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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I finally heard a woman tell me "I've never seen one so big before!" Too bad it was my dentist talking about one of my cavities. FML

#21392914
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27419) - you deserved it (5065)

On 04/13/2015 at 11:40am - health - by gottaflossmoreoften (man) - Romania (Bucuresti)

Today, my son invited me to his first standup comedy gig. I accepted, only to later suffer through an hour of the worst jokes I've heard in my entire life. It was so bad, he made Dane Cook look like a comic genius, and I had to resist heckling him. Hours later, I still feel vaguely suicidal. FML

#21392908
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26453) - you deserved it (5145)

On 04/13/2015 at 11:23am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, I heard my 2-year-old sister crying, so I left my room to comfort her. She looked at me, held my hand, escorted me back to my room and closed the door. FML

#21392817
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30918) - you deserved it (2850)

On 04/13/2015 at 6:46am - kids - by transcendingnerd (man) - Philippines (Manila)

Today, I found out that turkeys can fly. I also found out how much a new windshield costs. FML

#21392388
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29569) - you deserved it (2480)

On 04/12/2015 at 2:29pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Vermont)

Today, I went on a blind date at a restaurant. While looking at the menu, my date said "Who even likes kweetch? Gross." When I realized she was trying to say "quiche", I corrected her. That pissed her off. Now I'm at home, alone, trying to decide which hand is going to keep me company tonight. FML

#21392355
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29743) - you deserved it (6286)

On 04/12/2015 at 1:00pm - intimacy - by left, I guess (man) - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, what started with me forcing a shit a little too hard ended up with me being rushed to the hospital with appendicitis. FML

#21392323
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28403) - you deserved it (2465)

On 04/12/2015 at 11:42am - health - by Anonymous (man) - Belgium

Today, for the first time in my life, a girl showed interest in me. She sent me a text message saying she wanted to come over and fuck my brains out. This would've made me the happiest guy alive, if only she weren't my extremely drunk sister. FML

#21391907
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33643) - you deserved it (2627)

On 04/11/2015 at 4:55pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I got grounded because my mom found a condom in the bathroom trashcan and assumed it was mine. I took the blame because I was too embarrassed to admit that it must have belonged to my 13-year-old brother, since I'm still a virgin at 19. FML

#21391452
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30384) - you deserved it (4666)

On 04/10/2015 at 7:16pm - misc - by uglybrother (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, a guy tried to carjack me. Good news: I drive a stick shift, and the idiot apparently couldn't, so I still have my car. Bad news: he was so angry, he beat the shit out of me. I had to get stitches, and now I look like I went on a date with Chris Brown. FML

#21391293
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32739) - you deserved it (2402)

On 04/10/2015 at 2:04pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was driving and someone was following me across the city and wouldn't let up, so I drove past my house, thinking it was a stalker. Eventually I lost them on the highway. It wasn't until I'd gotten back home that I remembered that my 'stalker' was a coworker I'd invited over for lunch. FML

#21390746
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14750) - you deserved it (37588)

On 04/09/2015 at 4:11pm - work - by Distracted (man) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, after locking myself out of my house, I let myself into my car to wait on someone with a spare key. It took me 15 minutes to realise the house and car key share the same ring. FML

#21390076
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19107) - you deserved it (15460)

On 04/08/2015 at 3:36pm - misc - by losing the plot (man) - United Kingdom (Bristol, City of)

Today, at a mind-numbingly boring support session, everyone was talking about their hardships. One guy was talking about losing his leg in a car accident. I was half-asleep and asked without thinking, "Did you ever find it?" I almost shat my pants at the roomful of death glares that followed. FML

#21389976
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17331) - you deserved it (32380)

On 04/08/2015 at 12:08pm - misc - by S to the HIT (man) - United States (California)

Today, after pulling an all-nighter studying for an exam, I caught the bus to college. On the way there, the bus decided to make sweet love to a taxi, creating a pile-up and a traffic jam. I didn't make it to the exam in time. FML

#21389932
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28635) - you deserved it (1924)

On 04/08/2015 at 10:43am - misc - by rUs7up1d (man) - Guatemala (Guatemala)



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