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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I bought lunch for my grandparents, aunts, and uncles. My uncle apparently felt uncomfortable at the restaurant, because he got up and flipped the table over before leaving. The bill tripled because of the broken glass, and my uncle called me up later for a ride. FML

#21498342
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21833) - you deserved it (1336)

On 11/29/2015 at 9:47pm - misc - by AsshatUncle (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, at my Grandfather's funeral, my Grandmother decided it would be a good time to tell the story of the time she went to a strip club. FML

Today, I realized that the "toothpaste" that I'm always cleaning out with my hands from the sink drain is actually my little brother's semen. FML

#21498195
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28378) - you deserved it (2733)

On 11/29/2015 at 1:43pm - intimacy - by cole66 (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, after 3 months of successful business at my restaurant, sales are down the shitter. Why? Because some no-life troll started posting loads of bad reviews online. He uses different names, but nothing in the reviews has ever happened. We can't get the reviews taken down. FML

#21498071
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25867) - you deserved it (1527)

On 11/29/2015 at 2:05am - work - by jacobianscum (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, my girlfriend and I got caught doing it in her parent's bed by her mom. Instead of making me leave, they forced me to stay for dinner. FML

#21497961
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20107) - you deserved it (26738)

On 11/28/2015 at 8:20pm - intimacy - by aj513 (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, a girl I'd been talking to all night actually wanted to come home with me. Stopped to buy condoms. Got home, clothes came off, took out a condom. "Sorry, I'm allergic to latex". She left in a cab. I'm a 27-year old virgin for another night and now have a box of condoms to remind me. FML

#21497787
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26209) - you deserved it (2857)

On 11/28/2015 at 9:32am - intimacy - by ohgodwhyfml (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I learned not to take sex tips from virgins seriously. "Have sex in the shower", they said. "It'll be fun", they said. Well they didn't take slippage into account. One busted nose and concussion later, I'm not seeing the "fun" part at all. FML

#21497666
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19708) - you deserved it (6844)

On 11/27/2015 at 11:21pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my mom tried to burn my arm with a hot spatula, all because I got a tattoo against her wishes. FML

#21497634
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21858) - you deserved it (5228)

On 11/27/2015 at 9:38pm - misc - by Wtfbruhimmovingout (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while shopping for Black Friday, I got in line, hoping to get an Xbox One. I spent so long mistakenly standing in line for the bathroom that the store had sold out by the time I realized my mistake. FML

#21497594
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21257) - you deserved it (13498)

On 11/27/2015 at 7:18pm - money - by nitemastr15 (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was in a play and had a battle scene. I got a little too into it and wound up twisting my ankle. The audience was treated to me screaming like a little girl before face-planting the stage a moment later. FML

#21497434
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19007) - you deserved it (3276)

On 11/27/2015 at 10:28am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my boss confirmed he is a micro-managing asshole. We walked into the office together and I turned on the lights. He switched them off and switched them on again, just to make sure that I did it right. FML

#21497410
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23513) - you deserved it (1514)

On 11/27/2015 at 7:39am - work - by fabz (man) - South Africa (Western Cape)

Today, I had to carry a 25kg bag of cement to an elderly customer's car because she refused to use a cart. "You're paid to work, so I'm gonna make you work." FML

#21497242
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23840) - you deserved it (3050)

On 11/26/2015 at 9:26pm - work - by I hate retail (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my housemate walked out of the bathroom with my toothbrush in his mouth and asked, "You're not one of those people who cares if someone uses their toothbrush, are you?" FML

#21497006
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23035) - you deserved it (1483)

On 11/26/2015 at 10:20am - misc - by WellGroomed (man) - Ireland (Dublin)



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