FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I was working out with the guy I like when he spilled his water bottle. I went to clean up the spill, bashed my face into the weight bar, which broke my nose. FML

by Clumsy / 09/08/2016 at 8:06am / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, I found the dog I lost while I was dog sitting. It was with its new adoptive family. FML

by mista hunna / 09/08/2016 at 1:31am / United States (Maryland) / Animals

Today, after attending lectures for months, studying for weeks, and spending hours writing a 15-page research paper, I was informed that due to technological issues during registration, I was not enrolled in the class. FML

by mermaidkeels / 09/08/2016 at 12:54am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, after years in a relationship I realized that my partner does not like the music I listen to, the food I cook, the pictures I take, the way I dress. The only thing she likes is when I take her out to eat. FML

by mymidlifecrisis / 09/08/2016 at 12:53am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I went on a blind date. Things got hot and heavy, but when he pulled off my pants and saw the Pittsburgh Penguins logo on my thong he stopped and told me to get dressed and that he refused to sleep with the enemy. He was a die-hard Flyers fan. FML

by Thatgirl112 / 09/07/2016 at 11:59pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend's dick got stuck in the wrong hole. And by wrong hole I mean the pool filter. FML

by AnxiousCucumber / 09/07/2016 at 4:41pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I figured out why I have been feeling so drowsy and lethargic for the past week. My daughter had been slipping sleeping pills into my coffee as payback for taking her phone away. FML

by failedparenting / 09/07/2016 at 12:44pm / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, my cat used my head as a springboard and ripped my earring out with her claw. FML

by ripped / 09/07/2016 at 10:57am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Animals

Today, it's my birthday and I'd planned to take my family and friends to dinner with my own money. My mom just informed me that she'd messaged everyone that I'd canceled the dinner. She instead wants to use my money to buy my older brother a gun for his birthday, which is in two days. FML

Today, I spent a ridiculous amount of time working and reworking a design for a client. Eight hours and many tears later, she sends an email saying, "Let's go with the first design. I liked that one the most." FML

by averagemom4days / 09/06/2016 at 10:45pm / United States (Utah) / Work

Today, my boss threw a party for everyone in the office who has a birthday in September. Everyone got a cake with their names on it except me. My birthday is today. FML

by Anonymous / 09/06/2016 at 2:54pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, I found a thong at my boyfriend's house. When I confronted him about it, he panicked and claimed it was his mom's. Right. FML

by I'm out / 09/06/2016 at 1:02pm / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend's obsession with card tricks reached a new low. He barged into the bathroom while I was taking a crap and asked me to pick a card. FML

by limegreenpoopie / 09/06/2016 at 9:38am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy