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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I told my mom I've been having sleep issues and asked if she could take me to the doctor. She decided I just need to read the Bible more. Needless to say, I still can't sleep. FML

#21377689
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27119) - you deserved it (2155)

On 03/19/2015 at 10:24am - health - by david99021 (man) - Turkey (Ankara)

Today, it was my first day working as a pharmacist. I quickly discovered that customers not only think that it makes me qualified to offer free medical advice, but they also have no qualms about showing me their various lumps, bumps, and vaginal leakages. FML

#21377662
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (95) - you deserved it (3100)

On 03/19/2015 at 9:19am - work - by MyPoorEyes (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I found out how much those tiny dogs cost when my German Shepherd ate one. FML

#21377263
248 comments

I agree, your life sucks (141) - you deserved it (9717)

On 03/18/2015 at 6:23pm - animals - by brokeforever (man) - Latvia (Riga)

Today, I went to the store to buy some condoms. I couldn't find them anywhere, so I nervously asked a staff member for help. She scowled, pointed at the shelf directly behind me, and told me to "Get a life. Or better pickup lines." I'll never live down the snickers from the other customers. FML

#21377103
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28989) - you deserved it (3516)

On 03/18/2015 at 1:40pm - misc - by fuck (man) - Netherlands

Today, during a date with my girlfriend, I found out you can hiccup hard enough to convince someone that you're having a seizure. FML

#21375726
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28474) - you deserved it (2272)

On 03/16/2015 at 3:15pm - misc - by redneckpunk (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my ex called me up to suggest that we become friends, only so that she could introduce me to her new boyfriend. FML

#21375599
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39) - you deserved it (3143)

On 03/16/2015 at 10:36am - love - by xswitch74 (man) - United Kingdom

Today, a guy beat the crap out of me for supposedly sleeping with his girlfriend. I didn't get a chance to tell him my brother lives with me and that he had the wrong guy. When my brother got home, he didn't ask if I was okay, but rather if the guy was coming back for him. FML

#21375070
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35125) - you deserved it (2371)

On 03/15/2015 at 2:40pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, at Walmart, I overheard a lady telling a teenage girl that the secret to keeping a guy for life is giving him anal, but that it's important to clean your "shitter" beforehand. I can't believe these kinds of sick freaks actually exist. FML

#21375051
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28433) - you deserved it (7724)

On 03/15/2015 at 1:54pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I took my son to the playground and watched him have fun. Minutes later, I was being shoved around and called a pedophile because I was there alone with no wife. By the time I convinced them I was innocent, my son was bawling. FML

#21374998
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37617) - you deserved it (1810)

On 03/15/2015 at 12:11pm - kids - by pledonasm (man) - India (Maharashtra)

Today, my instructor turned up late to get me for my driving test. I soon realized something was seriously wrong. Turned out his wife left him last night, and he'd been drinking the pain away all morning. He ended up rear-ending another car, and now I have to reschedule my test. FML

#21374413
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29952) - you deserved it (2211)

On 03/14/2015 at 12:11pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I worked up the courage to tell my girlfriend that I love her. She made a face like she'd just sucked on a lemon and said "Um... yay, I guess...?" and awkwardly left the room. FML

#21374314
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30276) - you deserved it (2512)

On 03/14/2015 at 7:04am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Netherlands (Flevoland)

Today, I decided to have cereal for breakfast. I poured the cereal in the bowl, added the milk and had a spoonful. Then I realized that my cereal was moving in the back of my mouth. FML

#21374137
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30886) - you deserved it (3268)

On 03/13/2015 at 11:27pm - misc - by Eddy (man) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I tried to boycott an 80's theme party by wearing my regular clothes. Everyone said they loved my costume. FML

#21373989
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24417) - you deserved it (17421)

On 03/13/2015 at 6:39pm - misc - by jking2z (man) - United States



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