FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my husband cheated on me. In my house. While I was home. FML

by Why / 04/24/2016 at 2:59pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I watched a large, sweaty woman stick a hairbrush down her shirt to scratch a rash on her back, before putting it back on the shelf. FML

by TheSneakyNugget / 04/24/2016 at 11:18am / United States (California) / Health

Today, as I was getting out of the car, my 7-year-old son opened the door for me. I thought it was very gentlemanly of him to do that, until he smashed my thumb with the car door. FML

by Anonymous / 04/24/2016 at 10:38am / United States (California) / Kids

Today, I got in a fight with my boyfriend. I sent him a long message pouring my heart out about how hurt I am that he constantly ignores me or responds to almost everything I say in monosyllables. He texted back "ok". FML

by sleepingbeauty / 04/24/2016 at 4:45am / United States (Mississippi) / Love

Today, I went into the bathroom and got angry upon finding that once again, no one had bothered to put on a new roll of toilet paper. And then I remembered that I live alone. FML

by HomeAlone / 04/24/2016 at 12:45am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my roommate's shopping addiction reached a whole new level. He bought a box of tampons just because they were 40% off. Yes, he. FML

by Roomie pay rent plz / 04/23/2016 at 9:25pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, the CEO of my company wanted to meet with me. I was excited until I found out she just wanted to bitch me out and personally fire me. Later on, I found out my boss had totally shafted me and blamed the failure of a big project on me instead of admitting it was all his fault. FML

by Anonymous / 04/23/2016 at 5:14am / United States (California) / Work

Today, my wife's paranoia reached a new level. She spent a half hour fretting over the idea that one of the cleaning ladies at our hotel might have taken a used condom from our room and tried to get pregnant with it. FML

by she won't see a therapist / 04/23/2016 at 12:37am / United States (Nebraska) / Miscellaneous

Today, my neighbor called the cops on me, all because he heard me speaking Arabic. I was on the phone with my grandmother in Egypt. FML

by Anonymous / 04/22/2016 at 11:26pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend wrote me a love letter saying about how much he cares for me, how he'd die for me and how he wants to spend his life with me. What really took my breath away was the confession at the end about how he "accidentally" cheated on me with my best friend. FML

by Anonymous / 04/22/2016 at 10:22pm / United States (Georgia) / Love

Today, my daughter had a vocabulary assignment. She had to find five new words in books and movies. She was watching Shrek, so her first word was "thong". FML

by Anonymous / 04/22/2016 at 8:33pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids

Today, I went to the local clinic and I met a really cute guy. We hit it off quite well, and he asked me out. It's like The Fault in Our Stars, but instead of cancer, we have STDs. FML

by dvddtraveller / 04/22/2016 at 5:25pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, through a mutual friend, I met the girl of my dreams. After flirting and exchanging numbers with her, my friend confessed that she's liked me since the day we met. Now the girl of my dreams doesn't want to pursue a relationship with me out of respect for our friend. FML

by Anonymous / 04/22/2016 at 4:20pm / United States (California) / Love