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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I left my dog in my car for 5 minutes while I ran into a store. The car was running so he was fine, the thing that wasn't so fine is that when I walked out my car wasn't there. My dog somehow moved my car into the middle of a intersection, almost causing an accident. FML

#21430717
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19811) - you deserved it (16686)

On 06/23/2015 at 4:00pm - animals - by ej6901 - United States (New Jersey)

Today, as my mom was getting ready for a date, I told her that I think it's too early for her to date, since she divorced my dad only a week ago. She then said, "Don't worry, I'm only in it for sex." FML

#21430672
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25814) - you deserved it (3772)

On 06/23/2015 at 2:05pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Minnesota)

Today, after walking in on my roommate, I found out that pleasuring yourself with a shoe is a thing. It wouldn't have been so bad if the shoe hadn't been mine. FML

#21430531
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26491) - you deserved it (1683)

On 06/23/2015 at 4:07am - intimacy - by UkuleleTime - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to eat dinner with his parents. Everyone wanted me to start the family prayer, and although I hadn't done one in years, I accepted. It went well until I remembered you say "Amen" at the end, not "Uh... Bye." FML

#21430513
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24200) - you deserved it (5226)

On 06/23/2015 at 2:37am - misc - by Arcanin3Boss (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I got a call from my cable company in regards to a bill I didn't pay. I paid the bill two weeks ago in full, but they never told me the account changed when my name was put on the account. So now I owe $170 more, and my ex-roommate is getting a $140 refund in the mail. FML

#21430451
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23029) - you deserved it (1963)

On 06/23/2015 at 12:15am - money - by broke bitch - United States (Virginia)

Today, I attended my best friend's wedding. Instead of throwing her bouquet, she turned around and handed it to me. I was the only single lady out of 150 guests. FML

#21430410
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27276) - you deserved it (2188)

On 06/22/2015 at 11:13pm - love - by hairstylistprobs - United States

Today, I went to the ER for extremely heavy bleeding related to my IUD birth control. They decided the best thing to do was remove it. An exam, two ultrasounds, and three x-rays later, the doctor comes back to tell me what's going on. Yeah, they can't find it. FML

Today, I went to my girlfriend's parents' house for lunch. I ended up in the bathroom constipated and remembered reading it's easier to "go" if you are squatting. My girlfriend's dad walked in on me perched on the toilet like an owl. FML

#21430214
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24044) - you deserved it (4476)

On 06/22/2015 at 4:58pm - health - by oh no (man) - United States (California)

Today, after parking in the handicapped spot of a lot with my placard, an older couple with their 7-year-old grandchild came up and yelled at me for being a lying asshole and taking the parking spot. When I showed them my prosthetic leg, the kid started crying and guess who got yelled at again. FML

#21430208
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29043) - you deserved it (1258)

On 06/22/2015 at 4:46pm - health - by ICanExplain - United States (California)

Today, I told my dad I was gonna to start working out again. He looked at me with honest confusion on his face and said, "You worked out before?" My mother started laughing. She was all the way upstairs. FML

#21430201
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21652) - you deserved it (2541)

On 06/22/2015 at 4:35pm - health - by LukesSkyWalker (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend introduced me to his friends as his "sex partner." FML

#21430188
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25131) - you deserved it (2851)

On 06/22/2015 at 3:55pm - love - by Partners (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my pinky finger found out how much a king size bed weighs. FML

#21430073
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22839) - you deserved it (2461)

On 06/22/2015 at 11:12am - health - by akimbojuju - United States

Today, when I turned on the TV, there was a picture of a wanted murderer. The picture looked just like my boyfriend. FML

#21430015
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27100) - you deserved it (2366)

On 06/22/2015 at 7:26am - misc - by 1234 - United States (Florida)



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