FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I was kicking my soccer ball with my father. My mom pulled out in the car without checking and ran into to me. FML

by mild banana / 06/16/2016 at 12:55pm / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend. She was so angry, she stabbed me in the hand with a plastic fork. FML

by ouch / 06/16/2016 at 6:14am / United States (Michigan) / Love

Today, my best friend was walking next to her crush, so I pushed her into him gently as a joke. She ended up stepping on his foot, which caused him to fall and crack his head against the floor. FML

by wtf / 06/16/2016 at 2:02am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house with his family. A kitten walks over to me with an engagement ring tied to its collar and a note that says "Marry Me?" I got super excited, only to find out that it was for his brother's girlfriend of 10 months, not me. We've been together 4 years. FML

by Still No Ring / 06/15/2016 at 5:49pm / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, I put in my two-week notice. My boss responded by saying, "Okie dokie" and hanging up. Guess they were glad to be rid of me. FML

by BoldMoveCotton / 06/15/2016 at 5:30pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, we ran out of our disposal gloves at work. After saying how grossed out I was about having to touch raw chicken with my bare hands, my female boss goes, "Just imagine you're touching yourself. That's what I do." Even more grossed out now. FML

by RayniDae / 06/15/2016 at 4:08pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

Today, a strong storm knocked the power out at our office. I was dismissed five hours early, had my desk locked up and was walking toward the doors to leave when the power came back on. FML

by AstonBrown / 06/15/2016 at 1:53pm / United States (Ohio) / Work

Today, my bratty sister shoved me overboard during a boat ride. Not ten seconds after being pulled back on board, I got an earful of abuse from my parents. My sister is the family favorite and they refuse to believe that I didn't "provoke" her. FML

by Anonymous / 06/15/2016 at 11:07am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, while working the drive-thru at work, an older woman asked for my phone number to give to her single son. After I politely declined, she called me a slut and threw her food at me through the window before promptly speeding off. FML

by anonymous / 06/15/2016 at 2:18am / United States (Tennessee) / Work

Today, I decided to act on my therapist's advice and ask my crush out. She turned me down because I'm apparently too much of a downer. The reason I have a therapist is because I'm depressed. FML

by Bleiz / 06/14/2016 at 3:41pm / United States (Washington) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, as I was building furniture at work, I managed to get my fingernails ripped off and the tips mauled while cutting the wood for a nightstand. As my I was getting bandaged, one of my bosses looked at me and simply asked, "Why'd you stop working?" FML

by acf1233 / 06/14/2016 at 3:28pm / United States (Texas) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, after months of helping my mother with bills because she claimed she had no money, I found out she makes way more than what I do. She just wanted my money for alcohol and drugs. FML

by anonymous / 06/14/2016 at 12:47pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom took away my car, phone, dog, laptop and college fund because I told her she lets me down sometimes. I'm moving to Arizona for college in two weeks. FML

by sounds good mom / 06/14/2016 at 11:23am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous