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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my boyfriend told me I looked nice in my profile picture. I began to reply "Aww, thank you!" until he sent another message saying "Mostly because your face isn't in it." FML

#21442569
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22498) - you deserved it (2458)

On 07/16/2015 at 1:03pm - love - by hayleediaz - United States (California)

Today, I agreed to help out with my boyfriend's sister's baby shower. They forgot to inform me that "helping" meant splitting the cost of everything. I now owe his family $275. I don't know how to back out without looking cheap. FML

#21442412
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25161) - you deserved it (2185)

On 07/16/2015 at 2:56am - money - by JustOutofCollegeAndBroke - United States (California)

Today, my grandpa still receives more mail than me. He's been dead for three years. FML

#21442079
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24256) - you deserved it (2280)

On 07/15/2015 at 2:06pm - misc - by lesousterre - United States (Missouri)

Today, I went downstairs early in the morning to watch a movie. As I walked into the living room and reached for the light switch, I heard my dad say "Knew you'd change your mind. Get them panties off." followed by the sound of a zipper being undone. I've never been so mortified in my life. FML

#21442030
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33045) - you deserved it (2320)

On 07/15/2015 at 12:29pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, whilst still trying to potty train my puppy and keep her from both peeing and pooping in the house, my lactose intolerance kicked in full fledge. Every time I pass gas, she smells poop and believes it's okay to immediately drop a deuce on the carpet. FML

#21441958
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25195) - you deserved it (3440)

On 07/15/2015 at 7:15am - animals - by gassy - United States (Florida)

Today, after working a double shift, I got home to total pandemonium. My dogs had crapped all over the house, my kitchen was soaking wet, etc. My mother, who just moved in with me, was sitting on the couch, saying she had no idea what happened. FML

Today, an old friend and I reconnected. Everything was going fine until he threatened to visit me at work. I didn't know he knew my place of employment, so I replied, "Do you know where I live too?" He answered, "Would you hate me if I did?" FML

Today, I heard my ten-year-old brother say, "Are hamburgers a reptile?" FML

#21441553
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21700) - you deserved it (2264)

On 07/14/2015 at 1:59pm - kids - by Andrew - United States (New Jersey)

Today, a woman left our first date just because I didn't like the same character as her on a TV show. FML

#21441535
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22152) - you deserved it (2193)

On 07/14/2015 at 1:28pm - love - by anonymous - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I had to listen to Lou Bega's 'Mambo Number 5' on constant replay for 3 hours, because my little sister was trying to learn a dance for a recital. It would have been even longer than 3 hours, but she then realized that she was dancing to the wrong song. FML

#21441519
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21973) - you deserved it (1448)

On 07/14/2015 at 1:00pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, the guy I've been dating for 3 weeks showed up at my house at 7 AM. I was about to give him a kiss when he said, "Good morning, is Sarah here?" I was confused until I realized he didn't recognize me because I had no make up on. FML

Today, I had decided that I was ready to have sex with my boyfriend. So, I called him and told him how naughty I felt, only to realize that I had called my dad. FML

#21441357
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23676) - you deserved it (19492)

On 07/14/2015 at 1:03am - intimacy - by EternalBlossom (woman) - United States

Today, my co-worker handed me the phone and said it was my boyfriend calling, so I answered "Hello, Love!" It was my boss. FML

#21441236
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23728) - you deserved it (2966)

On 07/13/2015 at 9:07pm - work - by Lukey1028 (woman) - United States (California)



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