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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She said she wanted to accept, but that she'd basically have to get her mom's permission first. Apparently the answer was no. The worst thing is that she really is this unhealthily dependent on her mom, and probably wasn't lying about needing her permission. FML

#21414249
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24812) - you deserved it (2686)

On 05/22/2015 at 11:44pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my neighbor's dog decided to knock over our trash cans, which were full of my bathroom trash. I had to pick up tampon and maxi pad wrappers from all over the neighborhood. FML

#21414242
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23908) - you deserved it (2106)

On 05/22/2015 at 11:25pm - misc - by A - United States (Georgia)

Today, I finally found a bug I had been trying to get rid of. When I removed my bra, I noticed what looked like a piece of bug on it. Apparently, the bug was flattened and suffocated by my boob the entire day. FML

#21414219
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22956) - you deserved it (2256)

On 05/22/2015 at 10:26pm - misc - by Kurda (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I walked into my boss' office to ask for a raise, and walked out unemployed. FML

#21414059
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25318) - you deserved it (4215)

On 05/22/2015 at 3:44pm - work - by zheiraT - United States (Maine)

Today, we were discussing evolution at the super-religious school I'm forced to attend. I mentioned homo sapiens, and my teacher mockingly replied, "You actually believe in homo sapiens? Hahahah!" The whole class started laughing. No, not at the teacher; at me. FML

#21414003
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27954) - you deserved it (1905)

On 05/22/2015 at 1:10pm - misc - by homo fuckofftus (man) - United States (California)

Today, was my first experience having sex. It was also my first experience with a condom breaking. FML

#21413990
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29096) - you deserved it (3718)

On 05/22/2015 at 12:27pm - intimacy - by Vexatious - United States (North Carolina)

Today, and for the past couple of days, my girlfriend's father has been trying to help me think of a way to propose. I decided to rehearse first, and that's how my girlfriend walked in on me "proposing" to her dad. FML

Today, it was hot out, so I wore shorts. My dad took one look at me and said, "Your thighs are so pale, it's like staring into the sun". FML

#21413979
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22130) - you deserved it (2703)

On 05/22/2015 at 11:55am - misc - by xolaurennnn - United States

Today, I found out my mom put breast milk in my cereal until I was 7 years old. FML

#21413959
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29002) - you deserved it (2648)

On 05/22/2015 at 11:17am - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to ask one of my coworkers if we were supposed to return a client's teeth to her. I work at a jewellery store. FML

#21413953
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22147) - you deserved it (1853)

On 05/22/2015 at 11:02am - work - by grossedout (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I used a tanning bed for the first time ever, in an attempt to get a base tan for the summer. No one bothered to warn me that you shouldn't go the full ten minutes your first time. Now my skin is as red as my hair. FML

#21413860
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16438) - you deserved it (18272)

On 05/22/2015 at 3:36am - health - by missko519 (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, my girlfriend of a week showed me her talent: shooting milk out of her vagina across the room. Goodbye dairy products. FML

#21413854
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26112) - you deserved it (3061)

On 05/22/2015 at 2:55am - intimacy - by zzarzzur (man) - United States (California)

Today, I missed my bus. But it didn't miss me. I've been in the hospital for 8 hours with a broken leg. FML

#21413750
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26683) - you deserved it (1801)

On 05/21/2015 at 9:55pm - money - by FrickingBusDrivers (man) - United States (Michigan)



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