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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I found out the "sex noises" I heard from next door last night, which I'd angrily yelled at my neighbor for, were actually from him having an uncontrollable seizure. FML

#21405133
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30741) - you deserved it (13297)

On 05/05/2015 at 2:20pm - intimacy - by 420curse (man) - United States (California)

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She said, "Sure, but not yet." As we've been together for five years, I was a bit confused, but she cleared that up with, "Not until your dad has died, I don't want him to ruin my wedding with a bad toast." FML

#21405053
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35592) - you deserved it (3146)

On 05/05/2015 at 10:44am - love - by inheritance (man) - Denmark (Hovedstaden)

Today, our new boss banned coffee from the workplace, comparing caffeine to hard drugs. His comparison may not be wrong; after two hours, I couldn't take it any more, and in between fantasising about his cold-blooded murder, I begged to be allowed just one last cup. FML

#21403720
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29461) - you deserved it (4569)

On 05/03/2015 at 1:58am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Finland

Today, after resigning from my current job, I was let go from the new job I hadn't even started yet. FML

#21403566
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31002) - you deserved it (2927)

On 05/02/2015 at 8:08pm - work - by Jbheller (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. My mom's reaction was, I shit you not, to tell me to "walk it off". FML

#21403286
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29511) - you deserved it (2456)

On 05/02/2015 at 5:59am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I lost my virginity to the girl of my dreams. I could tell she really enjoyed it, because she muttered "Well, that was disappointing." afterwards, then got dressed, said she'd made a huge mistake, and asked me not to call her again. Yep, total stud. FML

#21403147
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34310) - you deserved it (3808)

On 05/01/2015 at 10:22pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I desperately needed to let off some steam at work, so I went outside and screamed obscenities at the top of my lungs, before heading back inside. The police then showed up to investigate complaints of a "raving lunatic" in the area. FML

#21403035
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19896) - you deserved it (22817)

On 05/01/2015 at 6:17pm - work - by RavingLunatic (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, in the middle of the supermarket, my 7 year old son asked me what a cocksucker is and why his mum always calls me that. FML

#21402984
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28982) - you deserved it (3405)

On 05/01/2015 at 4:41pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Northamptonshire)

Today, after a 2 month relationship, I realized two things: A) Dating a known psycho because "crazy chicks are great in bed" is a dumb idea, and B) What crazy chicks are actually great at is beating the crap out of you and driving you to alcoholism. FML

#21402940
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14896) - you deserved it (30162)

On 05/01/2015 at 3:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, I kept hearing a child creepily giggling in my living room. I couldn't sleep and got so scared that I started considering hiring an exorcist. Long story short: be careful if you have Bluetooth speakers, because your dickhead neighbor might hack them and start fucking with you. FML

#21401745
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33900) - you deserved it (4529)

On 04/29/2015 at 1:42pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my mom told me that if I wanted to commit suicide, I should make it seem like a car accident, and not do it in the house, because she would be too embarrassed if people thought she was a bad parent. FML

#21401085
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37187) - you deserved it (2805)

On 04/28/2015 at 9:26am - misc - by WasNotAdopted (man) - United States (California)

Today, I asked my class to name some West African countries. Several of them thought Ebola was a country. I teach an AP history class. FML

#21400396
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33953) - you deserved it (3651)

On 04/27/2015 at 12:58am - work - by advanced history teacher (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I snuck downstairs to watch a midnight movie. One moment I'm trying to plug my headphones in, in the dark, and the next my dad's beating the shit out of me with a baseball bat. Turns out he snuck down after me for a midnight snack and thought I was a burglar disconnecting the TV. FML

#21399867
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33173) - you deserved it (4931)

On 04/26/2015 at 6:05am - health - by Anonymous (man) - South Africa (Gauteng)



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