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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my boss lost the company a very lucrative contract I had worked on for weeks because he wouldn't tolerate the client's "disrespect." The disrespect? Asking him to not interrupt her or put words in her mouth during a conference call with her employees. FML

Today, I was in church. During the prayer, I moved my foot and it pressed against the automatic button on my umbrella causing it to suddenly open. As if that wasn't bad enough, I screamed simultaneously at the shock. FML

#21511386
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20292) - you deserved it (3073)

On 01/04/2016 at 12:58pm - misc - by embarrassed - United States (California)

Today, this beautiful girl that I've known for a long time told me that she just can't date me anymore because I remind her too much of her cat. FML

#21511346
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20686) - you deserved it (1758)

On 01/04/2016 at 10:14am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, my husband and I were getting frisky. All was going well until I decided to go down on him, causing him to freak out, thinking I was going for his butt, ending the night with a black eye from being knee'd in the face. FML

#21511250
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21957) - you deserved it (2267)

On 01/04/2016 at 1:59am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my ex-boyfriend admitted the reason he broke up with me was because he cheated and felt awful about it. The girl is now pregnant, but he swears it isn't his. Guess we'll find out in a few months if my daughter has a sibling. FML

#21511205
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21769) - you deserved it (2080)

On 01/03/2016 at 11:57pm - intimacy - by loko0909 (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was at work, a grocery store, and my manager came up to me while I was on my lunch break. He told me that a customer said someone in the parking lot had been loitering around the cars. I went outside to investigate and saw a drunk man pooping on the front of a car. That car was mine. FML

#21511086
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19853) - you deserved it (1166)

On 01/03/2016 at 6:00pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I found out my ex started a Tumblr where she posts one photo a day. Each photo being a pic I texted her over the course of our relationship. My office, the bars I like to go to, favorite restaurants, my mom's place, my place, my penis, etc. FML

#21511030
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21492) - you deserved it (3848)

On 01/03/2016 at 3:02pm - intimacy - by ywouldudomelikethat (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house. I wanted to tease him, so I got his attention and made my orgasm face when I thought no one was looking. His thirteen year-old cousin saw and now bursts out laughing whenever he sees me. FML

#21511005
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13761) - you deserved it (16140)

On 01/03/2016 at 2:09pm - intimacy - by Oops - United States (California)

Today, I found out that the reason my soda always tastes funny is because my fiancé likes to mix different flavors together to see if I'll notice. FML

#21510957
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17601) - you deserved it (1951)

On 01/03/2016 at 11:15am - misc - by NAT - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I got a call from my dad asking if I was a porno actress. I am. FML

#21510678
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25326) - you deserved it (22341)

On 01/02/2016 at 5:31pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, after driving for four hours to visit my best friend for the New Years break, she still hasn't finished up her skype conversation and left her room to greet me. She knows I'm here. I've spent the last hours watching youtube videos with her cat. FML

#21510596
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20504) - you deserved it (1653)

On 01/02/2016 at 11:57am - misc - by Anonameow (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I found out that you can give your grandpa a Vietnam flashback when you set off a leftover firecracker from New Years. I also found out that a 76 year old hits pretty fucking hard when freaking out. FML

#21510579
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18807) - you deserved it (7675)

On 01/02/2016 at 11:09am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I visited my boyfriend's uncle's house for a party. His 8 year old cousin started asking if I like penis, so my reaction was to laugh, spitting my drink on her and her new dress. She can't pronounce peanuts, and I can't visit anymore. FML

#21510516
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20425) - you deserved it (3462)

On 01/02/2016 at 3:25am - kids - by me - United States (Louisiana)



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