Today, there's a new freshman at my school that looks exactly like me. Whenever we see her, my friends shout "Twinzies!" I don't have anything against her, but I'm bummed because I'm a male senior. FML

by twinzies / 02/19/2016 at 9:46pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, I woke up at 3:45 AM to fly to Pittsburgh to sample classes at a university there. After all that flying and sitting in traffic for 2 hours, I finally got to attend to my first class. I fell asleep during it. FML

by elow72 / 02/19/2016 at 4:47pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Transportation

Today, I got a new skin cream for my acne. I tested it on a small patch of skin just to make sure I wasn't allergic. I was, and the reaction didn't stay on that small patch of skin. My left arm is now almost entirely covered in a horrible rash. FML

by Anonymous / 02/19/2016 at 3:36pm / United States (Colorado) / Health

Today, my boss told me to resign within the month, or he'll fire me and give me a bad reference. I talked to him about it again later on, this time with my phone recording everything, so I could take the proof to HR. I guess he knew, because he acted like he had no idea what I was talking about. FML

by fucked5waystofriday / 02/19/2016 at 2:51pm / United States (Indiana) / Work

Today, I was let go from my dream job. My manager said he couldn't keep me busy all day, and so he didn't need me. He still has a "Help Wanted" sign up. FML

by MorlockWarlock / 02/19/2016 at 12:16pm / United States (Indiana) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was talking to a customer and I actually fell asleep for a couple of seconds. I can honestly say she wouldn't stop talking and didn't even notice me snoring. FML

by OPforonepiece / 02/19/2016 at 9:38am / Netherlands (Zuid-Holland) / Work

Today, several Ukrainians didn't believe me when I said I was American. Apparently I'm not fat enough. FML

by StudentAbroad / 02/18/2016 at 8:27am / Ukraine (Kyyiv) / Miscellaneous

Today, during class, a girl had suggested how I, a 16 year-old guy, would be a high maintenance girlfriend. We sat and debated this, allowing for other people to listen in and agree with her, and eventually the entire class agreed with her. Even the teacher. FML

by ThatSped / 02/17/2016 at 10:22pm / Canada (New Brunswick) / Miscellaneous

Today, I lost control of my car on a patch of ice and slid off the road, messing up my car. I was working on a news story about bad road conditions. FML

by UnluckyReporter / 02/17/2016 at 1:35am / United States (Kentucky) / Transportation

Today, two aggressive police officers appeared at my door informing me that a complaint was filed about my 18 year-old son having "inappropriate relations" with a 16 year-old. We live in England. I had to Google the law to prove to them this was legal. FML

by Confuseddad / 02/16/2016 at 5:17pm / United Kingdom / Kids

Today, my dad got angry with me for not watching "Better Call Saul" with him, because he thinks it will help me with law school. He did this while I was actually reading for a class taught by the top health law professor in the country. FML

by randommanwill / 02/16/2016 at 3:22pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work

Today, after a week of waiting to hear something about my stolen car, I got a letter in the mail saying it had been impounded the same day I reported it stolen, but they don't share a database with the police so they never called. Now the impound wants $900 plus $120 for the tow to release it. FML

by Jeezus / 02/15/2016 at 10:00pm / Canada (Alberta) / Money

Today, my boss gave me some mentorship. She told me, "You need to learn to let people do things for you. Until then, I'm going to micromanage your project because I want it done my way." FML

by BlueSuit / 02/14/2016 at 2:20pm / United States (New York) / Work