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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my 16 year old daughter convinced her little sister that I am a robot. Now every time I try to talk to her she starts crying. FML

#21392253
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25621) - you deserved it (2011)

On 04/12/2015 at 6:33am - kids - by anon - United States (California)

Today, I was working in the garden, when some fire ants ran up my shorts and bit me on an intimate part of my anatomy. My 4 year old nephew will not stop telling people about my rapid strip tease. FML

Today, my family checked into a hotel for spring break. The first thing my brother did was steal all the bars of soap and bottles of shampoo. He's now guarding them, and hissing at anyone that tries to take them. I just want to take a shower. FML

#21392089
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25461) - you deserved it (2469)

On 04/11/2015 at 11:05pm - kids - by ShampooThief - United States

Today, I was asked to prom by the same guy who "accidentally" cut off a chunk of my hair in class and with whom I haven't had a conversation in my life. When I politely declined he said, "You'll regret this". FML

#21392030
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28956) - you deserved it (2248)

On 04/11/2015 at 9:53pm - misc - by scared4myhair - United States (Michigan)

Today, while walking down the street, a cute guy approached me. We ended up having some drinks then heading back to his place and hooked up. Afterwards, I used the bathroom, and when I came out, he was going through his wallet and asked me how much he owed me. FML

#21391926
228 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28779) - you deserved it (8801)

On 04/11/2015 at 6:05pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I found out that my family and friends all laugh and compare me to Spongebob behind my back. Why? Because I'm 37 and still can't pass my driver's test. FML

#21391668
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26810) - you deserved it (15742)

On 04/11/2015 at 3:56am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, after getting a pay raise at work after 15 years and pulling a loan for a new house, I went back to work from a two-week paid vacation to find out that I had been fired two weeks ago for "no call, no show". My manager claims he doesn't recall ever signing a paper for my paid vacation. FML

Today, I got grounded because my mom found a condom in the bathroom trashcan and assumed it was mine. I took the blame because I was too embarrassed to admit that it must have belonged to my 13-year-old brother, since I'm still a virgin at 19. FML

#21391452
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28842) - you deserved it (4576)

On 04/10/2015 at 7:16pm - misc - by uglybrother (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I bought a garden gnome to spice up my lawn. Tonight, someone threw it right through my living room window. Not only will the repairs cost a ton, my neighbor keeps saying stupid shit to me, like "You must be shattered" and "Looks like you ain't got a window gnome... more." FML

#21391420
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25807) - you deserved it (2833)

On 04/10/2015 at 6:17pm - misc - by dickhead (woman) - United States

Today, a guy tried to carjack me. Good news: I drive a stick shift, and the idiot apparently couldn't, so I still have my car. Bad news: he was so angry, he beat the shit out of me. I had to get stitches, and now I look like I went on a date with Chris Brown. FML

#21391293
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29961) - you deserved it (2113)

On 04/10/2015 at 2:04pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I went to class to take an important final for which I studied all week long and worked hard in class. Today, the teacher also told us that anyone who had an A did not have to take the final. I missed out on a trip to the Bahamas for this. FML

Today, while walking my dog, I opened my mouth to yawn. A wasp took the opportunity to fly into my mouth and announce its presence by stinging my tongue. FML

Today, my boss fired me by locking me out of my workplace after I went out to throw out the trash. FML

#21391103
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29382) - you deserved it (2118)

On 04/10/2015 at 2:28am - work - by jobless - United States (Colorado)



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