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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I realized just how lonely I am when I tried to time my ejaculation to happen right as the new year started. FML

#21012409
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42770) - you deserved it (9468)

On 01/01/2014 at 1:41am - intimacy - by Lonesome (man) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, my wife got so drunk she kissed another guy when the ball dropped. FML

#21012251
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42237) - you deserved it (4394)

On 01/01/2014 at 12:04am - love - by dantko (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I met my girlfriend's father for the first time. The first thing he did was show me a bullet, then he basically said that if I don't submit to his daughter's every whim, that bullet will end my life. FML

#21011731
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38684) - you deserved it (4341)

On 12/31/2013 at 3:57pm - love - by thisisavirus.exe (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I tried waxing for the first time. At first it felt like I'd dipped my balls in a furnace. Now I can't even feel them. FML

#21011655
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31408) - you deserved it (17822)

On 12/31/2013 at 2:36pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire)

Today, I got an e-mail regarding an IT support job I applied to. The e-mail had numerous formatting errors due to bad code, and typos all over the place. It said I wasn't qualified for the job. FML

#21011264
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35261) - you deserved it (2479)

On 12/31/2013 at 3:08am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, while sitting in a handicapped seat on the bus, an old man angrily approached me and chewed me out in front of everyone for not leaving the seat empty for "those who actually need it." Then he stormed off the bus, stepping heavily on my broken foot. FML

#21010039
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41905) - you deserved it (3563)

On 12/30/2013 at 12:57am - health - by candidcripple (man) - United States

Today, I have to take time off from work to take part in an intervention because my sister's obsession with the guy from Harry Potter has crossed over into illegality. FML

#21009908
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37510) - you deserved it (2968)

On 12/29/2013 at 11:23pm - misc - by LeaveHimAlone (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I ran for the first time in ages when I saw my bus coming. My loose shoe went flying into a shop doorway, and I tripped into the gutter. FML

#21009861
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30951) - you deserved it (5379)

On 12/29/2013 at 10:52pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, me and some friends had home-made burgers for lunch. The guy who did the cooking later insisted that spitting in a frying pan is a perfectly acceptable way of guessing the right time to add the oil. FML

#21009569
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35024) - you deserved it (3031)

On 12/29/2013 at 6:28pm - health - by HungerStrike (man) - Czech Republic (Stredocesky kraj)

Today, I was verbally abused by a tourist because neither I nor anyone else in my country can speak "proper English". We're in England - clue's in the name, dipshit. FML

#21009563
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37370) - you deserved it (3443)

On 12/29/2013 at 6:23pm - misc - by Kayak (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I took my girlfriend to see "Frozen," which she had been talking about for weeks. After I bought the snacks, she told me that she couldn't believe I was going to watch a princess movie and walked out on me for not being "manly." She took the popcorn with her. FML

#21009271
209 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46482) - you deserved it (3621)

On 12/29/2013 at 12:00pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my strict Christian mother walked into my room just after I'd finished masturbating. Although dressed, I was still holding the used tissue, which she noticed. Having to think fast to disguise my deed and avoid an entire sermon, I had no option but to blow my nose with the spunky tissue. FML

#21009159
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43840) - you deserved it (22110)

On 12/29/2013 at 7:36am - intimacy - by Jizzyface (man) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, my girlfriend informed me that our relationship is an open one. This was only after I was told that when she was "stuck in traffic" two days ago, she was actually playing the triple-X version of Twister in my "best friend's" bed. FML

#21008373
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37448) - you deserved it (2390)

On 12/28/2013 at 3:07pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - France (Rhone-Alpes)



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Thursday 10 April 2014

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