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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I found out that the creepy weirdo who's been sending me messages for a while is just my dad. His excuse was, "I wanted you to feel like someone would actually like you." FML

#21383075
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27014) - you deserved it (1958)

On 03/28/2015 at 4:42pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, my boyfriend thought it'd be romantic to take me to a strip club for our 1-year anniversary. FML

#21382971
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28121) - you deserved it (3464)

On 03/28/2015 at 1:10pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my pyromaniac sister somehow got her hands on my dad's lighter and set my bed sheets on fire. My dad said I must have provoked her, and that she can't be blamed for her mental condition. So now I'm grounded, and she has a new doll house to calm her down. FML

#21382751
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31043) - you deserved it (1962)

On 03/28/2015 at 12:39am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, while at work, a customer refused to speak louder, despite me asking her to do it several times. As a result, I took her order incorrectly. The customer then finally decided to raise her voice, but only to yell at me about my poor listening skills. FML

#21382737
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28974) - you deserved it (2121)

On 03/28/2015 at 12:16am - work - by people suck - United States (California)

Today, I was uninvited from my own birthday party. FML

#21382721
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29371) - you deserved it (2677)

On 03/27/2015 at 11:42pm - misc - by BirthdayBoy - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. Within minutes, they said I needed to leave. Their reason? Apparently, I was mocking her dad's speech impediment. I also have one but they wouldn't believe me. FML

#21382684
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31855) - you deserved it (1926)

On 03/27/2015 at 10:12pm - love - by biblepain - United States (Arizona)

Today, I discovered that when my mom can't sleep, she comes into my room and reads my text messages. FML

Today, I was trying out for a position as pitcher for my college baseball team. I threw the ball as hard as I could, and then collapsed to the ground in agony from a dislocated shoulder. FML

#21382575
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27153) - you deserved it (4602)

On 03/27/2015 at 6:50pm - health - by Bonecrusher (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was at a big meeting at work. The CEO was reaming the hell out of us for our recent poor profits, when I accidentally let rip a vile fart. I was then subjected to a 10 minute tirade of abuse for "trying to be a funny man", and told that whatever small chance I had for a promotion is now gone. FML

#21382528
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24252) - you deserved it (5313)

On 03/27/2015 at 5:19pm - work - by screwedupfuck (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, while getting ready for a job interview, I sneezed while brushing my teeth, splattering toothpaste everywhere and ruining my brand new dress. FML

#21382482
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26793) - you deserved it (4091)

On 03/27/2015 at 4:09pm - misc - by anon - United States (California)

Today, I fell asleep in class... And woke up hour later. My teacher let me sit there till I woke up to see what my face would be like waking up to a new class. FML

#21382364
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25305) - you deserved it (15793)

On 03/27/2015 at 11:27am - misc - by BERNDTOAST - United States (Michigan)

Today, my stomach started to hurt. When I got home, my parents had company over, which I had to rush past to use the bathroom. After being in the bathroom for about 3 minutes, my mother yells to me from the other room, in front of the guests, "Are you OK in there?" I'm 27. FML

#21382322
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26273) - you deserved it (3522)

On 03/27/2015 at 9:12am - misc - by struckbystarzz (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I had an interview for an office job. As a requirement, I had to show up dressed for the job. My friend has worked there for years and told me it was casual dress. I wore jeans and a blouse. Everyone else had on business suits. Obviously my friend doesn't know what casual means. FML



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