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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I visited my 90-year-old great-grandmother and her boyfriend. This wouldn't be a problem, if this boyfriend wasn't different than the one she had yesterday. She told me not to tell him about "the other one". FML

#21521764
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19139) - you deserved it (1444)

On 02/01/2016 at 11:37am - love - by anon (woman) - United States

Today, I flipped out with happiness over the new Barbies. I want to buy one. I'm almost 26. FML

#21521595
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15966) - you deserved it (5895)

On 01/31/2016 at 10:27pm - misc - by barbieissocute (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my parents have deliberately ruined my last 2 relationships, because they want me to get back together with my ex simply because he is my son's dad. Apparently, my son needs his father more than I need a man who won't beat me every time he gets drunk. FML

#21521515
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27548) - you deserved it (1580)

On 01/31/2016 at 4:38pm - work - by anon (woman) - United States

Today, I've been calling my pet snake "Mr. Snake" for two years now. I decided to look up the name, and boy do I regret it. It turns out Mr. Snake is a porn site. I've named my snake after porn and have been introducing him to family with that name for two years. FML

#21521480
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16829) - you deserved it (4100)

On 01/31/2016 at 2:32pm - animals - by GeeLoftus - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I accidentally walked in on my sister shaving, naked. I don't know what's worse, the fact I've now seen her nude, or that she looks ten times better than any girl I've ever slept with. FML

#21521379
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22999) - you deserved it (5021)

On 01/31/2016 at 4:33am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I told my grandpa that I want to join the police force. His response: "You wanna lynch some blacks without the jail time, eh?" FML

#21521366
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20170) - you deserved it (2190)

On 01/31/2016 at 3:13am - work - by onlyjuggalos (man) - United States

Today, I realized I wasn't getting notifications for my voicemail, so I decided to check it and found out that I had 3 job offerings that are no longer an option. FML

#21521192
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20962) - you deserved it (3357)

On 01/30/2016 at 4:05pm - work - by thanks iphone - United States (Kentucky)

Today, when I went to see my therapist, she handed me a tube of tooth paste and said, "Please use it". FML

Today, I got in trouble with my boss for not showing up to work yesterday. It seems going into anaphylactic shock isn't a valid excuse. FML

#21521056
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20175) - you deserved it (1195)

On 01/30/2016 at 4:33am - health - by Allergic to Assholes - United States (Indiana)

Today, I'm so broke, I walked into a nursing home and pretended to be a gentleman's son just so I could get some free food "for him". FML

#21521037
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19790) - you deserved it (5833)

On 01/30/2016 at 2:45am - money - by :/ - United States (Arizona)

Today, while crying at my grandma's funeral I was told to man up. FML

#21521027
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21390) - you deserved it (1585)

On 01/30/2016 at 1:47am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I called the cops on my elderly neighbor for blaring loud war music yet again. They chatted and laughed with him on his lawn for a good half hour. As they left, he slapped the female officer's ass, only for her to just giggle about it. After they drove off, he fired up his music again. FML

#21521010
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21469) - you deserved it (2206)

On 01/30/2016 at 12:07am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I finally scrounged up enough change to do laundry, so I loaded up my car, swung by the bank to take out my rent money, and stopped at a gas station to get a drink. When I came outside, my car was gone, along with all my clothes and rent money. FML



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