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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my grandpa set out snare traps to catch the foxes that have been around our property, because he wanted to protect our dog from being attacked by them. I then got a phone call from my dad telling me our dog got caught in one. FML

Today, on my second day at my new job, a customer called my manager with a complaint about me. He said I put the cheese "upside down" on his sandwich, and that made it taste bad. FML

Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate. It was his first time, which I guess explains him sticking his hand down my panties and practically bitch-slapping my vagina for the next 20 or 30 seconds. I stupidly faked an orgasm just to get him to stop. Now he thinks he's some kind of sex god. FML

#21450109
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17395) - you deserved it (28270)

On 07/31/2015 at 4:28pm - intimacy - by anon (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was changing my clothes with my dog in the room. As I took off my shirt, he looked at me, ran into the corner, and threw up. Well that's a confidence booster. FML

#21450074
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25252) - you deserved it (2529)

On 07/31/2015 at 2:55pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I went to a frozen yogurt stand with my dad. One of the flavors was called "Juicy Cherry." I had to stand there and watch in horror as he told the woman running the stand all about how he'd like to taste her juicy cherry. FML

#21450062
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25381) - you deserved it (1974)

On 07/31/2015 at 2:28pm - misc - by ppema (man) - United States

Today, my parents sent me to the hospital because they thought I had diabetes. One of the symptoms is that you a pee a lot. The only reason I go to the bathroom so often is so I can masturbate. FML

#21449844
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16441) - you deserved it (25399)

On 07/31/2015 at 1:38am - intimacy - by doodoobref - United States (Arizona)

Today, as if having an old man shit on the floor of the busy restaurant I work at wasn't bad enough, my manager made a video commentating over the camera footage of me discovering said giant pile of shit, and shared it with the entire staff. This is going to haunt me forever. FML

Today, I wanted to buy a pack of cigarettes. My wife, who didn't want me to get them, decided it would be a good idea to jump on the hood of the car while I was driving off. She hit the car and fell off. My neighbor saw this. Neither her nor the cops believe me when I say I didn't hit her. FML

#21449719
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23541) - you deserved it (4101)

On 07/30/2015 at 10:06pm - misc - by Just wanted a cigarette (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was at the store with my father. As we were leaving, he grabbed a baguette, put it by his crotch, and took a picture with his phone. I'm starting to feel like the parent here. FML

#21449663
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21313) - you deserved it (1711)

On 07/30/2015 at 7:24pm - misc - by EmbarrassedChild - United States

Today, I had to sit through an entire conversation where my sister and her boyfriend sent voice messages to one another, of their farts. FML

#21449629
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22299) - you deserved it (1980)

On 07/30/2015 at 6:04pm - love - by anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, I learned companies can legally lie to fire an employee, and unless anything they say is on record, they are legally correct, no matter how unethical the company is. FML

#21449623
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21760) - you deserved it (1621)

On 07/30/2015 at 5:50pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my young stepdaughter decided that she should store her coins in my laptop's card reader slot and in the CD drive. I just bought the laptop last week. FML

#21449535
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22994) - you deserved it (2165)

On 07/30/2015 at 1:22pm - kids - by GidleyWife (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had to listen to my grandma talk about how she's "allergic" to toilet paper, and how she lets nature "take care of it". FML

#21449508
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23668) - you deserved it (1601)

On 07/30/2015 at 11:30am - health - by WhatTheFuck - United States (Illinois)



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