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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I haven't shaved for so long the hair on my legs has split ends. FML

#21458206
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18598) - you deserved it (9751)

On 08/19/2015 at 9:00pm - misc - by ToddesPizza - United States (Oregon)

Today, I learned that it's possible to get hit by a bird while bungee jumping. FML

#21458053
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20590) - you deserved it (1785)

On 08/19/2015 at 1:44pm - misc - by SebastianCT - United States (Florida)

Today, my sister recorded the sound of me having intense diarrhea, retching at the stench, and eventually breaking down in tears. I only found out when I saw she'd posted it online, with the caption "lol #gaytard #sorrynotsorry". I've never been called a pussy by so many people before. FML

#21457966
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20989) - you deserved it (3565)

On 08/19/2015 at 8:14am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I decided to sunbathe in my backyard in an attempt to be healthy. The result? Insect bites over my body. Somehow, despite being fully clothed the entire time, my scrotum also received several bites. FML

#21457959
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17043) - you deserved it (9823)

On 08/19/2015 at 7:34am - health - by julian1 (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my husband decided he'd rather jerk off to the Wii Fit trainer than have sex with me. FML

#21457897
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24371) - you deserved it (2899)

On 08/19/2015 at 1:54am - intimacy - by lonelygal69 (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my mom kissed me goodbye before I went to a big job interview. I got weird looks on the way there, but I figured it was just because I look like a massive douche in formal wear. Turns out my mom had smeared lipstick all over my chin. The person who finally let me know was my interviewer. FML

#21457895
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22611) - you deserved it (2447)

On 08/19/2015 at 1:49am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend is so ashamed of me that when someone asked how far along my pregnancy is, he quickly replied "5 months now!" instead of telling them I'm not actually pregnant. FML

#21457890
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18504) - you deserved it (10493)

On 08/19/2015 at 1:15am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I am two months pregnant. Being super hormonal, I was crying about how much I was crying. My husband put his arms around me to comfort me, and I sobbed so hard that I threw up all over him. FML

#21457721
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24074) - you deserved it (2691)

On 08/18/2015 at 6:55pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Utah)

Today, a woman at the retirement home I work at told me she was new and asked me a few questions. I asked her when she moved in. She was a new coworker, not a new resident. FML

#21457683
23 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13199) - you deserved it (11890)

On 08/18/2015 at 5:08pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me through charades. FML

#21457655
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19262) - you deserved it (4795)

On 08/18/2015 at 4:17pm - love - by I hate games - United States (Missouri)

Today, my dad called to wish me a happy birthday. I said thank you but informed him that my birthday is tomorrow. He told me that I was wrong and screamed at me for 20 minutes. When I still wouldn't agree with him, he hung up and turned my phone service off. FML

Today, I woke up from the most sensual dream I've had in months. Unfortunately, despite it being better than any action I've had in a long time, the dream was about me fucking a donut. FML

#21457543
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21600) - you deserved it (3272)

On 08/18/2015 at 9:26am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I was telling my dad how my boyfriend dumped me yesterday. He responded by blowing his nose into his hand, wiping it in my hair, then saying "There, a REAL problem to whine about." FML

#21457532
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23044) - you deserved it (2513)

On 08/18/2015 at 8:34am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)



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