FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I found a thong at my boyfriend's house. When I confronted him about it, he panicked and claimed it was his mom's. Right. FML

by I'm out / 09/06/2016 at 1:02pm / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend's obsession with card tricks reached a new low. He barged into the bathroom while I was taking a crap and asked me to pick a card. FML

by limegreenpoopie / 09/06/2016 at 9:38am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend of over a year said that being in a relationship is pointless. When I responded that I couldn't picture my life without him, he said he couldn't picture his life without our cat. FML

by Rosie / 09/06/2016 at 8:13am / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, at my new job, I realized I have been spending too much time with just my cat. As I passed some coworkers in the hall, I nodded and gave them the "slow blink of trust" that is used with cats. FML

by CoA / 09/06/2016 at 7:40am / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, I went to work early and saw my crush's car in the parking lot, so I parked next to her. After that, I looked over at her car to see her staring at me with a weird look and her saying, "Really?" Then she gestured around the lot; I looked around to find it completely empty. FML

by Asshole Parker / 09/06/2016 at 7:01am / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, I had a big project due, but when I went to turn it in, I found out that I'd left it at home. The professor said I could turn it in tomorrow for half credit. When I got home I realized I'd put it in my other binder. FML

by funny? / 09/06/2016 at 12:43am / United States (California) / Work

Today, I realized just how shy and awkward I really am when I averted my eyes to avoid making eye contact with someone who turned out to be a cardboard cut-out. FML

by SuperShy / 09/06/2016 at 12:29am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend told me that she didn't know we were actually dating. FML

by anonymous / 09/05/2016 at 11:05pm / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, my brother's high school was having a soccer game against mine, and as a sign of good luck, I told him to "break a leg". He broke mine. FML

by Ihatemyfamily / 09/05/2016 at 5:46pm / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, discovered that all the viruses I have gotten on my computer at work haven't been from anything I've done, but because my boss has secretly been using it after hours to download or watch porn so he wouldn't risk getting a virus on his own computer. I've lost 3 major projects due to this. FML

by Anonymous / 09/05/2016 at 12:23pm / United States (New York) / Work

Today, I entered a raffle at a local fashion designer event; the prize was $400 credit at the store that was hosting it (which was just enough for one of their dresses). Good news: I won! Bad news: they don't carry a single thing above a women's size 5. I'm 6'2" and 180 lbs. FML

by Anonymous / 09/05/2016 at 9:32am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out my co-worker had made plans for a night out, just as I'd cancelled all of mine to work with him on a project for the next 4 hours. FML

by Dan V / 09/05/2016 at 2:35am / United States (Michigan) / Work

Today, my housemate and I had rough passionate sex in every room of the house. Being that I'm 18 and he's 32, it was a new thing for me. I just received a call from my mother stating that they would not be paying for the baby they watched us make through their wireless cams in our house. FML

by BabsZilla / 09/04/2016 at 8:21pm / United States (California) / Intimacy