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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I put aside my weekend plans to help my aunt with the extermination guy spraying her new house down to prevent cockroaches. After he left, my aunt asked me to go in and turn off the lights because the fumes were very deadly. If I chose not to, she would tell my mom I did nothing all day. FML

#21462982
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10703) - you deserved it (783)

On 08/31/2015 at 1:17pm - health - by Rakib (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I thought the girl I was seeing was going to tell me that she loved me. Instead, she told me how she sucked some other guy's dick. FML

#21462923
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14735) - you deserved it (1034)

On 08/31/2015 at 9:16am - intimacy - by FuckThis (man) - United Kingdom (Cardiff)

Today, I was talking to my mom about my issues with my girlfriend. While she was sympathizing, she slowly picked up my wallet, took $100 and left. FML

#21462595
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15244) - you deserved it (1291)

On 08/30/2015 at 2:29pm - money - by FranchezDeVista (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while I was pulling weeds, my dad thought it would be absolutely hilarious to yell "Hey, son!" then unload his gun at me when I turned around. After I'd screamed like a bitch and pissed myself, he broke down into hysterical laughter and said he'd loaded the gun with blanks. Fuck you, dad. FML

#21462545
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22866) - you deserved it (1723)

On 08/30/2015 at 11:44am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my mum took away my laptop and my phone and won't let me call, text, or go out with friends for one month. Why? I left the toilet seat up. I'm writing this from a public library. FML

#21462073
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21203) - you deserved it (2941)

On 08/29/2015 at 10:06am - misc - by Lord Buttfuck IV (man) - France

Today, I caught my girlfriend cheating on me. Now she's threatening to kill herself if I don't forgive her. FML

#21462044
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22493) - you deserved it (1517)

On 08/29/2015 at 7:28am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that I won't be able to attend my own wedding, because I'll be in a mandatory training class that doesn't allow people to take vacation for any reason. So now we've wasted $10,000, and I can't even fly home for one day. All because I got promoted unexpectedly. FML

#21461761
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22540) - you deserved it (1760)

On 08/28/2015 at 4:05pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Italy (Friuli-Venezia Giulia)

Today, I had to call the doctor regarding my penis. Not because of erectile dysfunction or an erection lasting more than four hours, but because of the multiple fire ant bites I woke up to after falling asleep in my backyard. FML

#21461585
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19890) - you deserved it (3425)

On 08/28/2015 at 2:13am - health - by unsuckable (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I washed all the dishes and cups from the family dinner last night and put them away. When my wife saw, she had a mini OCD breakdown and yelled at me because the cups weren't lined up with each other with the handles aligned and the flower pictures facing out left. FML

#21461576
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19734) - you deserved it (2567)

On 08/28/2015 at 1:41am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was telling my coworker that I was considering quitting the shady, 50-shades-of-scum business we work at. He snitched to our boss, who quickly fired me on bullshit charges of incompetence, theft, and workplace bullying. I guess I'm not getting a good reference from him. FML

#21461238
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18946) - you deserved it (5125)

On 08/27/2015 at 4:37am - work - by Anon (man) - United States

Today, I helped an old man who fell over. Turns out he was drunk and had pissed himself. He decided to thank me with a hug. FML

#21461220
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19466) - you deserved it (1536)

On 08/27/2015 at 2:46am - misc - by philip708 (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I planned on telling the girl I like that I have feelings for her. What I didn't plan on was having a panic attack and whispering "I really like you!" super creepily and immediately saying "bye" and running away in shame. FML

Today, a fifth grader gave me a note from his "father" excusing him from PE. It was riddled with spelling errors and shockingly poor grammar, so I rejected it as a blatant fake. Several hours later, I was informed by his very angry father that it wasn't actually fake. FML

#21460557
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24576) - you deserved it (3296)

On 08/25/2015 at 3:22pm - kids - by shit.jpg (man) - United States (Massachusetts)



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