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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my parents walked in on me, having sex. No, I wasn't having sex. They were. FML

#21384025
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35888) - you deserved it (2914)

On 03/30/2015 at 6:30am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, a teenage girl with a selfie stick came into my workplace. She knocked down multiple displays while trying to take pictures, before leaving without making a purchase. I had to clean it all up. FML

#21383983
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30546) - you deserved it (2121)

On 03/30/2015 at 1:56am - work - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, after recently quitting a terrible job which made me miserable, I went to my first work meeting at my new job. I was excited to start fresh and meet my new coworkers. Instead, I met my boyfriend's extremely jealous ex-girlfriend. She didn't look excited to see me. FML

#21383954
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27650) - you deserved it (1835)

On 03/30/2015 at 1:06am - work - by kitkat3308 - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was about to lose my virginity to my girlfriend, with whom I am genuinely in love. Right after I'd got the condom on, she said, "You do know this is break-up sex, right?" FML

#21383831
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34530) - you deserved it (2275)

On 03/29/2015 at 10:13pm - intimacy - by sexisntfun (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I lost hundreds of dollars in gift cards. Robbed? No. Mugged? Don't think so. My roommate threw them away after he got water on them, thinking that it rendered them unusable. FML

#21383795
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28254) - you deserved it (2112)

On 03/29/2015 at 9:09pm - money - by BrokeAndSad - United States (Ohio)

Today, I found out my girlfriend keeps my toenails in her deceased grandmother's prized music box. She says it's to, "Keep the box natural." I don't understand why she does this, or what she means by "natural." FML

#21383678
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24161) - you deserved it (2052)

On 03/29/2015 at 5:18pm - misc - by coldasfire - United States

Today, my girlfriend hasn't spoken to me in a week, so I gave her a call. No reply. I texted her, and got a text back saying: "Sorry, dude. Better luck next time!" FML

#21383638
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25880) - you deserved it (2029)

On 03/29/2015 at 3:54pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had to teach my grandma how to burn files to CDs. I jokingly said that it doesn't involve literally burning the disks in fire, to which she responded by slapping me and calling me a patronizing brat. FML

#21383501
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22949) - you deserved it (12437)

On 03/29/2015 at 10:03am - misc - by shamwazzlefarznarfnarfwoofbaaa (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was sitting in my bedroom relaxing when I heard my little sister and my brother. Thinking it was cute they were talking again, I was listening. They were not just "talking", they were making plans on how to kill me. FML

#21383476
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30907) - you deserved it (2699)

On 03/29/2015 at 8:54am - kids - by M.SHUKRI - United States (Illinois)

Today, a calf kicked a needle straight into my arm hard enough to make me stab myself. The good news is I'm now fully vaccinated for cow diseases. FML

Today, with the experience of sitting behind someone on a roller coaster, I found out pee is affected by gravity. FML

#21383398
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25821) - you deserved it (2168)

On 03/29/2015 at 2:38am - misc - by Kryometric - United States (Washington)

Today, my older brother puked in the sound hole of my sister's guitar. He blamed it on me, and in revenge my sister beat me with the guitar. FML

#21383103
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27098) - you deserved it (1821)

On 03/28/2015 at 5:30pm - misc - by Pukey - United States

Today, I found out that the creepy weirdo who's been sending me messages for a while is just my dad. His excuse was, "I wanted you to feel like someone would actually like you." FML

#21383075
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27010) - you deserved it (1957)

On 03/28/2015 at 4:42pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)



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