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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, while sick with the flu, I had the police called on me by my older neighbors downstairs. They thought I was hosting a party at 3 in the morning. I was really just throwing up constantly. FML

#21415404
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26894) - you deserved it (1570)

On 05/25/2015 at 7:39am - health - by Hooperist (man) - United States (California)

Today, during a driving lesson, I stopped behind a taxi, and got more and more annoyed when the traffic wouldn't move. A few minutes later, my instructor couldn't hold his laughter any more and pointed out I'd somehow zoned out and entered a taxi rank. FML

#21414941
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24073) - you deserved it (6247)

On 05/24/2015 at 12:56pm - misc - by kalvin (man) - United Kingdom (Leeds)

Today, my new doctor asked if I'm sexually active. I said no. He nodded and murmured "No surprise there." Thanks, mate. FML

#21414914
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27300) - you deserved it (2264)

On 05/24/2015 at 11:56am - misc - by Mona Lisa was a skank-ass ho (man) - United Kingdom (Stockport)

Today, I sleep during the day because I work nights. My neighbors have a very loud wedding and reception in their backyard including a live mariachi band. FML

#21414664
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26084) - you deserved it (2991)

On 05/23/2015 at 10:38pm - misc - by Vlen (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my mom told me I'm the reason she's going to kill herself one day. FML

#21414323
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27655) - you deserved it (2656)

On 05/23/2015 at 3:51am - kids - by DaoOfPow (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my dad came to my 8-year-old daughter's birthday party wearing a shirt that said "Small penis, huge dick." FML

#21414312
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27908) - you deserved it (2116)

On 05/23/2015 at 3:03am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She said she wanted to accept, but that she'd basically have to get her mom's permission first. Apparently the answer was no. The worst thing is that she really is this unhealthily dependent on her mom, and probably wasn't lying about needing her permission. FML

#21414249
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27394) - you deserved it (2854)

On 05/22/2015 at 11:44pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I checked my son's browser history, as he's been acting strangely around his computer recently. I found several bizarre Google searches, including but not limited to: "unicorn dick-farts", "sharting kittens", and "can you get AIDS from Asians?" What the fuck is wrong with him? FML

#21414033
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28139) - you deserved it (4628)

On 05/22/2015 at 2:17pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Havering)

Today, we were discussing evolution at the super-religious school I'm forced to attend. I mentioned homo sapiens, and my teacher mockingly replied, "You actually believe in homo sapiens? Hahahah!" The whole class started laughing. No, not at the teacher; at me. FML

#21414003
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30353) - you deserved it (2104)

On 05/22/2015 at 1:10pm - misc - by homo fuckofftus (man) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend of a week showed me her talent: shooting milk out of her vagina across the room. Goodbye dairy products. FML

#21413854
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28612) - you deserved it (3226)

On 05/22/2015 at 2:55am - intimacy - by zzarzzur (man) - United States (California)

Today, I missed my bus. But it didn't miss me. I've been in the hospital for 8 hours with a broken leg. FML

#21413750
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28311) - you deserved it (1830)

On 05/21/2015 at 9:55pm - money - by FrickingBusDrivers (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my brother babysat for me. He invited his girlfriend around without me knowing, and they were all playing hide and seek together. While he and his girl were hiding, they decided to have a quickie. My three year old found them and saw everything. She won't stop copying their sex noises. FML

#21412889
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35221) - you deserved it (2640)

On 05/20/2015 at 4:45am - intimacy - by wtf bro (man) - Australia (Australian Capital Territory)

Today, after taking my crush to the train station late at night, I sat in a local park alone with my thoughts for a while. Two cops appeared out of nowhere and started searching me for drugs and weapons, asking me questions for a good 30 minutes. Not the kind of action I expected tonight. FML

#21412638
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25889) - you deserved it (2153)

On 05/19/2015 at 4:49pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Germany (Baden-Wurttemberg)



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