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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I have spent so much time watching Scooby Doo with my son that I actually used the word "zoinks". FML

#21352876
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25738) - you deserved it (4872)

On 02/09/2015 at 6:07pm - kids - by brazo667 (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I won a game of Monopoly against my girlfriend. She reacted by sweeping the board off the table, storming out the front door, and mowing down my mailbox driving away. FML

#21352803
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31289) - you deserved it (3748)

On 02/09/2015 at 3:42pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my boss was telling everyone his mother recently passed away and he'll be off work for a while. I'd been holding in painful gas for a while, so I tried to ease it out. It turned into a long, squeaky fart in front of everyone. Everyone glared at me as if I was trying to be funny. FML

#21351411
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27320) - you deserved it (5941)

On 02/07/2015 at 9:33am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend tried to justify having a one night stand with some other guy, with the words, "I'm on my period, okay?!" She acted like I was crazy when I asked how the fuck that made any sense. FML

#21350975
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32453) - you deserved it (2078)

On 02/06/2015 at 3:10pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I woke up with my penis taped inside a milk bottle. Yes, I'm as baffled as you are. FML

#21350665
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28564) - you deserved it (4815)

On 02/05/2015 at 11:14pm - misc - by Milked Richard (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, after a heavy make-out session, my boyfriend and I discovered his lips bruise really easily. This wouldn't be a problem except he's been telling people I hit him. He thinks it's hilarious. FML

#21349595
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35291) - you deserved it (3625)

On 02/04/2015 at 10:16am - intimacy - by Grrrreat (man) - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, I discovered my elderly neighbour likes to roam around his yard naked and wash his balls with the sprinkler. I'm never going to grab a snack in my kitchen again. FML

#21349488
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28948) - you deserved it (2205)

On 02/04/2015 at 2:44am - misc - by Sprinkles (man) - Australia

Today, I was in charge of taking a delivery of new office chairs for the meeting room at work. The delivery men took the old chairs, but left without delivering the new ones. I can't get in contact with them, and we have a big meeting first thing tomorrow. FML

Today, my wife's boyfriend learned that you can't flush condoms. FML

#21348539
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43827) - you deserved it (2541)

On 02/02/2015 at 6:59pm - intimacy - by StantheMan93 (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I started getting calls from gay men looking for anonymous kinky sex. It turns out that my coworker has been posting my personal information in Craigslist Personals section as a prank. My wife doesn't believe that my coworker is such an asshole. FML

#21348144
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31356) - you deserved it (2014)

On 02/02/2015 at 1:41am - work - by CalledOut (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I came back from vacation to find a packet on the company's stress management programs on my desk. I was sent the same packet over my vacation. I got the same packet from my boss as I left. All because I snapped at a co-worker who was throwing a tantrum over the Star Wars trailer. FML

#21347776
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25433) - you deserved it (3229)

On 02/01/2015 at 1:48pm - work - by Darth Binks (man) - Canada

Today, the girl I like finally replied to a text I sent a week ago. Her reply was: "Don't ever text me again, fuckface." FML

#21347694
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31118) - you deserved it (3660)

On 02/01/2015 at 9:59am - love - by FuckfaceSteve (man) - United Kingdom (Durham)

Today, my boss let me sit in on a board meeting. It was awesome until the guy next to me let out a vile fart, then looked at me in disgust, causing the others to look at me in disgust too. When I told my boss what really happened, he told me to grow up and stop blaming the other guy. FML

#21347235
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29306) - you deserved it (2396)

On 01/31/2015 at 10:08am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)



Caroline Maerten's illustrated FML

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FML's blog

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Friday 13 February 2015

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