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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I overheard my boyfriend of two years saying he only dates me because "sometimes jerking off just ain't good enough". FML

#21460883
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20535) - you deserved it (1906)

On 08/26/2015 at 8:31am - love - by Ananimus (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I told my boyfriend I had to go out and that I'd be back later. He asked where I was going. "To see my other boyfriend," I chuckled, smiling. He took it seriously and wouldn't believe it was just a joke. I'm pretty sure I'm now single. FML

#21460870
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18030) - you deserved it (8001)

On 08/26/2015 at 7:28am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I've reached the point in my life where the "Apply to affected area" label on acne cream essentially means I need to take a bath in the stuff. FML

#21460776
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21200) - you deserved it (1683)

On 08/26/2015 at 12:33am - health - by Whiteheads - United States (Texas)

Today, after coming home from the hospital after I fractured my foot, I fell in the bathroom and dislocated my wrist. The ER doctor couldn't stop laughing. FML

#21460636
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21920) - you deserved it (1764)

On 08/25/2015 at 6:46pm - health - by whovian221b (woman) - United States

Today, my husband told me that he is done having sex because it eats up his online gaming time. FML

#21460573
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22799) - you deserved it (2406)

On 08/25/2015 at 3:54pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, a fifth grader gave me a note from his "father" excusing him from PE. It was riddled with spelling errors and shockingly poor grammar, so I rejected it as a blatant fake. Several hours later, I was informed by his very angry father that it wasn't actually fake. FML

#21460557
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23954) - you deserved it (3289)

On 08/25/2015 at 3:22pm - kids - by shit.jpg (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I went on a blind date with a friend of a friend. It went okay, so we exchanged numbers. An hour later, he started messaging me, asking for pictures of my poop. What.. the... hell? FML

#21460549
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22614) - you deserved it (1550)

On 08/25/2015 at 2:31pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my cousin's husband argued adamantly that the Earth doesn't rotate, and treated me like an idiot when I explained why he was wrong. Not even a video from space of the Earth rotating convinced him. This idiot is a teacher. FML

#21460521
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25271) - you deserved it (1519)

On 08/25/2015 at 1:33pm - misc - by Schizomaniac (man) - United States

Today, I was undressing for my girlfriend. I thought I was being all smooth and sexy, until I went to sit on the side of the bed and beckon her over. Instead, I sat heavily on my balls, screamed, then fell off the bed sobbing like a girl. FML

#21460410
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21151) - you deserved it (5304)

On 08/25/2015 at 3:32am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, while in line at the supermarket, I told the lady behind me that she had a cute baby. She shot me a disgusted look and straight up accused me of being a pedophile. FML

#21460397
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22408) - you deserved it (1474)

On 08/25/2015 at 2:49am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, after putting in 110% at my shitty job for two years straight, my boss told me point-blank I'm too good in my current position for him to ever be able to justify promoting me. FML

#21460378
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21057) - you deserved it (1366)

On 08/25/2015 at 1:51am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I awoke at two in the morning to my cat putting his most recent kill on my chest. When I jumped up screaming, the dead mouse went flying and now my husband and I can't find it. Better yet now both my husband and my cat are giving me the silent treatment. FML

#21460304
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20182) - you deserved it (2044)

On 08/24/2015 at 11:16pm - animals - by catlady - United States (New York)

Today, my dad took my phone away because I "had to be texting while driving in order to wreck my car." I was too ashamed to tell him that a huge bug flew into my face causing me to veer off the road and into a brick mailbox. FML

#21460295
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16852) - you deserved it (6597)

On 08/24/2015 at 10:56pm - misc - by Animeislyfe - United States (Georgia)



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