Kids: Today, my psychopathic ex-girlfriend spray-painted "Free Candy"...

By cjw - 06/03/2013 00:07 - United States

Today, my psychopathic ex-girlfriend spray-painted "Free Candy" on the side of my van, knowing damn well I have to park it in front of an elementary school on a daily basis to pick up my daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 604

You deserved it 4 325

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 28/07/2013 04:59 - United States

Today, because I refused to shave off what my wife calls my "pedo 'stache", she painted "Free Candy" on the side of my van. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 998

You deserved it 30 015

By Baegel - 02/03/2016 01:52 - United States - Havertown

Today, my psycho ex defaced my car. She didn't key it or slash my tires. She posted "TRUMP 2016" bumper stickers all over it. I don't know what glue they use, but it's been 2 hours and I haven't gotten any of them off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 926

You deserved it 2 379

Call the cops

By sammatthews2007 - 25/02/2009 03:21 - United States

Today, I woke up to find that my dog was missing. I spent about an hour searching for him when my psycho ex-girlfriend texted me his photo. She'd kidnapped him. After driving over there, she shot paintballs at my car. Now I have no dog and a colorful car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 105 515

You deserved it 7 502

How dare you?

By Anonymous - 09/11/2009 20:25 - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up to find my garage broken into and my car covered in paint and the words "Fuck you." Why? I broke up with my ex because she cheated on me and stole money off me and my mom. Apparently this wasn't a good enough excuse to break her up with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 415

You deserved it 2 600

By Anonymous - 22/09/2010 07:47 - Venezuela

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me by spray-painting it on my locker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 026

You deserved it 3 717

Sounds like a catch

By Anonymous - 10/08/2020 08:06

Today, my psycho ex tried to call the cops on me for "poisoning her food." I live two hours away from her, and have no money or gas to go anywhere near her. Turns out, she poisoned herself for eating raw chicken and pizza dough. I have a child with this idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 759

You deserved it 363

Oh, hi Sharon!

By graveyard-sh*t - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, my psycho ex-girlfriend showed up at my new job to, "Keep an eye on me." The same ex-girlfriend who has been stalking me since we broke up. Two years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 372

You deserved it 265

By starfishedasshole - 30/03/2014 16:50 - United States

Today, I broke up with my psycho girlfriend of one month. She actually expected me to let her keep the vintage car that I've been rebuilding for the past two years, and when I refused, she threatened to burn my garage down with us still in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 096

You deserved it 4 352

By bit - 30/07/2009 10:01 - United States

Today, me and my girls went to get revenge on a girl who slept with my boyfriend by egging her house. Her house was too far away so we decided to get her truck. We wasted a carton of eggs on her driveway because we all have terrible aim and look incredibly stupid for missing so bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 487

You deserved it 64 474

Break ups are tough

By ... - 10/02/2010 09:08 - United States

Today, my pissed off girlfriend used window marker to write racist comments on my car window. This included Nazi symbols, "white power", and a few others I won't mention. I live in a predominantly black neighborhood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 195

You deserved it 4 381

SApprentice 34

Wednesday 6 March 2013 9:08

Buy a can of spray paint and spray over it. It'll look like hell, but you're going to have to get it fixed anyway, and I doubt you'll be able to make it very far with it the way it is. Oh, and go to the cops if you can. Paint jobs are expensive, and you don't need to deal with that kind of crap.