FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I was dumping some old milk in the sink and noticed it wasn't going down. Assuming food was clogging the drain, I stuck my hand down in it to remove the food. I removed a blueberry and half a cockroach. FML

by Sarah-grace / 05/17/2016 at 6:20pm / United States (Arkansas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend and I were on a date and he starts complaining about how his back is hurting him. He complains the whole evening. Fast forward to later that night, we are in bed so I ask him if he was feeling OK. He says, "I guess so. I'm just confused about my feelings for you." FML

by bluskyz1979 / 05/17/2016 at 11:32am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, my boyfriend was trying to tackle me to the bed when we heard a loud pop. The pop turned out to be him breaking my pinky finger. FML

by kaylashay2k13 / 05/17/2016 at 10:18am / United States (Kansas) / Love

Today, I was at a concert and I was having so much fun. Unfortunately, this was cut short when the person behind me with the worst halitosis started singing along to the songs. He knew ALL the lyrics. FML

by shtzbutnogiggles / 05/17/2016 at 10:10am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was reminded what poverty is like when I had to choose between buying food and buying pads. Now, I have to take constant bathroom breaks and wipe off my pad. I don't get paid until after my period ends. FML

by poorgirl / 05/17/2016 at 9:03am / United States / Money

Today, I saw a man help an elderly lady with her tray at the local McDonald's. I wanted to do something nice for him, so I added a couple extra nuggets in his meal. He later came up to me and told me I was dumb and didn't know how to count, and that was why I was working at McDonald's. FML

by korbo7 / 05/16/2016 at 11:26pm / United States (Nebraska) / Work

Today, I went to get a haircut. The guy next to me was in an Army uniform and had requested a short buzz cut. My stylist had to take a call, so another came out and there must've been a miscommunication, but by then, she was already fast at work. Guess who got stuck with the other guy's haircut. FML

by Buzzed_Head9 / 05/16/2016 at 10:58pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, at the laundromat. I loaded a huge load into the top dryer, put all the quarters in, and started the bottom one. I realized my mistake when I came to check on it. FML

by anonymous / 05/16/2016 at 8:29pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I told my cousin it would be okay if he stayed the weekend after a fight with his wife. He didn't tell me he was bringing his 4 kids. They've watched funny cat videos for hours and they laugh like maniacs. FML

by kids are meh / 05/16/2016 at 5:47pm / United States (Louisiana) / Kids

Today, my boss joined me on my vacation, to "make sure I actually went". FML

by are you kidding me? / 05/16/2016 at 5:24pm / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, my obnoxious roommate who always blasts crappy music day in and day out as loud as he can has reached an all time low. He has now started blasting Christmas music. It's May. FML

by LucyLollipop / 05/16/2016 at 3:16pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my mattress has gotten so old and trashed that I was woken up by two springs ripping through my bed sheets and stabbing me in the leg and abdomen. FML

by gavthewarealpaca / 05/16/2016 at 5:36am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I had a mini heart attack as my dad stopped in the middle of the street and said, "I wonder what'd happen if I just dropped my pants right now and started jerking it in front of all these motherfuckers." FML

by dad, please / 05/16/2016 at 1:37am / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy