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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, the girl I've been seeing for just over a week casually let me know that she'll slash her wrists if I ever leave her. FML

#21365201
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35205) - you deserved it (3122)

On 02/28/2015 at 11:23am - love - by great (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend said she was going to start appreciating the little things in life. She's starting with my penis. FML

#21364983
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34459) - you deserved it (4992)

On 02/28/2015 at 12:03am - intimacy - by FreshDonuts (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I saw my grandma had registered on Facebook, so I wrote a welcome post on her wall. She replied "Delete." several times, then called me, accusing me of "hacking" her and demanding that I remove my name from her page at once. FML

#21364671
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29770) - you deserved it (2669)

On 02/27/2015 at 3:20pm - misc - by Y_Y (man) - United States

Today, I was feeling terrible so I called in sick to work. My boss refused to believe me and told me he'd fire me if I didn't come in. I dragged myself to work, only to spend most of the day glued to the toilet. Now he says I won't be paid for the day because I barely did any work. FML

#21364599
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33909) - you deserved it (2487)

On 02/27/2015 at 1:24pm - health - by Mark (man) - Malta

Today, I met my biological parents for the first time, 29 years into my life. They turned out to be two of the most pathetic people I have ever met, and the meeting ended after they asked me to lend them money because I "literally owe them my life." FML

#21364287
160 comments

Today, my friend was confiding all her problems to me over Skype. I pressed the mute button so I could let out a fart, forgetting I'd already muted it earlier. I broke several minutes of my own silence with a devastating wet one. Now she won't talk to me. FML

#21364034
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27612) - you deserved it (13051)

On 02/26/2015 at 4:17pm - misc - by MuteNToot (man) -

Today, after 3 years of studying to be a veterinarian, I found out I may not be able to continue. It's not because I'm failing my classes, but because my body has developed an allergy to cats. FML

#21363251
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33194) - you deserved it (2593)

On 02/25/2015 at 10:44am - animals - by cat-astrophic (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I greeted my girlfriend with a spinning hug. She got motion sickness and threw up all over me. FML

#21362603
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28689) - you deserved it (8239)

On 02/24/2015 at 2:02pm - love - by hamboneghost (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, a woman yelled at me for holding a door open for her. FML

#21361801
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32081) - you deserved it (3041)

On 02/23/2015 at 3:18pm - misc - by Wutdafuqq (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got really anxious thinking I was going to piss off the guy behind me by not moving off at a stop light fast enough. It got so bad that I had a panic attack right there in my car. FML

#21361075
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26458) - you deserved it (6252)

On 02/22/2015 at 1:52pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Malta

Today, my mother-in-law sent me a pedometer for my birthday. I've been confined to a wheelchair for most of my life. FML

#21360985
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32604) - you deserved it (1914)

On 02/22/2015 at 11:09am - health - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I found out the hard way that blood-filled deer ticks can look a lot like black jelly beans. FML

#21360309
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30221) - you deserved it (7591)

On 02/21/2015 at 10:12am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend got her wisdom teeth removed. I really want to help her out while she recovers, but her swollen cheeks combined with her natural buck teeth keep making me crack up every time I see her. I can't help it and I'm now in the doghouse. FML

#21360286
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22915) - you deserved it (29082)

On 02/21/2015 at 9:20am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)



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