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FMLs submitted from United States

Today, my school had to make an official announcement that students were not permitted to go home due to Zayn Malik leaving One Direction because so many girls were claiming they couldn't focus on school with such a dramatic event occurring. FML

#21381783
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38218) - you deserved it (3123)

On 03/26/2015 at 9:20am - work - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I was talking about an essay I'd written for a class that was due to be turned in online days ago. I thought mine was well written and I'd even finished it a couple of days early so I wouldn't forget about it. After a few minutes of talking and feeling proud, I realized that I forgot to turn it in. FML

Today, I was told by my boyfriend's parents to never come back to his house again, and was given a lecture about rule breaking. Apparently, curfew is midnight, and he isn't allowed to have girls over. This didn't sound so unreasonable until I remembered that we're both almost 30. FML

Today, I slept through my alarm because it was drowned out by humming. My humming, in my sleep. Even my body is against me waking up on time. FML

#21381631
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24680) - you deserved it (2492)

On 03/25/2015 at 11:43pm - health - by anonymous - United States

Today, three of my dipshit coworkers kept whining all day about Zayne Malik leaving One Direction, how devastating it is, and what it means for their future. As a pacifist, I've never had to struggle so hard to not beat the piss out of people and hurl their broken remains out a window. FML

#21381305
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30469) - you deserved it (4350)

On 03/25/2015 at 3:00pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I got fired for having a visible tattoo on my neck. The tattoo in question is a scar from a surgery I had 2 months ago. The same one paid for by my employer's insurance and missed 2 weeks of work for. FML

#21381191
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31636) - you deserved it (1880)

On 03/25/2015 at 8:23am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was doing homework and I had my leg bent in a funny position. When I stood up, my hip dislocated. It was the most painful thing I've ever experienced. When people ask me what happened, I have to say I dislocated my hip doing calculus. FML

#21381072
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27822) - you deserved it (2776)

On 03/25/2015 at 12:24am - health - by anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, after telling my audience of preschoolers and parents that I'd been performing magic since I was a kid in 1995, a 4-year-old got more laughter and applause than I did in my entire act by gasping, "1995? You should be dead by now!" FML

#21380814
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26369) - you deserved it (2521)

On 03/24/2015 at 4:52pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I arrived at work to find out someone had signed me up to a dating site. Apparently, my inability to speak to women has reached "boss level". Quite literally, as my boss was the one who signed me up. FML

#21380719
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26935) - you deserved it (2915)

On 03/24/2015 at 1:09pm - love - by ctmoto77 - United States (California)

Today, an old lady was walking behind me. She tripped and started to fall, so naturally I turned and outstretched my arms to catch her, but was too late. A man turned just in time to see an old lady on the ground with me with my arms stretched out. I now have a black eye. FML

Today, I overheard my co-workers referring to me as "Uncle Fester". This is apparently my nickname around the office, and has been for nearly three years. I had no idea. FML

#21380389
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25496) - you deserved it (2378)

On 03/23/2015 at 9:49pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, I had to sit in a three-seat truck between my dad and his best friend on a 4-hour trip to Detroit. It was great, besides their incessant crude jokes and stories, including chafing ball sacks, and naming their new radio station, "Chicks With Dicks Radio." FML

#21380298
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23597) - you deserved it (2300)

On 03/23/2015 at 7:08pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, my boyfriend wrecked our car. Now I can't get to work in order to make the money we need to buy a new one. FML

#21380086
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (638) - you deserved it (3526)

On 03/23/2015 at 11:51am - money - by stuck - United States (Illinois)



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