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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, the CEO of my company leaned over and said, "Hey, I've been meaning to thank you…" I thought he was going to thank me for all of my hard work, but he continued, "…for wearing that shirt today. I can totally see your boobs." FML

#21354210
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32918) - you deserved it (6066)

On 02/11/2015 at 4:51pm - work - by titsmcgee (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my teacher announced that he'd be out for a week because he was going to Vegas. I happily said, "Woo hoo!" Then he finished his sentence by telling me it was because his dad had died. FML

#21354181
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28400) - you deserved it (8639)

On 02/11/2015 at 4:07pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I asked my dad to please shave his awful beard, because I'm a laughing-stock at school for being picked up each day by a guy whose face looks like Bigfoot's ass. He agreed, and 10 minutes later was sporting a pedo-stache. It's going to be a long year. FML

#21354177
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28761) - you deserved it (9375)

On 02/11/2015 at 4:00pm - misc - by assholedad (man) - United States

Today, someone walking my way started waving. I waved back until I realized he wasn't looking at me. To make things worse, while walking past he said, "Get a fucking friend." FML

#21353961
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34507) - you deserved it (3107)

On 02/11/2015 at 8:39am - misc - by TJFuentes (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my new boyfriend with whom I'm completely smitten called me and told me he had an early Valentine's Day gift for me. Gonorrhea. FML

#21353835
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33636) - you deserved it (4007)

On 02/11/2015 at 1:25am - intimacy - by Yupppp. (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my caring way too much about proper grammar got out of hand when I corrected my girlfriend during a talk about her dying grandmother. FML

#21353788
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15732) - you deserved it (33777)

On 02/10/2015 at 11:58pm - misc - by randomdude3890 - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I found out the only reason my parents want me to live with them is because of the tax refund. FML

#21353677
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28845) - you deserved it (2474)

On 02/10/2015 at 9:26pm - money - by Firewielder (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my husband recited to me the name and model number of every single weapon in the game Doom, along with what they did and roughly where to find them. Last month, he forgot my birthday. We've been married for 6 years; he hasn't played Doom in at least 10. FML

#21353586
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31635) - you deserved it (3248)

On 02/10/2015 at 7:00pm - love - by doomed (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I got a letter in the mail telling me to report for jury duty. The day that I have to show up is the day of my wedding. FML

#21353566
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36996) - you deserved it (2325)

On 02/10/2015 at 6:32pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, my roommates told me they want me to move out of our apartment. We would have never gotten the apartment without my credit score, and most of the furniture is mine. FML

#21353380
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33191) - you deserved it (2328)

On 02/10/2015 at 1:05pm - misc - by ididn'tevendoanythingwrong - United States (Florida)

Today, my manager accused me of stealing $20. I didn't do it, but since she said she was going to call the cops, I gave her some of my own money. She still called the cops. FML

Today, my girlfriend was feeling a little down, so I tried to console her. She said she just needed space and I respected that. Then an hour later she was fine, so I asked how she did it. She replied that she talked to her ex for a whole hour. This is a common procedure. FML

#21353256
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35783) - you deserved it (4345)

On 02/10/2015 at 7:59am - love - by krh14 - United States (Maryland)

Today, in an attempt to potty train my 2-year-old, I sat her on the toilet and waited for several minutes. I finally gave up and lifted her off the toilet just in time for her to pee on my new shoes. FML

#21353086
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27978) - you deserved it (4982)

On 02/09/2015 at 11:12pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States



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