Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, our band had a road trip. Two people chose to stack themselves on top of each other to share a seat rather than sit in the last seat next to me. FML

#21326846
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27382) - you deserved it (2754)

On 12/29/2014 at 11:17pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my wife started a 24 hour urine collection as directed by the doctor for her pregnancy. She has to collect the urine in a gallon jug, and refrigerate it. At lunch time, I went to go get the rest of my sandwich but was unable to find it, until she suggested I "look under the piss jug." FML

Today, I slept on the plane ride home and had a scary nightmare. I started screaming in my dream, so loud that it shocked the old lady sitting next to me into screaming as well. The whole plane began laughing as we were both screaming. FML

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. Things got heated and I yelled, "Who's your daddy?" With a blank expression she replied, "I don't know." FML

#21326143
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30524) - you deserved it (15293)

On 12/28/2014 at 9:49pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Delaware)

Today, I got a gift-wrapped package in the mail from my racist mother-in-law. She's always hated me, so I thought it was a bit strange. Inside was a squirt gun and a note telling me to take my "black ass" for a walk around a police station with it, followed with a smiley face. FML

#21325871
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40310) - you deserved it (2986)

On 12/28/2014 at 1:41pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boss sent me a Word document that he wanted me to make into a PowerPoint presentation for him. It was a set of proposals for the board of directors about cost-saving options. The third option was to eliminate my position in the company. FML

#21325772
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29459) - you deserved it (1787)

On 12/28/2014 at 8:56am - work - by HALIFAAA (man) - Germany (Niedersachsen)

Today, I didn't feel like going to work, so I called in sick. Five hours later while out shopping, I got hit by a car at a crosswalk. Now I'm laid-up in the local hospital, really wishing I was with the guys at work. FML

#21325487
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17208) - you deserved it (36250)

On 12/27/2014 at 7:52pm - health - by julichlove (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I was waiting in line while a lady paid for her shopping, when her credit card got declined. She started ranting and insulting everyone and kept insisting: "I'm not poor!" By the time the lady had finally stormed off, I had spittle on my face, and the cashier was almost in tears. FML

#21325473
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29498) - you deserved it (2153)

On 12/27/2014 at 7:22pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I was chatting with the girl of my dreams, a real heart-to-heart. Everything was going great, and I asked her if she'd like to get coffee together sometime. She immediately backed away and excused herself, mumbling something about not dating left-handed people. Huh? FML

#21325382
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30924) - you deserved it (2311)

On 12/27/2014 at 4:15pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I texted my girlfriend, saying "Hey there." She quickly replied, assuring me that she's not cheating on me. Uh, okay. FML

#21325320
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32615) - you deserved it (2621)

On 12/27/2014 at 2:14pm - love - by is_that_right (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my obsessive stalker of an ex found my girlfriend on Facebook and sent her a message saying just ":)". For some reason I'll never understand, she took this as a sign that I'd just slept with my ex. Now I'm single, and my ex is probably planning her next move. FML

#21324775
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31509) - you deserved it (2285)

On 12/26/2014 at 4:03pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I went to break up with my psychotic bitch of a girlfriend after months of abuse. When she opened the door, her 5-year-old son ran up to me, smiling and calling me "DADDY!" for the first time. Now I don't have the heart to dump the psycho and devastate her son. FML

#21324667
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32899) - you deserved it (5115)

On 12/26/2014 at 12:36pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I went paintballing with my girlfriend and her family. Her dad ended up shooting me, and I doubled over in pain. I thought that was it, until he stepped back and shot me several more times in the stomach. "Just double-tapping," he smirked. More like quadruple-tapping. FML

#21324616
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26616) - you deserved it (3297)

On 12/26/2014 at 9:58am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)



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