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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, while walking out of a store eating a candy bar, a homeless man tried to run up and steal my candy. I stuck a leg out and tripped him. The only thing I could think of to yell at him was, "Swiper no Swiping". My kids have ruined my coolness. FML

#21366982
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (3407) - you deserved it (589)

On 03/02/2015 at 11:57pm - misc - by Dad (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, it's been almost 2 months since I moved into my new place, and it's the first time a girl has slept in my bed. I also slept on my new couch for the first time. FML

#21367098
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5663) - you deserved it (760) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 03/02/2015 at 9:03pm - love - by Marc (man) - Hong Kong

Today, I was turned down from the dream job that I was promised two years ago, once my chemo and radiation therapy was finished. His excuse? He never actually expected me to survive. FML

#21366066
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31938) - you deserved it (1452)

On 03/01/2015 at 6:36pm - work - by kysier (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, after a 7 year dry spell, I finally got laid. The downside? It was in my dreams and involved a character from My Little Pony forcing itself on me. Now I hate that fucking stupid show more than ever. FML

#21365913
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24401) - you deserved it (5114)

On 03/01/2015 at 2:24pm - intimacy - by love and tolerape, apparently (man) - India (Jharkhand)

Today, while on the train heading to my new job, my coat caught between two seats. I didn't notice until my stop. I whacked myself in the face in front of everyone trying to get it free, and ended up missing my stop. When I finally got to work, I was told not to bother coming in again. FML

#21365771
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25799) - you deserved it (2044)

On 03/01/2015 at 8:31am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, the girl I've been seeing for just over a week casually let me know that she'll slash her wrists if I ever leave her. FML

#21365201
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29018) - you deserved it (2479)

On 02/28/2015 at 11:23am - love - by great (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend said she was going to start appreciating the little things in life. She's starting with my penis. FML

#21364983
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29207) - you deserved it (4386)

On 02/28/2015 at 12:03am - intimacy - by FreshDonuts (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I saw my grandma had registered on Facebook, so I wrote a welcome post on her wall. She replied "Delete." several times, then called me, accusing me of "hacking" her and demanding that I remove my name from her page at once. FML

#21364671
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26369) - you deserved it (2360)

On 02/27/2015 at 3:20pm - misc - by Y_Y (man) - United States

Today, I was feeling terrible so I called in sick to work. My boss refused to believe me and told me he'd fire me if I didn't come in. I dragged myself to work, only to spend most of the day glued to the toilet. Now he says I won't be paid for the day because I barely did any work. FML

#21364599
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30473) - you deserved it (2163)

On 02/27/2015 at 1:24pm - health - by Mark (man) - Malta

Today, I met my biological parents for the first time, 29 years into my life. They turned out to be two of the most pathetic people I have ever met, and the meeting ended after they asked me to lend them money because I "literally owe them my life." FML

#21364287
157 comments

Today, my friend was confiding all her problems to me over Skype. I pressed the mute button so I could let out a fart, forgetting I'd already muted it earlier. I broke several minutes of my own silence with a devastating wet one. Now she won't talk to me. FML

#21364034
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25414) - you deserved it (11833)

On 02/26/2015 at 4:17pm - misc - by MuteNToot (man) -

Today, after 3 years of studying to be a veterinarian, I found out I may not be able to continue. It's not because I'm failing my classes, but because my body has developed an allergy to cats. FML

#21363251
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30467) - you deserved it (2366)

On 02/25/2015 at 10:44am - animals - by cat-astrophic (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I greeted my girlfriend with a spinning hug. She got motion sickness and threw up all over me. FML

#21362603
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26333) - you deserved it (7418)

On 02/24/2015 at 2:02pm - love - by hamboneghost (man) - Canada (British Columbia)



Mathilde Morieux's illustrated FML

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Friday 27 February 2015

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