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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my dad woke me up at 5am saying that there was dog shit on the carpet. I thought it was just a clever ruse to get me into the living room for a birthday surprise. It wasn't. There really was dog shit that I had to clean up, with no "Happy birthday"s even uttered. FML

#21397338
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29368) - you deserved it (2408)

On 04/21/2015 at 8:51am - animals - by 21ShitCleaner - United States (California)

Today, I found out the only reason my parents haven't kicked me out yet is because of my OCD which makes me clean the house every single day. FML

#21397145
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29605) - you deserved it (3108)

On 04/20/2015 at 10:42pm - misc - by Zach - United States (Delaware)

Today, I was sent to the front office for having blood shot eyes and smelling like smoke. I just didn't get enough sleep and had trouble putting my contacts in, and I always smell like smoke because of my parents' excessive smoking. They didn't believe me. My parents had to come in to back me up. FML

#21397058
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29375) - you deserved it (1905)

On 04/20/2015 at 8:16pm - health - by Phabia - United States (Iowa)

Today, my prom dress came in the mail. I don't know what happened with the tailoring but not only does it not fit, but it also looks like deli meat. FML

#21396978
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23774) - you deserved it (2883)

On 04/20/2015 at 5:41pm - misc - by Deli meat prom - United States (Texas)

Today, while spring cleaning, my cat came into the kitchen with a live mouse in her mouth. She looked me dead in the eyes and dropped the mouse, which then ran into my bedroom. It's been 4 hours and I still can't find it. Where's the cat? Chilling like nothing happened. FML

#21396858
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28983) - you deserved it (3082)

On 04/20/2015 at 2:06pm - animals - by craZycatLady - United States (Kansas)

Today, I received several pairs of panties in the mail that I'd ordered online. When I opened the box, I was shocked because every pair was basically huge granny-panties. I was sure none would fit properly, but I tried them on to be sure. They fit perfectly. FML

#21396824
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26771) - you deserved it (6736)

On 04/20/2015 at 1:01pm - love - by fatass - United States (Nebraska)

Today, after a relaxing week away, my husband and I came home to discover our 17 year old son crashed one of our cars against the other. FML

#21396823
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26732) - you deserved it (3117)

On 04/20/2015 at 12:57pm - money - by ihatekids - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I pulled up to a red light. My ex was in the next car, and my car's windows are so tinted that you can't see through them, so I flipped him off. I was driving my mom's car. FML

#21396485
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13489) - you deserved it (26051)

On 04/19/2015 at 9:39pm - love - by queenbitch - United States (Michigan)

Today, while studying for an exam, the neighbor's chihuahua started barking outside. After a few seconds, my mom yelled out for me to stop laughing. She honestly thought the barking was my laughter. FML

#21396226
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28438) - you deserved it (2867)

On 04/19/2015 at 1:09pm - animals - by woof? (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was so sleep-deprived, I thought a white car driving toward me was a polar bear. I screamed like a little girl and started panicking. I live in California. FML

#21396178
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25965) - you deserved it (6799)

On 04/19/2015 at 11:06am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend let out a horrible fart in the middle of sex. Even though it was clearly his, he gave me disgusted look, called me a dirty bitch, then kept going. Let's just say I didn't finish. FML

#21396154
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29407) - you deserved it (2751)

On 04/19/2015 at 10:04am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I poured my heart out to my girlfriend with a serenade. After I finished, she told me she'd come over to tell me she'd found someone else and wanted to break up. FML

#21395896
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29169) - you deserved it (2834)

On 04/18/2015 at 9:03pm - love - by socialix - United States (New Mexico)

Today, I found out that the only reason my parents have been letting me hang out with my friends so late is so they can search my room for drugs. FML

#21395867
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27950) - you deserved it (3008)

On 04/18/2015 at 7:55pm - misc - by Armstrong (man) - United States (Texas)



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