow for winter, into a goatee for a Skype interview. On the day, the interviewer only used audio. FML

by Beard / 11/08/2016 at 6:14am / Work

Today, I hit the gym. With my car. FML

by SnapeIsGood / 11/08/2016 at 4:44am / Germany (Baden-Wurttemberg) / Health

Today, while reading the newspaper, I noticed that an ad had been placed for my job. I asked my boss for a week off so that I could fly home for my father's funeral. No wonder she was so cool with it. FML

by Mitch / 11/07/2016 at 11:50pm / Work

Today, a customer complained that one of our cashiers smiles too much. FML

by Anonymous / 11/07/2016 at 10:48am / Work

Today, my step-mom tried to ground me. I met her just yesterday, when she moved in. FML

by invasive species / 11/07/2016 at 10:08am / Miscellaneous

Today, I helped my hoarder grandfather clean out his garage. Not only did I step on a nail, I also slipped in a puddle of used oil that's been sitting out for two years, and broke my nose. He didn't pay me since I wasn't able to finish the job. FML

by megamonster99 / 11/07/2016 at 10:06am / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went hiking in China. I knew I was unfit, I didn't know I was "being overtaken by an old lady leading a donkey" unfit. FML

by Earl_KarmasBitch / 11/05/2016 at 9:02am / China (Yunnan) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, after weeks of being addicted to Bejeweled Blitz, I couldn't stop thinking about it while having sex with my girlfriend. FML

by BejeweledJizz / 11/05/2016 at 8:29am / Intimacy

Today, the girl I've had a crush on for months invited me on a group hiking trip this weekend so that she won't be the most out of shape person on the trail. FML

by Crushed / 11/04/2016 at 10:23am / Love

Today, thanks to downsizing and corporate restructuring, I was "promoted" to the entry level position I had 10 years ago. FML

by RePete / 11/03/2016 at 9:44pm / Work

Today, my girlfriend and I had sex. Later, she said the highlight of her day was getting a cupcake from the grocery store. FML

by Wheresthecreamfilling / 11/03/2016 at 2:03am / Intimacy

Today, I rode my newly-purchased bicycle to Lowe's to look at flooring and back splashes for our upcoming remodel. Upon leaving the store, I found out that my bicycle had been stolen by someone who had bought a hacksaw from that store while I was shopping. They left the receipt to mock me. FML

by HomeImprover / 11/02/2016 at 1:34pm / Transportation

Today, daylight savings is on the way. Two years ago, I planned to propose right before the time change, all to have an extra hour of "the best day of my life". Now I have an extra hour to remember how distinctly single I still am and how awful she was. FML