FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my boyfriend and I are looking at places to stay to meet for the first time. I figured renting a small vacation apartment would be ideal because he's not able to help pay because he isn't working and I'm not rich. He's telling me he can only be comfortable in 4 star hotels. FML

by Broke / 07/27/2016 at 12:38pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, my mom grabbed my phone, said she was taking it because I'd been disrespectful, and hung up my call. I'd been speaking with a work client. This is the gratitude I get for paying all her bills for the past 2 years, all because she's too lazy to get a job. FML

by Anonymous / 07/27/2016 at 11:24am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I sent a love message to my wife asking if she was horny. Minutes later, I realized that I sent it to my mother in law. FML

by for my brother in law / 07/27/2016 at 3:10am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my husband told me he's just "not interested" in having sex anymore. FML

Today, I found out why my husband doesn't want me to go to the doc. It's not because of the reasonable copay. It's because he has let 3 other women use my insurance to give birth, in the last 4 years. They are all his. FML

by NoDocVisit / 07/26/2016 at 10:27pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, my friend got her first car. I bought mine 3 weeks ago and haven't started making payments. She came straight from the dealer ship to pick me up. She backed in to my car. FML

by Anyom / 07/26/2016 at 8:46pm / United States (Michigan) / Transportation

Today, my girlfriend accused me of cheating because I've been buying generic groceries instead of name brand to save money. Apparently, I must be using the extra money on another woman. FML

by Jaraxxus / 07/26/2016 at 5:45am / United States (North Carolina) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, while in the car with my mom, we accidentally ran over a dog that had sprinted into the road. Instead of stopping, my mom continued to drive as if nothing happened. Every time I tried to bring it up, she merely talked loudly over me. FML

by notapetkiller / 07/26/2016 at 2:12am / United States (New York) / Animals

Today, I sent a Snapchat the girl I've been flirting with all week. Her response was the back of her Coke Zero, which had the quote "You've Got a Friend in Me." I got rejected by a soda can. FML

by Anonymous / 07/25/2016 at 5:28pm / United States (Washington) / Geek

Today, I got fired from my first job because of the herpes on my lip. It was actually a 2nd degree burn from soup that splashed on to my lips when I was serving it but my manager doesn't believe me. FML

by mog907 / 07/25/2016 at 2:31pm / United States (Alaska) / Work

Today, at church, I sneezed suddenly and messily into my hand just as the priest asked us to stand and greet our neighbors with a handshake. FML

by BlueMacaw / 07/25/2016 at 10:38am / United States (Oklahoma) / Health

Today, I found my dad on a dating website looking for younger girls. My mother and father are "happily" married, well according to her Facebook profile. FML

by carl_carl_ / 07/25/2016 at 12:17am / United States (Michigan) / Love

Today, I was accepted to the college of my dreams. Then I checked the address. Turns out, the letter was meant for my neighbor. I was actually denied. FML

by RektForLyfe / 07/24/2016 at 11:32pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous