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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I told my step-mom that my medication is causing me to lose weight. She looked me up and down and suggested I triple my dosage. FML

#21523215
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19080) - you deserved it (1891)

On 02/05/2016 at 10:11pm - misc - by cuntingbitchofawhore - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was clipping my abnormally thick toenails. I had to apply so much pressure on the clippers that a nail flew off, hit me in the eyeball and scratched my cornea. The doctor nearly fell off his chair laughing during my eye exam after I told him what happened. FML

#21523193
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19493) - you deserved it (1910)

On 02/05/2016 at 8:34pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my fiancée woke up from a nightmare where I cheated on her. She has so far successfully gotten into my personal and work e-mails, and all my social media. I'm not sure if I'm worse at picking a wife or at picking passwords. FML

#21523145
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19153) - you deserved it (2580)

On 02/05/2016 at 5:55pm - misc - by Alex - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my cat shoved his claw up my nose and got it stuck there. FML

#21523143
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18685) - you deserved it (1723)

On 02/05/2016 at 5:51pm - animals - by ReiracsNeve - United States (Florida)

Today, as I walked around town I noticed some guys and even a couple of girls checked me out. When I got home later I realized they probably weren't checking me out, so much as wondering why the hell I had thick black eyeliner on only one eye. Oops. FML

#21523085
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16319) - you deserved it (4522)

On 02/05/2016 at 2:15pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, my dogs somehow pulled the water spigot off the wall in my backyard. I now have my own private lake. FML

#21523045
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17473) - you deserved it (1506)

On 02/05/2016 at 11:07am - misc - by Hreid254 - United States (Texas)

Today, in the current company I'm employed by, I have a better chance at gambling my way to the top, as opposed to working my way up. FML

#21523006
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16899) - you deserved it (1582)

On 02/05/2016 at 7:04am - money - by ferret702 - United States (Nevada)

Today, I shared with my doctor that I still feel uncomfortable with my medication. She expressed surprise, saying, "Really? By now I would've thought it'd be routine." Sorry, no. In three months, I have not gotten used to sticking a syringe up my butt and injecting my rectum full of medicated foam. FML

#21522878
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20115) - you deserved it (1553)

On 02/04/2016 at 9:22pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Maryland)

Today, my psycho-obsessed ex-girlfriend blabbed all about how she got a check in the mail for $1000 from CrimeStoppers on Facebook and Twitter. This explains how my current girlfriend and two of my friends all got arrested last week for having weed. FML

#21522828
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18223) - you deserved it (4279)

On 02/04/2016 at 5:55pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I had to hide in the closet all morning because my 22-year-old boyfriend didn't want to admit to his parents that he had his girlfriend stay the night. FML

#21522776
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20251) - you deserved it (3405)

On 02/04/2016 at 1:56pm - intimacy - by doodlecrzyMeg (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my parents called me to ask if I could drop my dog off to them on Sunday. They're having a Superbowl party and want to show her off to their guests. My dog is invited, but I'm not. FML

#21522725
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20330) - you deserved it (1498)

On 02/04/2016 at 10:16am - animals - by uninvited (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I heard some gossip at school about a weird kid who supposedly jerks off at every house he visits. They were talking about my brother. FML

#21522719
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20451) - you deserved it (1421)

On 02/04/2016 at 9:53am - intimacy - by concernedsis - United States (Georgia)

Today, after being told numerous times how sexist the East Coast is, I went ahead with my East Coast grad school architecture interview. The first thing out of the interviewer's mouth was, "Are you sure you don't want to do interior architecture?" FML

#21522710
0 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20516) - you deserved it (2630)

On 02/04/2016 at 9:13am - work - by LL (woman) - United States (Washington)



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